fathers day, I remember
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fathers day, I remember
Yeah, I remember my father well.
I remember him slapping me around for no reason thinking it was funny. I remember him using his military belt beating the hell out of me for something I didn't know I did. Those strap beating were frequent.
I remember him calling out my name, and me pissing in my pants knowing I was in trouble but didn't know why.
I remember him shoving my underpants in my face when I was maybe six cause I messed in my pants cause we were at a bar and he was too busy to take care of me.
I remember the physical and emotional pain he inflicted on me and the rest of my family.
I remember my planning on killing him with a rifle I had to relieve my and my families pain, and run away with a suitcase of stuff into the woods in the back of my house.
Luckily, my parents divorced or I would of killed him.
On the bright side, I had everything I needed. A house, food, clothes and Christmas was a gold mine for some reason. And most of all, a great mother. I miss my mother very much. John
I remember him slapping me around for no reason thinking it was funny. I remember him using his military belt beating the hell out of me for something I didn't know I did. Those strap beating were frequent.
I remember him calling out my name, and me pissing in my pants knowing I was in trouble but didn't know why.
I remember him shoving my underpants in my face when I was maybe six cause I messed in my pants cause we were at a bar and he was too busy to take care of me.
I remember the physical and emotional pain he inflicted on me and the rest of my family.
I remember my planning on killing him with a rifle I had to relieve my and my families pain, and run away with a suitcase of stuff into the woods in the back of my house.
Luckily, my parents divorced or I would of killed him.
On the bright side, I had everything I needed. A house, food, clothes and Christmas was a gold mine for some reason. And most of all, a great mother. I miss my mother very much. John
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I am really sorry you went through that John 
I hope you can find some comfort in that, you are not alone in this grief and trauma for what was and wasn't, that you are a stronger person because of it, a survivor, and I'm glad you are able to find some positive in all the pain of the past.
Sometimes it's really hard and it takes a lot of work but we really can take some good lessons and strength from these horrible things that happen to us. It took me a long time, a lot of work with people who had walked the walk and were qualified to help and a lot of soul searching before I was able to move past a lot of it and realized it didn't define me.
You sound like you are well on your way, and I hope you can have pride in who you are today and how far you have come in life from those terrible beginning years.
Sending you love and strength
I know these holidays can be hard for a lot of us.
Del
I hope you can find some comfort in that, you are not alone in this grief and trauma for what was and wasn't, that you are a stronger person because of it, a survivor, and I'm glad you are able to find some positive in all the pain of the past.
Sometimes it's really hard and it takes a lot of work but we really can take some good lessons and strength from these horrible things that happen to us. It took me a long time, a lot of work with people who had walked the walk and were qualified to help and a lot of soul searching before I was able to move past a lot of it and realized it didn't define me.
You sound like you are well on your way, and I hope you can have pride in who you are today and how far you have come in life from those terrible beginning years.
Sending you love and strength
I know these holidays can be hard for a lot of us.
Del
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Ah yes, dear old dad. First one to take me to bar at age twelve. Beat my brother senseless.
I did almost shoot him one day when he was beating our dog for no reason.
A drunk and a loser.
I didn't attend his funeral and if he died again tomorrow I wouldn't go to that one either.
I feel for you, friend.
I did almost shoot him one day when he was beating our dog for no reason.
A drunk and a loser.
I didn't attend his funeral and if he died again tomorrow I wouldn't go to that one either.
I feel for you, friend.
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm sorry you had to go through that John.
I'm glad you survived and that you were able to be the right kind of male role model to your students over the years
D
I'm glad you survived and that you were able to be the right kind of male role model to your students over the years
D
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
What a sucky story. Violence of any kind on the innocent is crap. Are you at peace over this?
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The only thing that bothers me today because of my childhood other then the anxiety and depression that usually accompanies this sort of upbringing is the difficulty I have forming emotional attachments. Just never learned how to do this. With the work I used to do, I'd see kids having a good time with their fathers. I always wondered what that must feel like. It was almost like observing something from a different world if that makes sense. Kinda like visiting a country with a whole different culture. Strange feeling. John
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