loosing my mind

Old 06-08-2017, 08:28 AM
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Unhappy loosing my mind

I have always been my sister's protector and biggest fan, how did I not see she was abusing drugs. I have failed her. How did I not see all the signs? What the hell was she thinking? How do I help her? How do I protect my niece from her parents? How do I trust my sister? How do I not kill my brother in law? How do I maintain my sanity? I'm addicted to stalking her I do believe. Since I found out my baby sister has been using Heroin snorting and shooting I have lost my mind. I cant sleep, I can't eat, I ride past her house at least 5 times a day, I chase her out of drug houses when I find her at one! She is beautiful and smart and talented she had the world at her fingertips. She has the worlds most beautiful daughter who is so happy and full of life how could she risk her life by doing that at home with her child how could she risk loosing her. She said she was gonna get clean by going to a doctor talking for a few min get a prescription for Zubsolv and she would be fine to have her daughter back. The problem is her and her husband were using in front of their daughter MY NIECE and I dont trust either of them to not be abusing even with the zubsolv prescription, I dont have legal rights to take her from them but neither of them wanted to fight me the night I took her because they were strung out and now from fear of what people will say they want her back. Social Services is a joke because they will only investigate but not let me keep her if they pass unmonitored urine drug screens which both of them have bragged about knowing how to pass them. Also if my sister is actually trying to get clean and I go through taking her to court and win I could send her back to using if she actually stopped. I love my sister I want to help her I dont know how to I cant trust anything her or her friends say Idk what to do!!!
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Old 06-08-2017, 08:49 AM
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Hi, SmallTown. Welcome. Sorry for your trouble, but glad you found us.
This is a supportive site, and I am sure others will be by to welcome you.
Sadly, you cannot control your sister's behavior.
I recommend going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings.
The people there are or have been exactly where you are now. They can help.
Be the best aunt you can be to your niece. Look out for her, and do not hesitate to call Child Protective Services if you feel she is at risk.
I know you stated that you don't think much of them. My sib was with the organization for many, many years. I can tell you that he and his team worked tirelessly and endlessly to protect the children on their watch.
Addiction is the saddest thing there is.
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Old 06-08-2017, 09:10 AM
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Maudcat is right SmallTown you really can't control your sisters behaviour and
Al-Anon or Nar-Anon a good idea.

Stay close here and keep posting SmallTown. So much good advice and support will come your way from others who have walked in your shoes. And there are many.
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Old 06-08-2017, 04:14 PM
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Ann
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I just wanted to add my support and welcome you.

As the others said, nothing we do or don't do, nothing we say or don't say, can save them from their addiction, only they can do that when they are ready. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here.

Take a good read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum and you will find a lot of helpful information.

My son is my addicted loved one and it was meetings that helped me find my balance again and saved me from the unhealthy life I was living, chasing him around and playing Codie detective, trying to convince him of the insanity of addiction. I learned that you cannot reason with insanity and that if you hang out there too long, it will creep into your life too.

Hugs
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Old 06-08-2017, 04:31 PM
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First of all you have not failed her, whatever she has chosen to do was her choice and not yours. She is totally responsible for choosing the lifestyle that she has chosen.

Addicts will literally drive you crazy. I used to stalk my exah, I broke into his phone and sent his drug dealers texts telling them I was going to call the police if I saw their number on my phone bill again. ( gosh that was a really dumb not to mention dangerous thing for me to do), I tracked his whereabouts, kept track of the odometer in his car to see if he drove further than what it took him to drive to and from work and at one point I monitored or at least thought I did, how many pills he was taking a day. I was a better slueth than Nancy Drew, true story 🙄.

None of the above resulted in anything positive, it only made me insane and it certainly didn't stop my exah from using. In fact he continued to use and just got better at hiding things which made me better at finding them. It was a crazy, insane time in my life.

I know you love and care about your sister, I can feel it in the words that you wrote but you cannot control her or her addiction. The only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions to the insanity your sister brings you.

Have you been to an ALANON or a Naranon meeting? If not I highly encourage you to find one that fits you and attend. Those meetings helped me so much when I was dealing with my exah. They give you the tools to put the focus back on yourself and not on th addict.

Also take a look at the posts here on this forum because the sistiations here will closely match your own. The strength and experience from other member who have gone through the same thing will carry you through the tough moments.
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:39 PM
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Small town- you are definitely not a nobody. You care- and feel helpless.. only your sister can control what she does- except for locking her up- there in nothing anyone can dfoto MAKE an addicted soul stop- unless they want to. I am an extreme example of that (now 16 months sober- but I had to lose everything first- including my life). You can offer support and be there for your niece and her safety. You need to focus on you. What are you doing to cope with this? It is a trap to think 'I should not be getting so unwell over this- I am not the addicted one'. Addiction casts a wide net with damage done- like ripples in a pond from a stone dropped in the middle. The best way to help your niece- support your sister and others is to firstly look after yourself. Addiction is great for identifying rescuers- those who pick up the pieces- gives the addicted person more time to spend on getting their high. Tough love....I cannot add any words more wise than those offered by others. I will offer empathy and support.
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Old 06-08-2017, 08:08 PM
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Welcome SmallTown, I think if you read around here and check out the stickies, learn as much as you can about addiction and addict behavior it will help you understand that you did not fail your sister.

Where is her child when she is at drug houses? Does she have a history of any drug related arrests? Has child protective services ever been involved?
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