Blackbird83

A needle in addict fiancées wallet last night. There have been several incidents in the last few weeks with what he says were pills, oxy and norco, where I found a spoon, foil, straw. I saw some marks on his skin the last week or so that he blew off but I'm sure it was from injecting. He swears that it was only last night with the needle and that it was oxy but I'm thinking it was heroin, that it's been that all along. He's got the tiny pupils, red face, sweaty, itchy and picking his skin. I was upset and told him to leave and that I was done but he once again convinced me to give him a chance, that he will give me ALL his money, he will go to meetings, he will take a home drug test when I ask him too. He will work on communication blah blah blah, all things I've heard before. The only thing different this time is me, I WILL follow through on doing these drug tests this time, other times I said I would but never followed through. We have a baby on the way so if he fails any of these tests that I give him he's out. I've think I hit my rock bottom. Ive done this with him for over a year and a half and really, no changes have happened, just substituting of one substance for another. I'm still getting my ducks in a row as far as finding someone to help me with my other children when in labor because I cannot count on him to be around or in any shape to be the support and help I need. I've also let my dad know what's happening because he will need to help me get by financially if fiancé is out of the picture. He's asked me to not tell his parents and I won't, but if we get a failed test and he's out then I will because his mom is going to be a part of this baby's life regardless and I won't lie when she asks what happens. I never went to any support meetings but found out that there is a nar-anon group every Sunday in my complexes clubhouse so i have absolutely no excuse. I feel pretty hopeless about him and know that there's nothing I can do to make him get sober, he either will or won't. This is rough guys. He's a good man. He is so darn smart, he's kept his job and is pretty good at it, he is good to my kids, supports all of us and in general very kind and loving to me and very understanding of my mental illnesses (bpd, depression, anxiety, ptsd, I'm no cup of tea) but I cannot allow this to continue anymore. For my own mental safety and for my children's wellbeing and future I know that something needs to change. Gah!

Blackbird83

I just read my first post on here from about 2 weeks ago and at that point I had said the next time he messes up he's out. And here Iam giving him another chance....and he really messed up, injecting was the last straw and I had made that clear. So I've really got to be brave and stick to my guns with these drug tests. I don't want to continue on living like this, not trusting him is horrible, watching his behavior all the time, wondering why he's outside or counting spoons to make sure none are missing....it's insanity and can't continue or I fear I'll be trapped in his cycles of relapses forever. Ugh.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

Maudcat

It sounds like you are just about done, Blackbird.
Do you have support? Family? Friends?
Important to have right now.

atalose

My suggestion would be to just cut out the chase and get to the ending. Meaning, it’s time for you to JUST focus on you and your unborn child along with your other children. This is not the time to be playing games about his continued and historic addiction. Why wait for a drug test that you already know deep down either won’t happen or excuses galore are going to take place.

It’s very easy to get caught up in that “another chance cycle” because you BOTH can and will justify the reasons.

KeepinItReal

I am married to a recovering heroin addict. He now works at a drug rehab and has 16 months sober. He only admitted he had a problem in 2010. It has been hell. Feel like I went to hell and fought satan. I learned a lot more about myself and life than I ever would have. I sought recovery for myself. For me.
I am not religious. I am spiritual. I do believe in universal laws. There are things that helped me... and as I helped myself.. he started helping himself. It's a long long long story. I have been logging on here for a few years. This place is loving and great. Read the stickies. Read them again. Good luck!!

Ann

This echos what my son told me when he needed me to bail him out of jail the first (and last) time. He cried and was so remorseful and would do ANYTHING...so I bailed him out.

We were not even home yet when he got out of the car and went to use again.

Promises mean nothing, actions speak louder than words.

I know your sadness, it took me a long time to reach my "enough" point.

I hope you and your baby can find a safe and peaceful place to live.

Hugs

least

If you're giving him drug tests, doesn't that make you his personal parole officer? That's not what partners are for, they are to love and protect each other, not police each other. I'd let him go and focus on your child and yourself.

Nata1980

It's time to let go, plain and simple. Between the time your baby is born and now you will figure something out for childcare.....he is most definitely not it.