Need help/advice - so does spouse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1
Need help/advice - so does spouse
Hello,
Let me preface by saying that I've read some of the stickies and I have already found some helpful advice - so thank you for that.
I'm a male, 40-ish - married, 2 kids.
My wife is same, suffers from major depressive disorder, a chronic pain disease and is generally un-healthy quite frequently.
We always drank together, I was a moderate drinker when we met over a decade ago. She was a club girl in her former years, going out all night and going from wherever she was, straight to work on no sleep - long, long before we met.
Due to her moderate to severe depression I always told her that her drinking didn't make sense to me. Very counter productive. Of course, I drank myself as well...but then, I don't suffer from depression.
She takes depression medicine. She sees professional help. Her depression is managed although that is a liberal word..she still suffers from it badly and has good spells and bad.
Our two children are young (under 10).
There is no physical abuse in our relationship but obviously, my wife and I have arguments. Mostly behind the children's backs, of course. Thankfully, they are blissfully unaware of our concerns. She has called me names and I her.
As the children grew up to some degree, my wife developed a disease (I'd rather not mention what disease but it is autoimmune) and has chronic pain, especially in the morning. She has taken to sleeping in often getting to work at near lunchtime and sometimes, on weekends not getting out of bed until dinner time.
Because of this...about a year ago I stopped drinking. I may have drank too much, or maybe not - I don't know, but I stopped - cold. Haven't had a drop in almost 12 months.
I stopped mostly because my wife just won't get up. She blames depression and especially the autoimmunity. I tend to blame the alcohol. I stopped because I knew with 100% certainty that she would sleep, pretty much all day. I felt that I could no longer be a good parent, (and in many ways..a single parent with her gone)...while feeling cloudy, hungover, tired etc from alcohol. It was better just to stop altogether than try to cut back. If I also chose to lay around all day...the kids would suffer and I didn't have kids to just allow them to languish all day watching tv as mom and dad were 'tired'...
Over the course of the last year, my anger and resentment to my wife's drinking has developed and grown.
I do NOT expect her to stop drinking. I have not actually asked her to stop drinking...but I have asked her to cut back. Unfortunately...sometimes she has no control over it. This weekend for example, she was up until 3am, which in turn kept me up. I do not trust my wife. She has shown very poor decision making ability when drinking. For that reason, when she drinks..I am usually awake too. A few years ago, on new years, I passed out and she ended up hanging out with our neighbors eldest son and his friends...in their basement drinking, while our neighbors were upstairs asleep. (I believe they still have no clue she was there that night). She told me about it the next day and was in dread as she remembered them having a somewhat inappropriate conversation. Not something a spouse really wants to find out about anyway. So, for that reason and others...she really needs to be watched. She frequently drinks so much that she can't remember what she did or as recently as a month ago, threw up about 5 times and was in bed for about 48 hours after. Last summer she went to a friends cottage on a girls night away. I was fearful. She called me at around 11pm..she had been drinking for about 6-7 hours and was staggeringly drunk and crying her eyes out. She'd had some disagreement with someone and was out of control. I felt like I needed to be there, to get her to stop drinking at some point. She came home the next morning, still very drunk and slept for about 2 days. She has told me on many, many nights out...'please make sure I don't do any shots' or, 'please make me leave by xx time'. But..when the time comes and I am trying to drag her home, she resists and I end up looking like a huge a hole for telling her what to do. Last night, I went out until 11 and came home and she was suspiciously trying to act sober. She said she only had 3 beers, but I found the empty wine bottle hidden in the trash.
My wife resents me.
She thinks I am controlling because I ask her not to drink so much. After she's had a bottle of wine and a few beers, I try to get her to go to bed. I really only want to NOT be left by myself all weekend. I really only want her to get 'healthy' rest if it is rest she needs.
We used to share a bottle of wine and a couple of beers and now, with me no longer drinking..she often just finishes the bottle by herself. The next day or course...she needs 'rest' and my resentment to that (and her taking 3-4 days off work a month) is the absolute number one source of tension in our house.
I've told her that I don't mind her resting or sleeping in as long it isn't just her sleeping off booze (which it is often). I've picked up more housework and although I am angry with her...I've really tried to offer her help in the form or rest...provided again...that its not just her being hungover.
The chronic health issues, sleeping, depression and alcohol have really all merged into one pot for me. I no longer really see the difference. She says that I am unsupportive and that I don't care. I feel that by merely allowing her to remain in bed (what choice do I have? I cannot FORCE her out of bed) and keeping the children busy IS being supportive. I have not tried to explain why she is in bed to them but obviously they have noticed. I am the primary care giver and when they scrape their knees or need a hug or have an argument, it is me they go to, not my wife.
I have not been kind to my wife. I have no sympathy for my wife's chronic pain.
I have yelled at her. I have threatened her with divorce. I have been controlling. I do have trust issues. I do not want to divorce her. I do love her. My 'dream' really is only to have her happy and a part of our family. I don't know whether my own fear of my wife leaving me and/or lack of trust or trust issues I have are justified. I don't know to what extent I should be angry. I don't want to deprive my children of a relationship with BOTH parents. I don't know if I'M the one in the relationship that needs to try harder.
I feel my children have TWO paths.
1) They could go on in life with peace. To allow this, I would have to just lay down and accept my wife's drinking/health issues and continue to be there for them, mornings and weekends. I could show them how supportive a dad and father SHOULD be by being more nurturing to my wife. My children are too young to understand drinking/hangovers. They feel sad for their mom that she is always in pain. They probably don't understand why I am not happy.
2) I could leave my wife and (probably) become the primary custody winner in a divorce. This would utterly devastate them obviously.
My wife's long, long past with depression and unfortunate attempts to hurt herself are all on record, with the exception of a suicide attempt within the last 6 months. She begged me not to call the police or ambulance, but I found her, hanging herself in our closet with one of my ties. I had to pick the lock of the bedroom and force myself into the closet and literally try to hold her up and cut the tie at the same time. She was unconscious and was gargling from lack of air. It is quite literally...the most jarring, unpleasant experience I have had ever had. Months later, I still do not want to go into the closet to get my clothes. I think of it ALL the time. We had had an argument, about drinking and her being absent from our family of course, and I had threatened to leave her. Her reaction was to barricade herself into the room and hang herself. If I had not felt the urge to check on her....if I had just gotten mad enough to leave the house or drive away for an hour....my children would have no mother today. This is the first time I have told anyone about it. The anonymity of the internet allows me to do so but I am crying my eyes out, even while typing this very sentence. I just think of how lucky I was to suspect that she was in danger and how close it all came. She had a bruised throat for a few weeks and even today says it hurts to swallow sometimes. She told her psychiatrist about it. He checked her throat and changed/upped her medications. Her depression has lifted to some degree for the time being but the other concerns continue, unabated.
I can't help but feel that after almost 15 years of being married, raising two children (my wife was an excellent mother, nurturing caring...breastfed both kids until 1 year olds through colds, flu, infection), that SOMETHING needs to be done. Can I spend the next 15 years or so like this, until my kids are old enough to be on their own? Then what?
My quitting drinking a year ago has alienated my friends and neighbors from me. I get no calls or texts to go out anymore. I live in limbo it seems...waiting for my wife to go to sleep so that I can get some rest and I just don't know what to do.
Let me preface by saying that I've read some of the stickies and I have already found some helpful advice - so thank you for that.
I'm a male, 40-ish - married, 2 kids.
My wife is same, suffers from major depressive disorder, a chronic pain disease and is generally un-healthy quite frequently.
We always drank together, I was a moderate drinker when we met over a decade ago. She was a club girl in her former years, going out all night and going from wherever she was, straight to work on no sleep - long, long before we met.
Due to her moderate to severe depression I always told her that her drinking didn't make sense to me. Very counter productive. Of course, I drank myself as well...but then, I don't suffer from depression.
She takes depression medicine. She sees professional help. Her depression is managed although that is a liberal word..she still suffers from it badly and has good spells and bad.
Our two children are young (under 10).
There is no physical abuse in our relationship but obviously, my wife and I have arguments. Mostly behind the children's backs, of course. Thankfully, they are blissfully unaware of our concerns. She has called me names and I her.
As the children grew up to some degree, my wife developed a disease (I'd rather not mention what disease but it is autoimmune) and has chronic pain, especially in the morning. She has taken to sleeping in often getting to work at near lunchtime and sometimes, on weekends not getting out of bed until dinner time.
Because of this...about a year ago I stopped drinking. I may have drank too much, or maybe not - I don't know, but I stopped - cold. Haven't had a drop in almost 12 months.
I stopped mostly because my wife just won't get up. She blames depression and especially the autoimmunity. I tend to blame the alcohol. I stopped because I knew with 100% certainty that she would sleep, pretty much all day. I felt that I could no longer be a good parent, (and in many ways..a single parent with her gone)...while feeling cloudy, hungover, tired etc from alcohol. It was better just to stop altogether than try to cut back. If I also chose to lay around all day...the kids would suffer and I didn't have kids to just allow them to languish all day watching tv as mom and dad were 'tired'...
Over the course of the last year, my anger and resentment to my wife's drinking has developed and grown.
I do NOT expect her to stop drinking. I have not actually asked her to stop drinking...but I have asked her to cut back. Unfortunately...sometimes she has no control over it. This weekend for example, she was up until 3am, which in turn kept me up. I do not trust my wife. She has shown very poor decision making ability when drinking. For that reason, when she drinks..I am usually awake too. A few years ago, on new years, I passed out and she ended up hanging out with our neighbors eldest son and his friends...in their basement drinking, while our neighbors were upstairs asleep. (I believe they still have no clue she was there that night). She told me about it the next day and was in dread as she remembered them having a somewhat inappropriate conversation. Not something a spouse really wants to find out about anyway. So, for that reason and others...she really needs to be watched. She frequently drinks so much that she can't remember what she did or as recently as a month ago, threw up about 5 times and was in bed for about 48 hours after. Last summer she went to a friends cottage on a girls night away. I was fearful. She called me at around 11pm..she had been drinking for about 6-7 hours and was staggeringly drunk and crying her eyes out. She'd had some disagreement with someone and was out of control. I felt like I needed to be there, to get her to stop drinking at some point. She came home the next morning, still very drunk and slept for about 2 days. She has told me on many, many nights out...'please make sure I don't do any shots' or, 'please make me leave by xx time'. But..when the time comes and I am trying to drag her home, she resists and I end up looking like a huge a hole for telling her what to do. Last night, I went out until 11 and came home and she was suspiciously trying to act sober. She said she only had 3 beers, but I found the empty wine bottle hidden in the trash.
My wife resents me.
She thinks I am controlling because I ask her not to drink so much. After she's had a bottle of wine and a few beers, I try to get her to go to bed. I really only want to NOT be left by myself all weekend. I really only want her to get 'healthy' rest if it is rest she needs.
We used to share a bottle of wine and a couple of beers and now, with me no longer drinking..she often just finishes the bottle by herself. The next day or course...she needs 'rest' and my resentment to that (and her taking 3-4 days off work a month) is the absolute number one source of tension in our house.
I've told her that I don't mind her resting or sleeping in as long it isn't just her sleeping off booze (which it is often). I've picked up more housework and although I am angry with her...I've really tried to offer her help in the form or rest...provided again...that its not just her being hungover.
The chronic health issues, sleeping, depression and alcohol have really all merged into one pot for me. I no longer really see the difference. She says that I am unsupportive and that I don't care. I feel that by merely allowing her to remain in bed (what choice do I have? I cannot FORCE her out of bed) and keeping the children busy IS being supportive. I have not tried to explain why she is in bed to them but obviously they have noticed. I am the primary care giver and when they scrape their knees or need a hug or have an argument, it is me they go to, not my wife.
I have not been kind to my wife. I have no sympathy for my wife's chronic pain.
I have yelled at her. I have threatened her with divorce. I have been controlling. I do have trust issues. I do not want to divorce her. I do love her. My 'dream' really is only to have her happy and a part of our family. I don't know whether my own fear of my wife leaving me and/or lack of trust or trust issues I have are justified. I don't know to what extent I should be angry. I don't want to deprive my children of a relationship with BOTH parents. I don't know if I'M the one in the relationship that needs to try harder.
I feel my children have TWO paths.
1) They could go on in life with peace. To allow this, I would have to just lay down and accept my wife's drinking/health issues and continue to be there for them, mornings and weekends. I could show them how supportive a dad and father SHOULD be by being more nurturing to my wife. My children are too young to understand drinking/hangovers. They feel sad for their mom that she is always in pain. They probably don't understand why I am not happy.
2) I could leave my wife and (probably) become the primary custody winner in a divorce. This would utterly devastate them obviously.
My wife's long, long past with depression and unfortunate attempts to hurt herself are all on record, with the exception of a suicide attempt within the last 6 months. She begged me not to call the police or ambulance, but I found her, hanging herself in our closet with one of my ties. I had to pick the lock of the bedroom and force myself into the closet and literally try to hold her up and cut the tie at the same time. She was unconscious and was gargling from lack of air. It is quite literally...the most jarring, unpleasant experience I have had ever had. Months later, I still do not want to go into the closet to get my clothes. I think of it ALL the time. We had had an argument, about drinking and her being absent from our family of course, and I had threatened to leave her. Her reaction was to barricade herself into the room and hang herself. If I had not felt the urge to check on her....if I had just gotten mad enough to leave the house or drive away for an hour....my children would have no mother today. This is the first time I have told anyone about it. The anonymity of the internet allows me to do so but I am crying my eyes out, even while typing this very sentence. I just think of how lucky I was to suspect that she was in danger and how close it all came. She had a bruised throat for a few weeks and even today says it hurts to swallow sometimes. She told her psychiatrist about it. He checked her throat and changed/upped her medications. Her depression has lifted to some degree for the time being but the other concerns continue, unabated.
I can't help but feel that after almost 15 years of being married, raising two children (my wife was an excellent mother, nurturing caring...breastfed both kids until 1 year olds through colds, flu, infection), that SOMETHING needs to be done. Can I spend the next 15 years or so like this, until my kids are old enough to be on their own? Then what?
My quitting drinking a year ago has alienated my friends and neighbors from me. I get no calls or texts to go out anymore. I live in limbo it seems...waiting for my wife to go to sleep so that I can get some rest and I just don't know what to do.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the family. 
Unfortunately you can't make your wife stop drinking. She has to want to stop on her own. But her taking meds for depression is pointless while she's drinking, as alcohol is a depressant and negates the effects of the antiD. 
Have you told her doctor/psychiatrist about her suicide attempt? I would tell them and ask for their advice.
You say you don't want to leave her cause it would devastate the kids. But if she continues drinking, who's to say what bad things could happen.
We have a forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Unfortunately you can't make your wife stop drinking. She has to want to stop on her own. But her taking meds for depression is pointless while she's drinking, as alcohol is a depressant and negates the effects of the antiD. 
Have you told her doctor/psychiatrist about her suicide attempt? I would tell them and ask for their advice.
You say you don't want to leave her cause it would devastate the kids. But if she continues drinking, who's to say what bad things could happen.
We have a forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
You are a caring and patient man meirl. I don't blame you for being frustrated. I don't like to comment on marriages as a general rule, but I think you have solid ground to stand on here. She needs to take some action to improve her mental and physical health. The kids need a stable, normal and nurturing environment to reach their potential. I would try to help her as much as possible but keep divorce on the table. You don't deserve to live out the rest of your days this way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hi Meirl. I am not equipped to give you any advice other than to suggest posting this again on the friends and family board, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post and am sending loads of empathy your way. I'm sure it is little solace, but you're a good man and I am very sorry to hear about your struggles.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Welcome to the forum and that sounds like a very rough situation. Alcoholism is something that just gets worse and worse overtime, not to mention, it also makes mental health issues worse as well, creating one hell of a tornado of disaster.
You can try and support getting her into rehab, or into a mental health facility as it sounds like she really needs it. Though in the end if she doesn't want help, no one can force her. Though with suicidal attempts/threats they can, which I'm a bit surprised her psychiatrist did not report this.
You can try and support getting her into rehab, or into a mental health facility as it sounds like she really needs it. Though in the end if she doesn't want help, no one can force her. Though with suicidal attempts/threats they can, which I'm a bit surprised her psychiatrist did not report this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Wow.
Your wife needs to quit on her own. It has to be something that she willingly does to better herself for her, you and the children. She needs to come to her own conclusions and fight to get her life back on track.
Of course you want her to be okay and to get rest when her autoimmune disease is rearing its ugly face, but at what point does all of this become really blurry and you cant tell what is what? I think this is where you are questioning? I think you have every right to question and your intuition is pointing you to the truth of the matter.
Its imperative for you to put on the air mask before helping anyone else. The ship is going down and you need to make sure that you can help your children and you. I know you dont want a divorce. I know you love her. I know you want to have the family together. The price you are paying to keep all of this afloat sounds traumatizing. I read that she needs professional help that you are not able to give her. The children do not need to be around any of this and quite frankly, you do not deserve to continue on in this manner. The level of health you have is quite extraordinary, in my opinion. I commend you for quitting alcohol. I commend you for taking care of your children that need a good role model. You are doing exceptional work here.
That being said, you may have to make some really hard decisions in the near future if you want your life and your children's life to get better.
You do have choices. Those choices may not be what you want but when you think about this long term, for years on end, life cannot continue on in this way. Something has to give and it sounds like you are the one who has to make the situation better for you and for the health of your children.
If I have stepped out of line with my words, I apologize. I do hope that you find a solution to what is happening for your children and you.
Your wife needs to quit on her own. It has to be something that she willingly does to better herself for her, you and the children. She needs to come to her own conclusions and fight to get her life back on track.
Of course you want her to be okay and to get rest when her autoimmune disease is rearing its ugly face, but at what point does all of this become really blurry and you cant tell what is what? I think this is where you are questioning? I think you have every right to question and your intuition is pointing you to the truth of the matter.
Its imperative for you to put on the air mask before helping anyone else. The ship is going down and you need to make sure that you can help your children and you. I know you dont want a divorce. I know you love her. I know you want to have the family together. The price you are paying to keep all of this afloat sounds traumatizing. I read that she needs professional help that you are not able to give her. The children do not need to be around any of this and quite frankly, you do not deserve to continue on in this manner. The level of health you have is quite extraordinary, in my opinion. I commend you for quitting alcohol. I commend you for taking care of your children that need a good role model. You are doing exceptional work here.
That being said, you may have to make some really hard decisions in the near future if you want your life and your children's life to get better.
You do have choices. Those choices may not be what you want but when you think about this long term, for years on end, life cannot continue on in this way. Something has to give and it sounds like you are the one who has to make the situation better for you and for the health of your children.
If I have stepped out of line with my words, I apologize. I do hope that you find a solution to what is happening for your children and you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm sorry for your situation with your wife. I hope you continue to seek support for yourself. Hopefully, your wife will make the decision to stop drinking and find support for her to recover.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR, Meirl.
What an awful situation to be in. Finding your wife the way you did is something nobody should ever have to experience, and I can only imagine the effect it must have had on you. You're carrying a huge weight on your shoulders, it must feel overwhelming at times, and it's fantastic that your looking for more support now. This is a wonderful community here, and particularly in the Friends and Family section you'll find people who have experienced some of what you're going through. I hope you'll keep posting and that your situation will begin to feel more hopeful.
What an awful situation to be in. Finding your wife the way you did is something nobody should ever have to experience, and I can only imagine the effect it must have had on you. You're carrying a huge weight on your shoulders, it must feel overwhelming at times, and it's fantastic that your looking for more support now. This is a wonderful community here, and particularly in the Friends and Family section you'll find people who have experienced some of what you're going through. I hope you'll keep posting and that your situation will begin to feel more hopeful.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi and welcome. I have a lot of the same issues as your wife. I have an autoimmune condition, a sleep disorder, and a young child, a good long term marriage and a mother who is an alcoholic. My wake up call came one day four years ago. It was a beautiful sunny june day and my little girl was outside playing with the babysitter while I was still in bed dealing with a hangover. I spent a lot of time in bed, and my husband was a lot like you, he held up way more than his share.
I knew where I was headed since I grew up with it. I identify so much with your post because my life had become one big blur of hangovers, sleeping meds, and chronic pain. I also became heavily dependent on Ambien and benzos. I reached out to a substance abuse counselor that day. I met with her a few times and she suggested inpatient rehab.
I imagine if I hadn't cleaned up my act on my own accord, my husband would have had to confront me about what was going on. I got out in front of it and because I got sober on my own accord it gave me a strong sense of ownership from the start.
I don't think you are going to have a similar event. And to be honest with you, I think you are the one who is going to have to set some strong boundaries with your wife. I understand she has a disease, but so do many people and there are a lot of non-addictive medications out there. But nothing is going to work until she gets sober.
What if, god forbid, something happened to you? Right now your children basically only have one parent. It is not fair to you and it is not fair to them. There is a saying, "you didn't cause this, you can't cure it and you can't control it."
If you read a bit on the family and friends forum here you will hear over and over how children often come to resent the non-drinking parent just as much later in life for not intervening. There is no way your wife being either in bed or drunk is not impacting them. You aren't responsible for monitoring her drinking, she is an adult.
I understand the suicide attempt must have been horrible for you. Who is taking care of you? What about your needs? Why be in a partnership when all she really sounds like is a third child for you to tend to. I would encourage you to read on the family and friends forum here. You are not alone, and there is much support by others who really do understand.
I knew where I was headed since I grew up with it. I identify so much with your post because my life had become one big blur of hangovers, sleeping meds, and chronic pain. I also became heavily dependent on Ambien and benzos. I reached out to a substance abuse counselor that day. I met with her a few times and she suggested inpatient rehab.
I imagine if I hadn't cleaned up my act on my own accord, my husband would have had to confront me about what was going on. I got out in front of it and because I got sober on my own accord it gave me a strong sense of ownership from the start.
I don't think you are going to have a similar event. And to be honest with you, I think you are the one who is going to have to set some strong boundaries with your wife. I understand she has a disease, but so do many people and there are a lot of non-addictive medications out there. But nothing is going to work until she gets sober.
What if, god forbid, something happened to you? Right now your children basically only have one parent. It is not fair to you and it is not fair to them. There is a saying, "you didn't cause this, you can't cure it and you can't control it."
If you read a bit on the family and friends forum here you will hear over and over how children often come to resent the non-drinking parent just as much later in life for not intervening. There is no way your wife being either in bed or drunk is not impacting them. You aren't responsible for monitoring her drinking, she is an adult.
I understand the suicide attempt must have been horrible for you. Who is taking care of you? What about your needs? Why be in a partnership when all she really sounds like is a third child for you to tend to. I would encourage you to read on the family and friends forum here. You are not alone, and there is much support by others who really do understand.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Do you have family near by? How is your support system? Church? You mention casual drinking friends, what about close friends? I ask because you need support. Absolutely post in friends and family here, and also consider speaking to a councillor or pastor. You are not modeling good family behaviour at home with the kids. You do not want them to think this is what a relationshp looks like, that only one of you makes an effort. That that is normal.
I totally get she has depression, but the alcohol is not helping. You have been so strong to stand by her, I wish I was there to give you a hug.
I totally get she has depression, but the alcohol is not helping. You have been so strong to stand by her, I wish I was there to give you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Meirl, I just want to say how glad we are you are here and reaching out for help.
My heart goes out to you, your wife and your whole family. Clearly, something has to change. Your wife needs help, and you can't possibly continue to do everything, for everyone, all on your own in such desperate and dangerous circumstances.
There are so many wise and helpful people here. Please use their help. Is there any way you can get into counseling with a family therapist to help you find a next step forward? This is not sustainable, for you, your children and obviously not for your wife.
Please, let us know how you are doing. We care and want to help.
My heart goes out to you, your wife and your whole family. Clearly, something has to change. Your wife needs help, and you can't possibly continue to do everything, for everyone, all on your own in such desperate and dangerous circumstances.
There are so many wise and helpful people here. Please use their help. Is there any way you can get into counseling with a family therapist to help you find a next step forward? This is not sustainable, for you, your children and obviously not for your wife.
Please, let us know how you are doing. We care and want to help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 374
So sorry you're going through this, meirl. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice but I can offer support. Like others have said, I hope you have a support network for yourself (outside of SR). Keep posting and stay close the the forum. 
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