Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June
The two years prior to me finally quitting booze (and dear God this has to be the final time!) I was so chemically addicted to alcohol that I had even stopped bothering to lie to myself that there would be any moderation, every time I opened the bottle I was going to drink to blackout and that was it.
But for many years before I plumbed those spectacular depths I had an alcohol problem of course but there was something else going on too. It took me a long time to figure out that I lacked self respect or self esteem if you prefer.
I needed others to like me and this drove me to go on what I believed to be popularity increasing nights out where, with the help of alcohol I believed that if I not the very life and soul of the party then I was at least an essential part of it.
The problem was that this mirage of fun and popularity was ruining my life. It made me lie or disseminate to my wife. It meant that I was always broke. At work and at home I became unreliable, forgetting things I said I would do, forgetting conversations and not turning up at all - unless it involved booze. All to gain a bit of approval.
Since quitting I have learned that with a bit of effort it is relatively easy to detach from other peoples opinions as well as the more obvious fact that being drunk does not endear me to most people.
I am not sure if this behaviour will resonate with anyone but if it does then why not give a sobriety a real try this weekend because the last place anyone wants to be is where I was at age 54.
There are loads of alternatives to just going out drinking - see Anna's "Sticky" at the top of the page to get a few ideas - anything has to be better than carrying on in the same self destructive way and there are many upsides as I am sure you are alll aware.
This weekend open up the bottle of self respect and pour yourself a large one.
But for many years before I plumbed those spectacular depths I had an alcohol problem of course but there was something else going on too. It took me a long time to figure out that I lacked self respect or self esteem if you prefer.
I needed others to like me and this drove me to go on what I believed to be popularity increasing nights out where, with the help of alcohol I believed that if I not the very life and soul of the party then I was at least an essential part of it.
The problem was that this mirage of fun and popularity was ruining my life. It made me lie or disseminate to my wife. It meant that I was always broke. At work and at home I became unreliable, forgetting things I said I would do, forgetting conversations and not turning up at all - unless it involved booze. All to gain a bit of approval.
Since quitting I have learned that with a bit of effort it is relatively easy to detach from other peoples opinions as well as the more obvious fact that being drunk does not endear me to most people.
I am not sure if this behaviour will resonate with anyone but if it does then why not give a sobriety a real try this weekend because the last place anyone wants to be is where I was at age 54.
There are loads of alternatives to just going out drinking - see Anna's "Sticky" at the top of the page to get a few ideas - anything has to be better than carrying on in the same self destructive way and there are many upsides as I am sure you are alll aware.
This weekend open up the bottle of self respect and pour yourself a large one.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Shotgun!
I'm shocked and overjoyed!
Thanks for the opening, Sao. I've always been a people pleaser, too. Even now, there are certain people whose good or bad opinion can make or break me.
My self-esteem should stand on its own (and as a Christian I believe that my identity and worth are given by God himself).
Since I've been in recovery, I don't care what the public thinks of me anymore: I put stock only in people I particularly admire or have daily dealings with.
That's fine to care about whether I'm appreciated by those close to me--but it shouldn't be allowed to make or break my day.
I'm shocked and overjoyed!
Thanks for the opening, Sao. I've always been a people pleaser, too. Even now, there are certain people whose good or bad opinion can make or break me.
My self-esteem should stand on its own (and as a Christian I believe that my identity and worth are given by God himself).
Since I've been in recovery, I don't care what the public thinks of me anymore: I put stock only in people I particularly admire or have daily dealings with.
That's fine to care about whether I'm appreciated by those close to me--but it shouldn't be allowed to make or break my day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
Nice girls do NOT play with shotguns Gilly. Remember, young lady- pride cometh before the fall. Mind- I probably would not tell you that if you were holding a shotgun. Long w/end coming up here. 2000 Thursday now. Queen's first birthday. She has 2- depending. I have 364 un-birthday's.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
Myself, I was a recluse. Even within a crowd of drinking people, I preferred to sit alone and drink while my wife worked the room (And she didn't drink). There were other fellows like me, at their table or sometimes at mine. We would not speak, just get up occasionally to re-fill our glasses. To quote Trump "Sad".
Thanks for the opener Sao.
Thanks for the opener Sao.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Congratulations on shotgun Glimmer!
I think PJ might be referring to her majesty the Queen's "official" birthday - unlike us subjects she has two birthdays and two lots of birthday cake a year.
I would never turn down an opportunity to drink for fear of being left out but I just got to the stage where I ruined everything that was most precious to me.
I think PJ might be referring to her majesty the Queen's "official" birthday - unlike us subjects she has two birthdays and two lots of birthday cake a year.
I would never turn down an opportunity to drink for fear of being left out but I just got to the stage where I ruined everything that was most precious to me.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Thanks for the great opener (as usual) Saou!
Congrats on shotgun Gilmer
I love sobriety, I love it far more than I ever loved partying. In fact, I guffaw at the fact that I used to proudly refer to myself as a party animal. Who knew? I love the fact that I am 100% accountable for my actions. That what I say now holds water and can be trusted.
That I am living life, really living life and not looking for joy at the bottom of a bottle. I sure emptied enough of them before I came to that realization.
To all of you here who are contemplating sobriety, or are in the throes of the beginning, or who are enjoying longer term sobriety, I raise my reclaimed self respect glass to all of you and say CHEERS!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Congrats on shotgun Gilmer
I love sobriety, I love it far more than I ever loved partying. In fact, I guffaw at the fact that I used to proudly refer to myself as a party animal. Who knew? I love the fact that I am 100% accountable for my actions. That what I say now holds water and can be trusted.
That I am living life, really living life and not looking for joy at the bottom of a bottle. I sure emptied enough of them before I came to that realization.
To all of you here who are contemplating sobriety, or are in the throes of the beginning, or who are enjoying longer term sobriety, I raise my reclaimed self respect glass to all of you and say CHEERS!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
IN!
I feel you Sao. Even though I did most of my drinking at home, I had to be the life of the party when I was out. I thought I had to be entertaining to be liked. I never tried to engage in thoughtful conversations. I was always looking for my next one-liner to get a laugh. Or maybe buy a round for the house if it seemed like the normies around me would approve. I was The Nonsensical Show...or I was in the corner wondering why people didn't like me and wishing I could get home to start some real drinking.
I'm still working on my chit chat skills, but it's a lot easier than it used to be.
I feel you Sao. Even though I did most of my drinking at home, I had to be the life of the party when I was out. I thought I had to be entertaining to be liked. I never tried to engage in thoughtful conversations. I was always looking for my next one-liner to get a laugh. Or maybe buy a round for the house if it seemed like the normies around me would approve. I was The Nonsensical Show...or I was in the corner wondering why people didn't like me and wishing I could get home to start some real drinking.
I'm still working on my chit chat skills, but it's a lot easier than it used to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Sao, thank you for the new thread and a thought provoking opener. It resonates with me very much.
I am heading for a week's holiday to my brother and his wife. He drinks a lot and gauges people's worth by their profession and earning capacity. He is disdainful of me because I gave up a good profession. I'm still trying to build a better relationship with him as we all get older, hence my trip. The last time I was with him and my sister and extended family 18 months ago, I felt like a pariah because I wasn't drinking. They all were and the rubbish they spouted off! Same old tired family stories. Anyway, staying close to SR was a lifesaver. I will be close by again!
A good and safe, sober weekend to all.
I am heading for a week's holiday to my brother and his wife. He drinks a lot and gauges people's worth by their profession and earning capacity. He is disdainful of me because I gave up a good profession. I'm still trying to build a better relationship with him as we all get older, hence my trip. The last time I was with him and my sister and extended family 18 months ago, I felt like a pariah because I wasn't drinking. They all were and the rubbish they spouted off! Same old tired family stories. Anyway, staying close to SR was a lifesaver. I will be close by again!
A good and safe, sober weekend to all.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Welcome to the Weekenders Thread StartAnew and Upstairs!
Good luck Leshar, all too many people make the mistake of judging a persons value by their salary or possessions. I think this too shows a lack of self esteem as it says people have no value in themselves.
Now let me get this straight, Australians, who have been trying to become a republic for decades, get a days holiday for her birthday which isn't even her real birthday whilst her put upon subjects in the UK have to toil away in the freezing rain? Why it's not cricket.
Good luck Leshar, all too many people make the mistake of judging a persons value by their salary or possessions. I think this too shows a lack of self esteem as it says people have no value in themselves.
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
Gilly- yep- Lizzy's birthday. The holiday is for the convenience of the masses.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Thanks Sao...Count me in 😊
One of the things I am most looking forward to about sobriety is that my behaviour and actions will no longer be in conflict with my values and beliefs. This will increase my self-respect.
I am kicking off a long weekend with a spa day at a 5* hotel tomorrow...lots of pampering, relaxation, a massage, a swim, time in the jacuzzi, herbal teas and water...can't wait 💜
One of the things I am most looking forward to about sobriety is that my behaviour and actions will no longer be in conflict with my values and beliefs. This will increase my self-respect.
I am kicking off a long weekend with a spa day at a 5* hotel tomorrow...lots of pampering, relaxation, a massage, a swim, time in the jacuzzi, herbal teas and water...can't wait 💜
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