I am back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
I am back
I am drunk. It is almost 3am here. I have to get up for work in 2 hours. But here I am. Drunk and unable to sleep because I mixed too much red bull with Jeiger. The trigger?Seeing my ex with another man.
But let's be real - we are drunks. And as drunks, we are familiar with the lie we tell ourselves. The lie that makes us feel better about drinking - the lie that JUSTIFIES it.
I am so f**ked tomorrow. Hell today!! A few hours from now. I was supposed to prep a presentation for work over the weekend but I didn't do jack. Friday I went out with friends. Saturday I got drunk watching the football. Today drunk again after seeing my ex.
Honestly, what the f**k is the point in all this? Life? We are born, we live 70/80 years and we die. I don't get it. Why do we struggle so much for something which, in the scheme of the bigger picture, means nothing at all? I just do not understand and it makes my head spin.
But let's be real - we are drunks. And as drunks, we are familiar with the lie we tell ourselves. The lie that makes us feel better about drinking - the lie that JUSTIFIES it.
I am so f**ked tomorrow. Hell today!! A few hours from now. I was supposed to prep a presentation for work over the weekend but I didn't do jack. Friday I went out with friends. Saturday I got drunk watching the football. Today drunk again after seeing my ex.
Honestly, what the f**k is the point in all this? Life? We are born, we live 70/80 years and we die. I don't get it. Why do we struggle so much for something which, in the scheme of the bigger picture, means nothing at all? I just do not understand and it makes my head spin.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
you said back again ... so perhaps you can take a look at what worked and didn't work before as you head in to this.
I understand how hopless things can look after a binge, but I guess the reason we keep in there is that sober life well ... it sure is one h*ll of a ride! Why waste life drunk?
Please keep posting and let us know if we can help.
I understand how hopless things can look after a binge, but I guess the reason we keep in there is that sober life well ... it sure is one h*ll of a ride! Why waste life drunk?
Please keep posting and let us know if we can help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
I hope you decide to post regularly again catlover 
I wouldn't want to live a second the way I used to live.
I believe there is a meaning to life, even if its just to make a difference to someone else's life.
I can't do that wasted.
D
I wouldn't want to live a second the way I used to live.
I believe there is a meaning to life, even if its just to make a difference to someone else's life.
I can't do that wasted.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Although I cannot make any suggestions as this is totally up to you - I always opted not to go into work/class intoxicated or right after. However, it is not a viable option if you're a repeat offender such as me (i.e. doing it multiple times in short succession for one given reason or another, although it was almost always about alcohol in reality).
Hopefully you'll manage something/somehow.
Hopefully you'll manage something/somehow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hi Catlover,
I have unfortunately been in your situation, more times than I can count. My honest opinion is that you should call in sick....life can always get worse. Your boss could discover that you are (probably still) drunk, or worse, you could get a DUI or in an accident.
Take the day to screw your head on straight, but don't make things worse buy gambling with your safety, job, or freedom...just my thoughts.
I have unfortunately been in your situation, more times than I can count. My honest opinion is that you should call in sick....life can always get worse. Your boss could discover that you are (probably still) drunk, or worse, you could get a DUI or in an accident.
Take the day to screw your head on straight, but don't make things worse buy gambling with your safety, job, or freedom...just my thoughts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I hope you decide to post regularly again catlover
I wouldn't want to live a second the way I used to live.
I believe there is a meaning to life, even if its just to make a difference to someone else's life.
I can't do that wasted.
D
I wouldn't want to live a second the way I used to live.
I believe there is a meaning to life, even if its just to make a difference to someone else's life.
I can't do that wasted.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
I was there, and I did make it out, so I'd rather you focused on that
It's like a big hill - best thing to do is keep your head down and keep walking - soon you're at the top of the hill
D
It's like a big hill - best thing to do is keep your head down and keep walking - soon you're at the top of the hill
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by wildflower70
Hi Catlover,
I have unfortunately been in your situation, more times than I can count. My honest opinion is that you should call in sick....life can always get worse. Your boss could discover that you are (probably still) drunk, or worse, you could get a DUI or in an accident.
Take the day to screw your head on straight, but don't make things worse buy gambling with your safety, job, or freedom...just my thoughts.
I have unfortunately been in your situation, more times than I can count. My honest opinion is that you should call in sick....life can always get worse. Your boss could discover that you are (probably still) drunk, or worse, you could get a DUI or in an accident.
Take the day to screw your head on straight, but don't make things worse buy gambling with your safety, job, or freedom...just my thoughts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by kk1k5x
Although I cannot make any suggestions as this is totally up to you - I always opted not to go into work/class intoxicated or right after. However, it is not a viable option if you're a repeat offender such as me (i.e. doing it multiple times in short succession for one given reason or another, although it was almost always about alcohol in reality).
Hopefully you'll manage something/somehow. I know the daggers you mentioned about seeing your ex. Years ago, one morning I broke up with my ex in the morning, went to numb the pain by drinking, in the evening she and her new bf walked by me in the park, hand in hand.
For years after that I drank without ever really asking the question of whether I did it to 'spite them/her' or whether all of it had some 'benefit' to my own well-being. Once I cleaned up enough to actually put that question to myself, I realised I had thrown away almost 2 years of my life 'hating' someone/something that didn't know anything of my whereabouts or activities following that break-up.
Hopefully you'll manage something/somehow. I know the daggers you mentioned about seeing your ex. Years ago, one morning I broke up with my ex in the morning, went to numb the pain by drinking, in the evening she and her new bf walked by me in the park, hand in hand.
For years after that I drank without ever really asking the question of whether I did it to 'spite them/her' or whether all of it had some 'benefit' to my own well-being. Once I cleaned up enough to actually put that question to myself, I realised I had thrown away almost 2 years of my life 'hating' someone/something that didn't know anything of my whereabouts or activities following that break-up.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Catlover - I'm so glad you posted. I was in the same situation. I drank 30 yrs. I came here with my life in shambles. Reading & posting here helped me get free. You are never alone. Please keep talking to us - we care about you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
So glad that your not going to try and fool yourself (or your boss) that you are OK to go to work. Try to make today all about getting better, so tomorrow is a different story! You can do this, and we are here with you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
He ladies and gentlemen. It seems the effects of the red bull are starting to die down. My eyelids are very heavy noe. I have decided to follow the sdvice of the fine folks here - i can't go on in this state. No way. I will take the day to recover. I will respond to the other posts in a more comprehensive manner when i can later today.
I love all of you.
You are bloody amazing.
PS - sorry for all the typos.
I love all of you.
You are bloody amazing.
PS - sorry for all the typos.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
I agree with the others, Catlover. For as much as you have drank the past few days and last night/today you will reek of alcohol and it sounds like you got a darn good job.
I was in the same situation, had a great job and drank way to much, it will come down to keeping your job or the drinking, It really is a simple choice, Job or Booze?
Stay strong. I'm on my 10th sober day and in the last two years I never thought I could make to 5pm let alone 10 days.
You can do it!
I was in the same situation, had a great job and drank way to much, it will come down to keeping your job or the drinking, It really is a simple choice, Job or Booze?
Stay strong. I'm on my 10th sober day and in the last two years I never thought I could make to 5pm let alone 10 days.
You can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Catlover, I'm so glad you are back and posting. And, it sounds like you're feeling a bit more hopeful.
I was where you are, and as Dee said, I wouldn't want to live another day like that either. Believe me, you can get past this.
I was where you are, and as Dee said, I wouldn't want to live another day like that either. Believe me, you can get past this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you're back here and posting, and that you see through your own BS about the ex being a trigger. You were drinking the night before, despite knowing you're an alcoholic and can't ever take a drink and know that you'll be able to stop as planned.
I remember feeling just as hopeless as you're feeling now. And having to start every work week feeling unprepared and out of control as a consequence of my weekends bingeing. Since getting sober my life became more manageable, and since working a program of recovery I have found a beauty to life that I never could have fathommed out in my drinking days. (All I felt back then was either drunken false emotion, or sober fear and resentment, topped off with a good dose of restlessness, irritability and discontentment.)
The question I'd ask you, upon waking and sobering up, is what are you prepared to do in order to turn things around? Because we need to dig deep for that willingness. After all, it's not easy getting sober. As amazing as things are now, I can't pretend that the journey was all a walk in the park. I needed to dig deep to find the resiliance to accept that discomfort, and align myself with others who had walked the path before me, and whose experience and strength could give me hope and the faith that if I stuck with it, things WOULD get better. Eventually. If I stayed sober and did the work on my recovery.
We'll be here to support you if you so wish, but that only works if you take the steps to log in, read and post regularly. And no doubt there are local recovery groups where you could find recovering alcoholics who could become a support network, and hopefully give you the chance to choose someone who has the quality of sobriety that you'd like for yourself who you could ask to sponsor and guide you as you navigate your way back to yourself. But again, the onus is on you to take that first brave step of getting in the door and asking for help, and then doing the work it takes. After all, a gym membership in itself doesn't get anyone fit - they have to use it.
Are you ready to do it yet? Or are you going to dig a bit deeper bottom for yourself first? I hope you'll decide that your bottom is deep enough and climb on board the life-raft and stay safe in the middle of it.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
I remember feeling just as hopeless as you're feeling now. And having to start every work week feeling unprepared and out of control as a consequence of my weekends bingeing. Since getting sober my life became more manageable, and since working a program of recovery I have found a beauty to life that I never could have fathommed out in my drinking days. (All I felt back then was either drunken false emotion, or sober fear and resentment, topped off with a good dose of restlessness, irritability and discontentment.)
The question I'd ask you, upon waking and sobering up, is what are you prepared to do in order to turn things around? Because we need to dig deep for that willingness. After all, it's not easy getting sober. As amazing as things are now, I can't pretend that the journey was all a walk in the park. I needed to dig deep to find the resiliance to accept that discomfort, and align myself with others who had walked the path before me, and whose experience and strength could give me hope and the faith that if I stuck with it, things WOULD get better. Eventually. If I stayed sober and did the work on my recovery.
We'll be here to support you if you so wish, but that only works if you take the steps to log in, read and post regularly. And no doubt there are local recovery groups where you could find recovering alcoholics who could become a support network, and hopefully give you the chance to choose someone who has the quality of sobriety that you'd like for yourself who you could ask to sponsor and guide you as you navigate your way back to yourself. But again, the onus is on you to take that first brave step of getting in the door and asking for help, and then doing the work it takes. After all, a gym membership in itself doesn't get anyone fit - they have to use it.
Are you ready to do it yet? Or are you going to dig a bit deeper bottom for yourself first? I hope you'll decide that your bottom is deep enough and climb on board the life-raft and stay safe in the middle of it.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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