Tough love
Maladaptive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Tough love
I read various posts and there's always some excuse people who want to drink have for drinking.
I hope this isn't harsh, but my opinion is that if you don't need medical supervision, then just stop.
You can do it, if you really want to.
It took me a 4 year binge after being sober for about 7 ( i am fuzzy on the math) to decide I had had enough. Before that, I kept saying I will stop, but knew in my heart I wasn't going to. It was just for effect.
So are you saying you're stopping for effect, to go through the motions or do you really have a desire to stop. If the latter, you can do it. There are lots of avenues-AA, Smart, RR (my choice), rehab, etc.
Just do it. Stop lying to yourself. It's not necessarily easy, but the good things never are.
I say this with love.
I hope this isn't harsh, but my opinion is that if you don't need medical supervision, then just stop.
You can do it, if you really want to.
It took me a 4 year binge after being sober for about 7 ( i am fuzzy on the math) to decide I had had enough. Before that, I kept saying I will stop, but knew in my heart I wasn't going to. It was just for effect.
So are you saying you're stopping for effect, to go through the motions or do you really have a desire to stop. If the latter, you can do it. There are lots of avenues-AA, Smart, RR (my choice), rehab, etc.
Just do it. Stop lying to yourself. It's not necessarily easy, but the good things never are.
I say this with love.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi shitzupuppy. I'm glad you have never known the agony of wanting to stop but finding it harder than you realized. Making a logical decision that is sabotaged for no reason you can put your finger on.
AA and other resources exist because it is difficult and often beyond the user's understanding. I was there. I made logical decisions about everything else in my life, but not the drinking bit. As for excuses - I didn't need one, and I never pretended I did. I drank because I was an alcoholic. And I have compassion for those still suffering with it.
AA and other resources exist because it is difficult and often beyond the user's understanding. I was there. I made logical decisions about everything else in my life, but not the drinking bit. As for excuses - I didn't need one, and I never pretended I did. I drank because I was an alcoholic. And I have compassion for those still suffering with it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 296
What is the point of this post? Tough love? To tell people who are struggling they just arnt trying hard enough? Don't have enough willpower? I'm really happy for you that your doing well but please don't patronise the many members here who are desperately trying to turn their lives around and having setbacks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 101
While there are common factors among us alcoholics (sense of loneliness, compulsion, and most importantly - brain chemistry), the way addiction manifests itself is very different. The "Just Stop" can work for some people, but not everyone.
My own experience is limited (2 months sober). Tough love doesn't hep me, what does is kindness and compassion toward to desire to drink - more often though, the sadness at not being able to drink safely. This isn't to say I acquiesce to the desire, rather I acknowledge that feeling and try to give it some firm sympathy before letting it go.
I'm not looking to get involved in a flame war. I'm not actually directing this response toward Shitzu puppy, but to others who may read this. As the AA Big Book says, alcohol is cunning and baffling. Relapsing is not a fault of character or willpower. It is a struggle and process against an active addiction. I want to make sure that others who are still really struggling with sobriety read that, and can take reinforcement from that.
My own experience is limited (2 months sober). Tough love doesn't hep me, what does is kindness and compassion toward to desire to drink - more often though, the sadness at not being able to drink safely. This isn't to say I acquiesce to the desire, rather I acknowledge that feeling and try to give it some firm sympathy before letting it go.
I'm not looking to get involved in a flame war. I'm not actually directing this response toward Shitzu puppy, but to others who may read this. As the AA Big Book says, alcohol is cunning and baffling. Relapsing is not a fault of character or willpower. It is a struggle and process against an active addiction. I want to make sure that others who are still really struggling with sobriety read that, and can take reinforcement from that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I would like to say that with an addiction it is not necessarily the easiest to "just stop." What you are saying does make sense on many levels, but if it were that easy then there would not be so many people needing a forum for support, doctors for medications, rehabs, books, etc.
There is a mental aspect to the addiction that can really control an individuals life. I struggled for 3 years after relapsing. Its not that I didnt want to stop. This is not black and white, in my opinion.
Now that I am off the crazy train of drinking, I can look at drinking in a different light. I was not able to do that before. Anyone who is struggling is not able to do that. It takes time, effort, hits and misses. Hopefully the hits and misses dont lead to death and hopefully the person finds a way out without destroying all that they have.
If this is your first go round with sobriety, I would walk cautiously with opinions and making sure that you are not getting overly confident. After a time being sober, the ideas of abstinence can leave us and we can start to forget all of the reasons that lead us here to begin with. Being vigilant with support and lifestyle is crucial. Understanding that sobriety can be an EPIC struggle is crucial. Supporting others who are struggling and who need guidance is also crucial, in my opinion.
Your opinion is yours and its not necessarily wrong but it may rub people the wrong way.
There is a mental aspect to the addiction that can really control an individuals life. I struggled for 3 years after relapsing. Its not that I didnt want to stop. This is not black and white, in my opinion.
Now that I am off the crazy train of drinking, I can look at drinking in a different light. I was not able to do that before. Anyone who is struggling is not able to do that. It takes time, effort, hits and misses. Hopefully the hits and misses dont lead to death and hopefully the person finds a way out without destroying all that they have.
If this is your first go round with sobriety, I would walk cautiously with opinions and making sure that you are not getting overly confident. After a time being sober, the ideas of abstinence can leave us and we can start to forget all of the reasons that lead us here to begin with. Being vigilant with support and lifestyle is crucial. Understanding that sobriety can be an EPIC struggle is crucial. Supporting others who are struggling and who need guidance is also crucial, in my opinion.
Your opinion is yours and its not necessarily wrong but it may rub people the wrong way.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I think the statements rub peoples' AV the wrong way, the AV will always reject the concept of never again.
Addiction's cardinal rule is never say never to drinking or using again, 'we' are allowed to break that rule , actually , you have to
BTW congratulations shitzupuppy on your decision!! , and keep in mind the AV is never going to like your ESH, unfortunately
Addiction's cardinal rule is never say never to drinking or using again, 'we' are allowed to break that rule , actually , you have to
BTW congratulations shitzupuppy on your decision!! , and keep in mind the AV is never going to like your ESH, unfortunately
Maladaptive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Call it what you want. The point is that it took me a long time struggling with it.
But for people to say: "I've been sober xyz long but it's friday, I'm going to drink".
That's just an excuse.
Sorry it wasn't meant to diminish the struggle, but some struggles are the size of gnats and some are like bears. You can't let the gnats trip you up.
But for people to say: "I've been sober xyz long but it's friday, I'm going to drink".
That's just an excuse.
Sorry it wasn't meant to diminish the struggle, but some struggles are the size of gnats and some are like bears. You can't let the gnats trip you up.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Getting out of the pit of addiction is no easy road, that's for sure, though regardless if you follow the AA "disease of the mind" concept, the RR "beast", or other recovery plan, the same concept is pretty much the same. Our subconscious mind tells us we need alcohol, that we can not live without it, and will do anything to get what it wants. While our conscious mind knows this is a lie that we do not need alcohol, and are fully aware of the terrible consequences it causes.
Our subconscious mind/AV can scream and yell all it wants, but at the end of the day, only our true selves make the decision to drink. Nothing forces us to do so, and every time we do drink, it's because we made the choice to drink, even though we often will make up every excuse in the book as to why we "had" to.
Our subconscious mind/AV can scream and yell all it wants, but at the end of the day, only our true selves make the decision to drink. Nothing forces us to do so, and every time we do drink, it's because we made the choice to drink, even though we often will make up every excuse in the book as to why we "had" to.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
It is my belief that while there are many commonalities among alcoholics, there are differences as well. While for some of us, "just stop," might be possible, for many others of us with different combinations of genetics, physical and mental health levels, histories, and biochemestries, it's a much, much harder road.
One size does not fit all.
One size does not fit all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Nothing gets physical power over our hand and makes us put that drink to our lips.
We have to fight the underlying problems....
It's really hard for everyone but all can do it, it just takes that. Simple but not easy.
We have to fight the underlying problems....
It's really hard for everyone but all can do it, it just takes that. Simple but not easy.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,472
Stopping drinking and dealing with myself and my life was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. If I could have just stopped, I would have. I couldn't and I struggled. I hated myself enormously. Tough love may work in some cases but it would not have worked for me. I was terribly wounded. Compassion was what I needed.
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