BonScottish

I drank this past Sunday. As always I'm left picking up the pieces on the hows and whys. This time I do know exactly why. I'm an alcoholic plain and simple. I bamboozled myself into again thinking I can hide it and/or be responsible. Ha! It's always the same. Sneak a few beers or shots here and there in the garage and think that no one can notice or smell it. Smh. This time my spouse knew what was happening and we got into a big fight. In front of the kids and everything. Ugh. I had a lot of days of sobriety and was starting to feel better about myself. I think that is where I lost sight. I got complacent? Anyways I've hit bottom so much that I'm left feeling numb. I have some big time career moves in the next few months and the last thing I or my family needs is this. I still don't understand my addiction. I can go weeks and months without drinking. Then I just do. I sometimes struggle with admitting I'm an alcoholic because of this. Right now I'm fully able to admit it. My life is unmanageable because of it. I'm powerless over it. Funny (not really) I was able to admit this when I was in rehab last year. Now I struggle with it.

Anyways that's it for now. Day 2 again.

doggonecarl

That's Step One.

Perhaps the next 11 will keep you sober.

Berrybean

Since you went to rehab, what have you done to maintain your recovery? We need to work on those sober muscles y'know.

More importantly, what do you intend to start doing NOW to get back on track? What's the plan?

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Nonsensical

If you're hiding it then responsibility has left the building, my friend.

It took me a while to figure it out, but that guilt and shame I would feel after a bender was because I had behaved in a way that was contrary to my core values. I married this beautiful, intelligent woman. My drinking became upsetting to her.

I never wanted to hurt her, but I wanted to drink even more than I wanted to not hurt her.

There was only ONE explanation for that. I didn't like it, but I couldn't hide from it any longer.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

SimplyE

Day two for me too
Today took action made and posted plan.
All the best to both of us

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Bon
So whats the plan this time - what are you going to do differently?

D

BonScottish

AA and sponsorship is all I can think of now.

Hevyn

Nice work on reaching Day 2, Bon. We all understand what it takes to get there.

I'm so glad you're posting about what's going on. You're in good company - and you're never alone. I don't know why I kept thinking it would be fun & relaxing - long after it brought me nothing but misery. It sounds like you're ready to do it this time. We know you can.

Zebra1275

I bamboozled myself into again thinking I can hide it

The only person you are going to fool, in your attempt to hide your drinking, is yourself.

SnazzyDresser

Hang in there, bro. Keep in mind what you already know about alcohol and you'll be stacking up those sober days again in no time.

mathmajor

I lost the person I was going to marry because of things I did drunk. It kills me to this day and for some reason it wasn't enough of an excuse to quit. I just drank more to ease the pain. This is an awful disease.

tomsteve

i hope ya act on that thought.

please dont follow in bon scotts shoes.

Berrybean

Go for it. It's scary to contemplate but it changed so many people's lives for the better. Mine being one of them. If i had to go back in time and had to choose between my Cambridge university degree or the 12-step program I would chose AA with no hesitation whatsoever. Hand on heart.

BB

Mizzuno

Ive been where you are so many times. Even though I admitted and had, what I believe to be, long bouts of sobriety I still went back to drinking. There just was not any logic to it. I had emotional distress..... I mean, really? I have an issue with life when I become overwhelmed and my last relapse lasted 3 years.

I cannot control myself once I start and this is the black and white truth of it. So, I am no longer drinking and moving on from the battle. It was an epic battle. Way to much time spent being hung over and physically ill.

All Im saying is that I cant make sense of it so I just dont need it in my life. The shoe no longer fits. I think you are in the same arena.