Addict101

Hi all
I've just kept clean for the last couple of days and after discussing it with my wife (not the mother of my kids), I'm having to go away for treatment for a while. It could also be that our marriage is over when I come back but that's another story.

My question is whether anyone has ever been in a position of telling your 11 an 9 year olds the reason why they won't see you for a few weeks? I'm dreading telling them and not sure whether I should tell them about my addiction as well:-(

Blueminded

It's a difficult and personal decision. My experience was similar. I have three daughters slightly older then your children when I decided to get help. It was a real battle with myself on what to tell them, if anything. Reality was they were all well aware of my problem long before I told them my decision to seek help. Their response was overwhelming supportive. More so than I could have ever anticipated. It was like the truth we all knew (elephant in the room) lifted a burden from them. Childen are very resilient and will love you regardless. It was the real beginning of my healing process. Good luck and congrats on your decision to seek help.

kenton

Hi Addict101, I have children the same age as yours but I never went away for treatment so haven't left them. Although I don't have experience of what to say if going away for a few weeks, I would just say that kids that age are very good at knowing when someone is lying. You probably already know this. I try to explain to my kids that everyone makes choices and sometimes the choices we make are good and sometimes they're not so good. I tell them that mummy can make bad choices when she drinks alcohol so a good choice for her (me) is to never drink alcohol again. They have accepted this without question. Maybe you could try to explain that they won't see you for a while because you are going somewhere to help you learn how to make good choices which will make you stronger and more healthy. Something like that? I don't know, it's a tough one.

My dad was an alcoholic and at age 9 I would have loved it if he'd gone away for a few weeks and got help. You should feel proud of what you're doing and whatever you tell your kids now, the important thing is that they see you strong and sober when you return. Kids live in the present. They'll soon forget about the few weeks you're away. They won't forget all the years they get to spend with you being sober. I wish you loads of luck.

Inchworm

Good for you, Addict! You are doing the best thing for yourself and your family. I suspect the your children know you've had trouble. They could very well be extremely relieved to know your plans.

Ananda

I'm a little late chiming in, but here is my experience....

When my son was 5 I got sober for the first time. I basically told him from the start that I was going to meetings to help me not drink. I don't know how he felt about it, but it never seemed that he saw it as something embarrassing or bad at that time.

I sometimes went to "babysitters" meetings where babysitting was provided while mom's or dad's went to a meeting. I was quite surprised that when we went in to pick them up they were all pretending like they were in a meeting like their parents saying "I'm ***, and I'm an alchoholic.

My son may not have kept it a secret, but he wasn't particularly worried about it.

Also, I when I was 11 I would have been soooo happy if Dad had gone to treatment, and it would have changed the rest of my life in a positive and significant way.

Hope you figure out what is best for you and your children... look in your heart, the answer is probably there.

Forward12

You are doing an amazing thing going "on vacation"