Liliafey

Hi there. I'm looking for some advice. I've recently rekindled things romantically with an old friend who is in recovery. He's been sober for a year, but there have of course been some serious ups and downs for him on the road to recovery over the past 5 years or so. We met in college 12 years ago and were off again, on again up until about 7 years ago. A lot of the off again was related to his addiction, although I didn't fully realize it at the time. I didn't how bad things had gotten for him until he came out to me recently about his path to recovery. We have been rekindling, cautiously, especially as we are living some distance from each other. I'm trying to walk a fine line between reestablishing a relationship, maintaining a deep friendship, and both supporting and not interfering with, his recovery, and I suppose I'm just looking for some tips? What to do/say, what not to do, etc. Long distance relationships can be stressful, and I'd like to be sure I'm balancing communication without being overbearing and creating undue stress. I'm not a great communicator emotionally, and as part of the program is being truthful with oneself and others, I think maybe I'm not fulfilling my end effectively.

badger257

Hi Lilia!! Welcome to SR. I am not sure what advice I can give, only that you have to do what is best for you. But it sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders, and are being cautious and protective of yourself as well.

One of the moderators might be able to move this over to the Friends and Family section, so that others might be able to assist as well? Awesome group over there too. Check it out, read around, and post as MUCH as you would like. Again, great to have you here.

Maudcat

Hi, Liliafey. Welcome to SR.
Caution is the watchword, I would say.
Good luck.

Mizzuno

If I am reading this right, you posted that you struggle with emotional communication? It sounds to me like you have some things to work out in you and it may not pertain to this person who is in recovery.

Ways to be supportive of your partners recovery:

Listen. Communicate. Work through any issues. Let your partner work on his recovery. Do activities that do not involve drug/ alcohol use. Be supportive in the way of accepting his problem and accepting the steps he takes to remedy his problem; as in meetings and other support groups. Stay in your own lane and know what problems are yours and what problems are his.

Relationships are work no matter if the person is in recovery or not.
You do not have to adopt his program. Just be there.

Anna

I think it's important to know that it's best to allow your friend to work on his recovery and to make sure that you are taking care of yourself during this time. AlAnon in your area might be something you'd like to check out.