day 9, i won against the AV
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
day 9, i won against the AV
the last 8 days since my relapse have been awful. much harder than when I stopped drinking last time. The feel good factor of being sober has taken a while, I found myself dragging myself through each day confused.
My partner is leaving today and last night my mum had the kids so we could go for dinner and have a lie in this morning etc. All day yesterday my AV was screaming at me that wine with dinner will be fine, just the one though. Only have one and all will be ok, but also knowing that if I had the 1, I would be hankering and my brain would be consumed how to get drink 2, then 3, 4, 5,6. Until I woke up this morning hungover, last night hazy, my partner leaving angry at me as we likely would have argued, and having to feel that anxiety the entire time he was away.
I stayed on here most the day yesterday as I played with that damn nagging voice. All the way to the restaurant I debated mentally if I should order wine or a soft drink to the point I couldn't hold a conversation, right up until the waitress asked what I wanted to drink. I somehow found the strength to say 'sparkling water with lime please', and I just felt relief wash over me. I didn't have to play with that voice for the rest of the night anymore, it shut up and went away.
So today ive woken up immensely proud of myself for finding my inner strength at such a weak time for me. And the trudging feeling has gone and I feel more powerful and ready to conquer the day. To everyone I spoke to yesterday as I played with my demons desperate to not be at day 1 again today, thank you from the bottom of my heart
My partner is leaving today and last night my mum had the kids so we could go for dinner and have a lie in this morning etc. All day yesterday my AV was screaming at me that wine with dinner will be fine, just the one though. Only have one and all will be ok, but also knowing that if I had the 1, I would be hankering and my brain would be consumed how to get drink 2, then 3, 4, 5,6. Until I woke up this morning hungover, last night hazy, my partner leaving angry at me as we likely would have argued, and having to feel that anxiety the entire time he was away.
I stayed on here most the day yesterday as I played with that damn nagging voice. All the way to the restaurant I debated mentally if I should order wine or a soft drink to the point I couldn't hold a conversation, right up until the waitress asked what I wanted to drink. I somehow found the strength to say 'sparkling water with lime please', and I just felt relief wash over me. I didn't have to play with that voice for the rest of the night anymore, it shut up and went away.
So today ive woken up immensely proud of myself for finding my inner strength at such a weak time for me. And the trudging feeling has gone and I feel more powerful and ready to conquer the day. To everyone I spoke to yesterday as I played with my demons desperate to not be at day 1 again today, thank you from the bottom of my heart
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