Amanda05

I am back after a month or so of drinking most nights, I can't seem to stop. I promise myself I won't drink again and then, there I am stopping off to buy the booze. I am so weak and so pathetic. All the horrible things going on in the world and I can't even stop myself from drinking. So tired of myself and this hamster wheel I am on. I feel like running away. I hate myself I really do. I don't really know a life without alcohol, it scares me.

joandmelandhan

Hi Amanda. You're doing a very brave thing and it is a big scary step. Just spotted you on the 24 hour thread so maybe focus on that. 24 hours. One day or one hour or even one minute at a time. That's how many of us started I'm sure. Please post as much as you need to and look after yourself. If you feel you need to see a doc then please do.
As bad as you may feel now you have made a brilliant decision and you will get loads of support here. Take care ❤❤❤

PhoenixJ

Amanda- all the horrible things in the world is not a comparison to the self imposed hell we give ourselves with addiction. The best we can do- is stop, get help and try to heal and grow.
Putting yourself down does not help. No one here judges- least of all me. Low self esteem? I get that- so much. Drinking makes it worse
So- a plan (as you will find in the Sticky's), go to a meeting-AA/SMART..see your doc and get a check up (be honest, it starts with that), see a counsellor, perhaps REHAB. Empathy and support to you.

Dee74

Hi Amanda

Beating yourself up is just wasted energy. When we feel badly about ourselves it can make it even easier to say screw it and drink again...

Use that energy to make a recovery plan.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

Commit to posting here daily or more than daily. Join a few threads.

We all put a vast amount of energy into our drinking.
The more effort you put into your recovery instead? the more you'll get back

D

NoahJ

I pray that you feel loved, you feel safe, and you feel present. Hang in there.

CaseyW

Glad you're back with us, Amanda. Stick close, post often, remember that you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what thoughts/lies your addiction throws your way. Getting sober isn't easy, but that's because it's worth it.

graciepearl

Ditto to Dee take all that anger and disgust and impose the face of your drink of choice on it and curse the real enemy. You can beat this!!

SoberInStAlbans

Hang in there Amanda! Most, it not all of us, can relate to what you are saying. Every time my wife had to confront me about being drunk I would yell at her about how much I hate myself. Addiction is such a vicious circle. It will only make everything worse in the long run.

Agree with others above. Get help from meetings AA or otherwise. Stay close to SR. Have you talked about it with those close to you? They probably already know you have a problem even if you have never talked about it. Can you switch up your routine? Maybe take a different route home to avoid your usual store(s)?

Hang in there. I am back on Day 1 but trying to use new additions as well.

Awake61

I'm in early days of recovery and this site has been a godsend for me. We Can Stay Sober.