Sporty2323

Ám a addict and need a online sponser ive been clean 1yr and 8 months ím with this girl and she lives at sponsers she has a son i love and i cant see hím because of dhs they first said i needed ill my papír work of my criminal back round i did that now they said i need to do 12 step and have a sponser its bull **** but i really want to be with this girl and her bot só if somebody can help me please chat with me

Dee74

Hi Steve

what's stopping you from getting a face to face sponsor from AA/NA meetings etc.?

If thats what I was required to do to see my son, I wouldn't try to cut any corners, y'know?

D

Maudcat

Hi, Steve. Welcome.
Congratulations on your sober time.
Dee speaks true. How about getting a face to face sponsor? It would go a long way toward you reaching your goal.

RDBplus3

Hello Steve,
I do some online Step Work thru this website, but I agree with Dee, personal Work thru a local AA Group with a local Sponsor that Has Worked The Steps is preferable.

Also, of most importance, the conditions you describe that are being required of you - are usually meant that you do just that - show direct personal action that can be demonstrated - a real live person for a Sponsor, a local Group you are attending, and a Real Live Person that can attest to being your Sponsor.

The **B/S comment just means they possibly recognize you may not really be at a point where everything isn't all about YOU. It was thru Working the Steps I came to that realization about myself, that even though I 'believed' I cared about others in my life, my REAL & Primary motivations were about ME getting What I Want, and that I was Hell Bent driven by my out-of-control Self Will Run Riot.

So, just curious, what are your honest motivations for wanting to 'Work the Steps'?

RDBplus3

Berrybean

Hi. I'm glad you're here and posting, but... and this is a big but...

It sounds to me like you don't really want to change, or to get well. You just want to rid yourself of the consequences of your addiction (ie don't want to lose the girl and the kid). What do you feel that you can offer this woman and child at the moment in your current state and situation??

This may sound harsh, but I just remember how difficult it was for me to consider or even recognise other people's needs when I first got sober. I started drinking at 14 and reckon that's pretty much when I stopped emotionally developing and maturing. What the 12-step program helped me to do was to grow up, face life on life's terms, take responsibility for myself and my actions, and start caring about other people. All I used to do was take and hurt others. Now I have something to give. Perhaps that's why she wants you to do the 12-step work, and if that's the case, that's not bull. That's her saying that you're not capable of giving her what she needs right now, and being willing to wait around while you learn and grow up so you can do that. Chances are she won't wait for ever though.

I found that reading around the 'Friends and Family of Alcoholics' area on here helped me to gain insight into the effect that I had on others when I was still in my alcoholic drinking and alcoholic thinking. It wasn't pretty, but helped me understand the need for me to change myself if I wanted to ever be in a mutually loving relationship and stop hurting others.

Recovery can be the most beautiful gift we ever give ourself, and that no BS.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery, should you choose to engage in it. Thing is, going through the motions doesn't work. You need to WANT it. It's an inside job.

BB

Mizzuno

Something is lost in translation here. I am thinking that English may be your second language?
You are with a woman who has a son or is the son your child? The woman is in a rehab house with her child and the requirements for you to be with her are criminal background and proof that you are sober? (sponsor)