littlesongbird

Alright, please don't laugh at me for this post. But, my brother is moving out soon and it is making me really sad.

I am 34 and he is 32 and we both always lived at home with our parents. I know it's not the norm.

Is there something wrong with me that I still live with my parents and that I never moved out?

tomls

Is alcohol the reason that you stay there?

littlesongbird

No it's not the reason. I guess anxiety of being alone or social anxiety is more the reason. but also, i always felt i didnt have a good enough job. but maybe i was wrong about that.

tomsteve

if you feel that this answers this:
"Is there something wrong with me that I still live with my parents and that I never moved out?"
with a "yes"
then maybe its time to look for solutions.

but if it doesnt bother you or your parents, then i dont see a problem.

Mizzuno

I dont know if its a problem? Is it a problem for you?

In some cultures it is normal for the children to live with their parents long after they have reached adulthood. Our American culture does not really promote this until the parents are in need of help. Even then, the parents usually move into a facility or MIL unit.

If its not hurting anyone and all of you are happy then rock on. Have your parents asked you to move on?

Dee74

Kids seem to be living at home for longer now, but it's really not a new thing - it's a return to earlier times when this was the norm.

It's only in the latter half of the last century that kids moving out when they turned 18 or whatever became a thing...so you're not weird or wrong after all, in my opinion

D

littlesongbird

thanks guys. i do appreciate your responses.
my parents are fine with me staying. and i am fine here too.
they havent asked me to leave.
i guess i do get hung up on what other people think of me.

teatreeoil007

Try not to worry about what other people think! I know that's easier said than done. In America the way you are living is not the "norm", but honey, being "normal" or considered normal may not be all it's cracked up to be. "Normal" in America is not always the best nor the most honest way to live. Think about it. "Normal" is getting wrapped up in a life of "images", really. Now, I'm not dissing America, don't get me wrong. But people often get into a trap of thinking they gotta have this and that do this and that and therefore they will be living the GOOD LIFE. It just ain't so, darlin'.

If you're happy and your needs are being met and if your parents are happy to have you at home, that's all that really matters.

"Normal" in America is broke, baby. We are a financially obese nation. All the money comes in and all the money goes out and only the names are changed to protect the innocent. So many things we see on the surface are not what they are cracked up to be. So try to get away from worrying about what others may think.

MythOfSisyphus

SR has members all over the world and you will find things are very different in other countries (and even in other times). In many parts of the world there's nothing at all unusual about several generations living together under one roof. It wasn't even unusual in the US in the past. True, the crushing student date burden (over $1T!) and poor economy has lead to "kids" returning home or not leaving but there's really nothing wrong with living situations that some folks find unconventional

I guess I would ask the same question others have- is drinking the cause? I had roommates for many years because it was easier to make my bills and still be drunk every day when I had others carrying some of the financial load. Now that I'm creeping up on five years sober I enjoy living alone but I do miss seeing my family on an almost-daily basis.

We spend to much time worrying about what is "normal" and about what everyone else thinks of us- it's a waste of time! While it's not always easy life is so beautiful, and so fleeting. We all share this pale blue marble for such a brief time that we really shouldn't waste any of it worrying about what other people think. Live the life you want to live, to heck with everyone else!

SnazzyDresser

Norms are always changing. The important thing is knowing whether your living situation is working for you or holding you back. I left home at 19 for a traveling sales job, then moved back in with my parents at 22 to go back to college. Left for good after graduation at 25, which was pretty late for the 1980s but probably is considered more normal these days.

I know that I could never be comfortable as a 30-something while sharing a house with my parents, but people are different. There are no clear-cut right answers for these lifestyle questions.

Outonthetiles

Left home at 18. Never looked back.

thomas11

Hi littlesongbird, everyone's living situation is different. If your situation is best at home, then I don't an issue. Sometime down the road that may change. The most important things right now are staying engaged with this community and your sobriety. Right?

Maudcat

I guess I would ask if living with your parents is where you want to be in 5 years, 10, 20?
If you see yourself as your parents' helper/caregiver down the road, okay.
But..if your parents will be your helpers/caregivers in 15 or 20 years' time, then that's a different story.
If the latter, what can you do now to ensure that doesn't happen?
My sib lives with my mother. It is a different situation, I think, than yours. He is alcohol addicted.
I have found that he is not capable of seeing his 91 year old, frail, somewhat demented mother as she really is.
He still thinks he has the mother who has taken care of him all of his life.
And he resents the mother he has. She, by getting old, has let him down.
Course, he is a self-centered person, without an empathetic bone in his body.
Kinda classic alcoholic personality.
Peace.