6 months later
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
6 months later
Hi All,
The last time I posted here was probably about 6 months ago. At that time, my addicted stepson 25yrs (meth and heroin) was my reason for posting. His dad and my relationship was on the brink of falling apart. We went to counseling with an addiction specialist. First one not a good fit, second one we stopped going to after she suggested we spring for an apt. for him, so that he could be out of house but still have a free place to live? Yeah, no. He was still using at our house and after a bout of meth psychosis and the point of me being scared enough that I started to sleep with a bat, he was asked to leave. His resources had dried up, Burnt bridges, and it was winter here in New England (brr) and he agreed to rehab. He was in a waiting/hold facility for about a month. Left and was arrested, returned and got into rehab. Was so so hopeful. Got out of rehab, looked great. Went to stay with his mom. Within a month, they kicked him out for using and he ended up with his sister. Arrested again. Saw him 4-5 times that first month and I KNOW he was using each time. According to him he's clean. Then, he got sick and his sister brought him to the hospital. Hep. C. But don't worry, cause he sure isn't. But the Hep. C wasn't enough, there is also a spinal abcess from shooting with dirty needles. which required emergency surgery. He's expected to be in the hospital for another 4-5 weeks. He looks god awful. skeletel, wild eyed, dirty. It takes such a HUGE visible physical toll. Its not even a question any more. If he cleans up for 3 weeks he looks SOOOOO much better. He claims the hospital wouldn't give him pain meds after the surgery, but I've seen him and they are pumping full of the hightest meds and trying to get him prescribed methadone. Great.
The worst part, is he is so fried now, (either the drugs or medical issues causing cognitive disfunction) that he lies (or forgets what he just said?) constantly , will tell me one story, his dad will walk in the room and he'll tell him something totally different and I haven't even left yet. He thinks we believe what he tells us.
He was soooo mad and offended that the hospital "treated" him like an addict. He still thinks he presents as normal. Its the saddest thing in the world.
The last time I posted here was probably about 6 months ago. At that time, my addicted stepson 25yrs (meth and heroin) was my reason for posting. His dad and my relationship was on the brink of falling apart. We went to counseling with an addiction specialist. First one not a good fit, second one we stopped going to after she suggested we spring for an apt. for him, so that he could be out of house but still have a free place to live? Yeah, no. He was still using at our house and after a bout of meth psychosis and the point of me being scared enough that I started to sleep with a bat, he was asked to leave. His resources had dried up, Burnt bridges, and it was winter here in New England (brr) and he agreed to rehab. He was in a waiting/hold facility for about a month. Left and was arrested, returned and got into rehab. Was so so hopeful. Got out of rehab, looked great. Went to stay with his mom. Within a month, they kicked him out for using and he ended up with his sister. Arrested again. Saw him 4-5 times that first month and I KNOW he was using each time. According to him he's clean. Then, he got sick and his sister brought him to the hospital. Hep. C. But don't worry, cause he sure isn't. But the Hep. C wasn't enough, there is also a spinal abcess from shooting with dirty needles. which required emergency surgery. He's expected to be in the hospital for another 4-5 weeks. He looks god awful. skeletel, wild eyed, dirty. It takes such a HUGE visible physical toll. Its not even a question any more. If he cleans up for 3 weeks he looks SOOOOO much better. He claims the hospital wouldn't give him pain meds after the surgery, but I've seen him and they are pumping full of the hightest meds and trying to get him prescribed methadone. Great.
The worst part, is he is so fried now, (either the drugs or medical issues causing cognitive disfunction) that he lies (or forgets what he just said?) constantly , will tell me one story, his dad will walk in the room and he'll tell him something totally different and I haven't even left yet. He thinks we believe what he tells us.
He was soooo mad and offended that the hospital "treated" him like an addict. He still thinks he presents as normal. Its the saddest thing in the world.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
My sib has Wernicke-Korsakoff as a result of his chronic alcoholism., Sephra.
It's basically brain damage.
He is confused and has no sense of time.
Doubt he could function on his own at this point. He lives with my mom.
I am very sorry for your trouble and pain.
How are things going with your relationship with your husband?
It's basically brain damage.
He is confused and has no sense of time.
Doubt he could function on his own at this point. He lives with my mom.
I am very sorry for your trouble and pain.
How are things going with your relationship with your husband?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
Things are better in that regard at least.
It almost broke our relationship. I don't know if we are stronger or more damaged but we are still together and definitely more on the same page.
He has learned more about co-dependency, and I think has realized he can not "save" him.
I came into the new year with the resolve that if I was going to be left anyway, for not being able to deal with his grown childs addiction "well enough" (an impossible feat) that I wasn't going to continue to let my life go down the tubes (ie. being afraid in my own house, etc.) even if it meant giving up what I wanted (my relationship). I don't know if he sensed it, or was just at his end with it all himself, but somehow here we are. A little more distance from stepson and the chaos. But still effected. Not entrenched , but how can you never NOT be effected, I guess.
Its awful, the physical toll. We were at the hospital and stepson decides he's going to shave from the hospital bed. Nicking himself all over, blood everywhere and all I can think of is the Hep C and if they tested him for AIDS while they were at it. And him? He doesn't care, cause even though he's almost half dead, he thinks some girl is going to come see him in the hospital, and then he's mad when she doesn't? it's like living in bizarro world. AND, of course there will still be all the court stuff when he does get out. Just found out yesterday that his baby mama gave the 6 year old to her parents? I can't stand it. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. I got 7 grandbabies and only one is being raised by one of my stepchildren. I just can't.
It almost broke our relationship. I don't know if we are stronger or more damaged but we are still together and definitely more on the same page.
He has learned more about co-dependency, and I think has realized he can not "save" him.
I came into the new year with the resolve that if I was going to be left anyway, for not being able to deal with his grown childs addiction "well enough" (an impossible feat) that I wasn't going to continue to let my life go down the tubes (ie. being afraid in my own house, etc.) even if it meant giving up what I wanted (my relationship). I don't know if he sensed it, or was just at his end with it all himself, but somehow here we are. A little more distance from stepson and the chaos. But still effected. Not entrenched , but how can you never NOT be effected, I guess.
Its awful, the physical toll. We were at the hospital and stepson decides he's going to shave from the hospital bed. Nicking himself all over, blood everywhere and all I can think of is the Hep C and if they tested him for AIDS while they were at it. And him? He doesn't care, cause even though he's almost half dead, he thinks some girl is going to come see him in the hospital, and then he's mad when she doesn't? it's like living in bizarro world. AND, of course there will still be all the court stuff when he does get out. Just found out yesterday that his baby mama gave the 6 year old to her parents? I can't stand it. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. I got 7 grandbabies and only one is being raised by one of my stepchildren. I just can't.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
I feel like a jerk, but I dont think I can/will go back to the hospital.
It's too upsetting. There is nothing I can do to help him.
And I'm worried too about saying something I regret at this point. (Cause if he wants to keep lying to me, maybe what he needs is actual truth and not handling with kid gloves... sorry, bitter and angry, with no where to go with it. Know full well truth wont get to him anyway)
The last time I saw him before he went into the hospital, I told him he looked awful and he tried to convince me that he's lost so much weight cause he's been working out. ugh. twisted twisted. They really have no clue how bad it is once they slip past a certain point.
It's too upsetting. There is nothing I can do to help him.
And I'm worried too about saying something I regret at this point. (Cause if he wants to keep lying to me, maybe what he needs is actual truth and not handling with kid gloves... sorry, bitter and angry, with no where to go with it. Know full well truth wont get to him anyway)
The last time I saw him before he went into the hospital, I told him he looked awful and he tried to convince me that he's lost so much weight cause he's been working out. ugh. twisted twisted. They really have no clue how bad it is once they slip past a certain point.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Sephra, it is so difficult to love an addict and as a parent, even more so. I just got the text yesterday that JJ checked himself into 10 day detox. No warning except last time I saw him, he did look off. I think its perfectly fine not to visit at the hospital. Your son is clearly in his own world, and the meth/heroin combo is the gift that keeps on giving even after detox. JJ's IQ has diminished significantly since his high school years, with frequent forgetfulness and rampant lying even when there is no reason to lie.
He self destructs around 6-9 months sober EVERY time and here we go again.
He self destructs around 6-9 months sober EVERY time and here we go again.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, Sephra, I am sorry to hear about what your last 6 months have been like. If it makes you feel any better, when my stepson was last hospitalized due to alcohol and heroin use, he told us he was in the hospital so the 'doctors could regulate his blood pressure medicine'. Yep, he does live in his own world.
Hugs! S
Hugs! S
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
sephra I am glad you found your way back to SR and I am glad things with your husband are working out.
I personally think it's ok if you no longer want to go to the hospital, it's not only emotionally draining it may begin to have a physical affects on you as well. At this point there is nothing you can do or say that is going to have any impact on him or his current situation.
I think the Hep C puts a whole different spin on things especially with him still mentally unable to comprehend the severity of it and the potential risk to others right now.
I personally think it's ok if you no longer want to go to the hospital, it's not only emotionally draining it may begin to have a physical affects on you as well. At this point there is nothing you can do or say that is going to have any impact on him or his current situation.
I think the Hep C puts a whole different spin on things especially with him still mentally unable to comprehend the severity of it and the potential risk to others right now.
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