ulfr

my sanity isnt so great at the moment am having a hard time dealing with being transgender and christian i got to a LGBT church and i going to became a voting member there with in involved in distinctions the church and other things with in it the church is very welcoming and I love this church very much am a member of a christian forum but one of the rules there is not to talk about LGBT stuff as a positive thing when i have talked about being LGBT Stuff i was told i was unclean and that am wrong or that am going to hell i have OCD and its the Religious OCD ad other problems as well i was feeling that i am not prue and started to get obsessed with it doing washing rituals and praying over and over my husband is very worried about me i saw my pastor who told me not to go back to that forum but i am having a hard time stayng away am also using a pro eating disorder forum as well and not eating much my pastor also knows about this and is trying to limit my time on line but i havent been able to do that am on the pc most of the time apart from when i go to church or other groups during the day i normally am on it at night ... my pastor is now on Holiday but the other pastor is there so i can talk to her my main pastor is also Transgender so he understand what its like to be christian and trans he gave me a book witch is positive christian stuff for those who are LGBT so i have been reading that and the big book and refections AA book that someone at AA bought me am going back to AA once a week as my husband refuses to run me about to other AA groups as he already runs me to Mental health groups
i dont know what to do about the OCD and my obsessions for being online i do feel like saying **** it and tell the people in the other forum to delete my account from the christian forum and the pro eating disorder forum
My drinking stuff i dont feel like drinking apart from yesterday when me and my husband where fighting and i thought what the point am in **** no matter what i do i may as well just get p****** and sod everything else
am ok now reading my books and hanging out here but i think that sometimes i need it to keep me sane last night i ask my husband for tools to self injure with he told me there gone out of the house permanently as my husband feels he will self injure if its here because my husband been thinking about his family in oxford and his grandparents what he lost to cancer a year apart from each other us fighting isnt helping him either i want him to get support for being my carer and go to a group that would help him but he says there no one to look after me while he is there and he dont trust anyone to keep an eye on me so unsure what to do av not self injured in along time but witch whats going on at the moment i feel like it especially at night

sorry kinda ranted here any way i hope everyone else is doing ok
got to go out soon with my husband to one of my groups

Dee74

I'm sorry you're having that experience at another site DA.

Maybe you can find another christian forum where LGBT is welcome?

I don't think that either this christian forum or the pro eating disorder forum are good healthy fits for you

D

ulfr

went on to face book looked at my sister page she was out drinking last night got a hangover as well went to gay bars near where i live she can drink all she wants kinda feel like i need to have some drink husband stopping me from doing kinda p****** off about it
****normally i dont look at my sister page i didnt even know she was going out last night not talked to her in a few days
my husband is sleeping at the moment i have no money and if i did i cant go out the house on my own anyway so thats that ****** OH well back to the sober life ...no gay bars But sober is better than that sober means i live for at lest a few years yet life dont stop at 40 **** i need a meeting but my husband will not take me to any so am screwed just about to go out to a group that my husband is happy for me to go to as long as he is there with me he refuses to come with me in the AA meetings as well he my carer you think he would understand i need to go but he dont he say he has nothing to go and do while am in there i feel like give up Online only at the moment at lest until i can talk to him about it but i know that is pointless

Dee74

I would stay off FB.

Does your husband still run you to one AA meeting a week as well as other mental health group meetings DA?

He might be a bit knackered - or does he not like AA that much?

D

saoutchik

Hi DarkAsylum. I am glad you are still posting. I don't really have any advice but I have noticed that mental health issues (and I would include my alcoholism in that category) are being discussed more openly on the media, even Prince Harry has spoken about it. I hope you will get access to some good care DA.

I too would urge caution about using Facebook, there are some pretty unpleasant people out there.

ulfr

yes i go to 2 groups a day apart from Sunday and some saturday some we do saturdays we dont when i go to church on top of that there are appointment with my dr and psych and dentist my husband never takes a break he is so stressed out av told him to have a break but there isnt anyone to keep an eye on me as i cant be left on my own apart from groups where people know av not to leave without him he takes me to the AA meeting down the road from me comes home for an hour or so then comes and gets the only break he does have is at night where he plays games until 4 am sometimes other time until 2 am he sleeps until 8.30 am gets up and starts all over again he need to look after himself but he dont listen to me av asked him to get support for other carers and go to a group for it but theres never time and he says he not wanting anyone else to look after as he dont trust them too
my pastor thinks we are codenapnt of each over we have never had a break the only time we are not staying at home is when we go and see his family for a week in oxford but even then he has to care for me as i cant look after myself at all as am a danger to myself most of the time because of self injuring or me over doesing in the past and there was a day that i went missing and ended up at the train station wanting to end it they police had to be call and i was a vunrable adult they got me to see the psych team but they didnt take me in as my husband was there to look after me they just took me home

am unsure what i can do i could drop a few groups but my husband says i need them to make sure am ok some of the groups my husband also get support from as well ( he has had depression ) but its mostly for me I think he need to take the help from carers group and i think he kinda getting over wellemed with me we fight sometimes over my mental health as sometimes i dont see myself as being ill easpically when the voices and am delusional he sayd playing games is his down time after i go to bed witch is normally between 10.30 pm to 12 am i sleep until 5 am sometimes 7 am where am on my own he is asleeping but there has been time where i have harmed myself or my mental health has been bad i have to wake him up between that time his sleep gets broken as well we need help but he will not ask for it

Dee74

I don't know about codependent but it sounds like you and your husband love and care for each other very much, DA.

Its a good thing to have

D

Mizzuno

Are you able to focus on your mental stability first and then maybe approach all the other issues as you progress into mental health? It just seems like you have a lot of meetings, and perhaps just taking it down a notch and solely focusing on mental stability would be beneficial. You are tackling a lot of things at once here.