PLK

Hi... first time posting. Not sure how to find answers.
I'm a recovering opiate addict and my husband of almost 8 years is still in active addiction. Long story short is that my husband has been to rehab/detox facilities 6 times (he's currently detoxing at a facility and researching another long term treatment option) over the last 3 years.
I have heard so many personal stories throughout my own experience with active addiction and the recovery process of addict couples being able to make their relationship work but in the stories I've heard, BOTH partners were able to work on their recovery and move past it at the same time. I have yet to come across another experience where one partner was able to stay in recovery while the other partner was still active in addiction and the relationship pulled through.
I suppose what I'm seeking is any insight into your own personal experience and if your relationship worked out under similar circumstances and/or how?!
I'm asking because I understand addiction from my own experience but while I once played the role of "villain" (for lack of better term) alongside my husband, I now have the role of the family member who has tried SO many things to help my husband get better (but maybe to an enabling level- even though I still understand that I could be enabling him thinking that I know better because I've lived and survived the hell that is addiction)
Any thoughts, feelings, suggestions, personal experiences, book recommendations etc. would be greatly appreciated!
Does my marriage still have a shot at success and happiness? im a recovering addict.... I know better than to enable but I can't help but fight for him. How do I know when it's time for me to say no?! Did I miss something in my own journey of recovery that's hindering my ability to see that I still enable?! I'm so lost.

Maudcat

Hi, PLK. Welcome to SR.
Alcohol was my doc, so can't really speak to opiate addiction.
I can tell you that a family member and his significant other were both addicted to opiates, then heroin. They went through separate rehabs, him 3 times, her 2.
They are still together and both are in recovery.
Success stories happen, but I think the chances of success when one partner quits and the other doesn't are slim.
I hope your husband finds lasting recovery this time.
But...I would guard my own sobriety well. It was hard-won.
Peace and good luck.

clem24

Hi, PLK, its sad but then you should have carried him along. Or maybe you did and he wasn't ready for the change. Now you have to start all over again. Think of how you can help him do this. You have the answer woman. Think deeply, but act smart.

KRae121012

Hello,
I can empathize with your situation very much. Mine is a bit different. My husband and I met in recovery and then he relapsed about one year ago. For me, enough was enough when I felt that my own recovery was in jeopardy. My best suggestion is to know yourself and your limits. Set boundaries and stick to them. Communicate openly and honestly with your sponsor. The best advice my sponsor gave me was a quote, "When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou