jp2102

Looking for a bit of advice .
My partner left me a year ago because of my addiction and many the lies and says it is all down to trust issues.
Alot impacted our relationship on both sides outwith the alcohol but in a nutshell I drank to cope and it took over me and I would lie before even thinking. Numerous times I wanted to open up and be honest but couldn't , spent a year drinking nearly everyday and trying to build things but then came more lies yes I'm doing good etc , when spending time with her I wouldn't drink and I felt good but soon as I was on my own or something happened I would turn to drink which resulted in me saying things I didn't mean again in January . I wanted her to come with me and help me through this.

The advice I'm looking for is now I am sober I want to write her a letter and be completely honest right down to the nasty details , is this a good idea ? Is there help out there to help her understand the illness ? Any links to details that may help her too as I know that my illness didn't only affect me but had a big impact on her life too.
How can I prove myself to her if she doesn't speak to me ?

FreeOwl

What is it you're seeking to 'prove' to her?

jp2102

Prove to her is maybe the wrong word

I didn't give her enough of the real good me. And to somehow make her understand that I am committed to beating this illness and not to give up on me.

When things are good they are really good but when bad they are really bad .

She even said herself the bad outweighs the good.

I want to build the trust up

doggonecarl

You've been sober a week. My advice is to work on your recovery and not work on getting back with your partner until you've acquired a bit more sober time. Say a year. Most likely you will know exactly what to say then.

PhoenixJ

Go to a few meetings- see a counsellor to help you work through your thoughts. Read the threads- there are many commonalities to find.

GroundhogDay

What Carl said. If you re-establish contact and then relapse, you are likely to do yet more damage to the relationship. Your odds of staying sober go up the longer you maintain absolute sobriety.

jp2102

Totally agree , just scared she will move on and would like to tackle this together but at my pace for me getting better. I just miss her

KES06

I completely agree with Carl. Get some sobriety time under your belt and work on YOU. You can't "make amends" until you are conscious about what exactly it is you did. You need to know the "sober" you before you can start to define the "drinking" you. Good luck and keep at it!

FreeOwl

Yep.

Focus on you. On recovery. On becoming well, fully.

If you have a future with her, it will come in due course.

Pierce1230

Absolutely

I was in a similar situation, and I focused on myself and my recovery.

About a year later, my ex came back and said I was the man of her dreams and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. The problem was that she didn't even know me because I didn't even know myself at the time, and in the meantime, I had met the real love of my life.

Life can be funny like that sometimes

Dee74

I'm glad you've joined us JP. I agree the focus needs to be on you now.
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here to help you stay sober

D