I don't want to lose my wife
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5
I don't want to lose my wife
Hey everyone, I'm hoping to find the strength to stop drinking with the aid of this community. I am 33, employed, just purchased a home and got married to an amazing woman. I also feel like I'm slowly throwing it all away by drinking. My parents are both alcoholics and I had a really hard upbringing with regard to substance abuse and being exposed to it. The irony here is that I always thought my mother was weak for not being able to control her need to drink and do drugs.
I don't drink daily, but I'm getting closer to that and when I drink, I go until I drop. I also make very questionable decisions (obviously) in this state and it's only a matter of time before I do or say something that makes my wife leave me. I absolutely can't lose her and know I need to stop. I am currently hung over and having horrible panic attacks as I sweat out what I did to myself last night. I hate this- but detoxing leads to recovery and after recovery we feel better and when we feel better we want to drink. I don't want this life for my kids and I need help. I refuse to join AA because of bad memories of what happened with my mother in the groups. Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated.
I don't drink daily, but I'm getting closer to that and when I drink, I go until I drop. I also make very questionable decisions (obviously) in this state and it's only a matter of time before I do or say something that makes my wife leave me. I absolutely can't lose her and know I need to stop. I am currently hung over and having horrible panic attacks as I sweat out what I did to myself last night. I hate this- but detoxing leads to recovery and after recovery we feel better and when we feel better we want to drink. I don't want this life for my kids and I need help. I refuse to join AA because of bad memories of what happened with my mother in the groups. Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Speedr, I don't want you to lose your wife either. But if you continue drinking its a possibility. Alcoholism (or whatever you choose to call it) will take absolutely everything from you if you let it. Many of us on this forum have just used this forum for our sobriety, some need additional support. I hope you are able to stop. It will be a great reward for yourself and your wife.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Hi Speedr, I don't want you to lose your wife either. But if you continue drinking its a possibility. Alcoholism (or whatever you choose to call it) will take absolutely everything from you if you let it. Many of us on this forum have just used this forum for our sobriety, some need additional support. I hope you are able to stop. It will be a great reward for yourself and your wife.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I feel for ya man, detoxing is hell. Its one of (many) reasons I quit. I couldn't handle it anymore. Just remember, quitting is easy, staying quit is a bit harder. You'll do fine, just make your sobriety a very high priority in your life.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by thomas11
I feel for ya man, detoxing is hell. Its one of (many) reasons I quit. I couldn't handle it anymore. Just remember, quitting is easy, staying quit is a bit harder. You'll do fine, just make your sobriety a very high priority in your life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 67
Speedr,
A couple of months ago, while we were on vacation, my wife said "when we get home, you are moving out". That was after a evening when I had been tipsy by noon and a total azzhol at dinner with the kids. I survived the threat, then went AF for a couple of weeks, slipped a number of times and now AF for 11 days. I'm still at home.
I feel the same way, I love my kids too much to do this to them (16 and 18). I love my wife too. I was not a fan of AA either and have been going to a SMART meeting near me. I'm also seeing a counselor and a shrink (some depression/anxiety issues too). I log on here too. you will need more than just a website to pull out of this spin. Seek out some other resources, there are a bunch here. Research the Non-AA meetings in your area. Try a number of them out. You will find one you like.
Recognize your triggers and try and stay away from them or have a plan. I know what a number of mine are so I'm better prepared, still its' a bee-ach to fight through it.
Still time to join the Class of May 2017 Support Thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html
Hang in there buddy.
jk
A couple of months ago, while we were on vacation, my wife said "when we get home, you are moving out". That was after a evening when I had been tipsy by noon and a total azzhol at dinner with the kids. I survived the threat, then went AF for a couple of weeks, slipped a number of times and now AF for 11 days. I'm still at home.
I feel the same way, I love my kids too much to do this to them (16 and 18). I love my wife too. I was not a fan of AA either and have been going to a SMART meeting near me. I'm also seeing a counselor and a shrink (some depression/anxiety issues too). I log on here too. you will need more than just a website to pull out of this spin. Seek out some other resources, there are a bunch here. Research the Non-AA meetings in your area. Try a number of them out. You will find one you like.
Recognize your triggers and try and stay away from them or have a plan. I know what a number of mine are so I'm better prepared, still its' a bee-ach to fight through it.
Still time to join the Class of May 2017 Support Thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html
Hang in there buddy.
jk
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Speedr. Welcome to SR.
You know what you know. Drinking has a hold on you and you would like to break free.
How about joining the May class here on this site? It's a thread specifically for the newly sober and those who want to be accountable.
There are other recovery programs besides AA--which wasn't for me either.
SMART, Refuge Recovery, Lifering, are just a few.
Also, peruse the stickies at the top of the main menu. There are several about creating a recovery plan for yourself. (http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html)
Keep coming back. This is a supportive place for those who want to stop drinking.
You know what you know. Drinking has a hold on you and you would like to break free.
How about joining the May class here on this site? It's a thread specifically for the newly sober and those who want to be accountable.
There are other recovery programs besides AA--which wasn't for me either.
SMART, Refuge Recovery, Lifering, are just a few.
Also, peruse the stickies at the top of the main menu. There are several about creating a recovery plan for yourself. (http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html)
Keep coming back. This is a supportive place for those who want to stop drinking.
Last edited by Dee74; 05-28-2017 at 04:42 PM. Reason: link
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by least
Welcome to the family. 
I quit drinking over 7 yrs ago and my life has never been better. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
I quit drinking over 7 yrs ago and my life has never been better. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Hi Speedr. I'm glad you're here. One reason I quit drinking almost a year ago was because I was getting more and more verbally abusive to my husband while drunk. I knew I was down to a matter of months if not days before I did something I could not undo.
I'm not a regular attender of AA meetings but I have found the big book really helpful . Everyday I pray in gratitude from being sober. Before when I was a drunk for 20 years I prayed every day I could quit. The last time being especially desperate and straight from the soul. I do have reason to believe my prayers were heard. If you are so inclined it couldn't hurt to try.
It usually takes a lot more than just praying though. Like I said daily gratitude seems to help. Exercise and rediscovering what you really love to do outside of drinking can be really beneficial. I like to read, watch good movies and play with my dogs . It really does help to find a pleasurable distraction for when you feel like drinking.
Also you might want to consider seeing a doctor and telling him/ her that you want to sober up after xx years of drinking. They might have advice, run tests and prescribe medication that will help you. Mine told me my drinking was going to kill me sooner rather than later and had an honest discussion about it which really made me pay attention.
Hanging around SR helps too, soaking up the good vibes, good advice and if you feel up to it, giving encouragement to others too.
Good luck friend, you have lots of people here rooting for you
I'm not a regular attender of AA meetings but I have found the big book really helpful . Everyday I pray in gratitude from being sober. Before when I was a drunk for 20 years I prayed every day I could quit. The last time being especially desperate and straight from the soul. I do have reason to believe my prayers were heard. If you are so inclined it couldn't hurt to try.
It usually takes a lot more than just praying though. Like I said daily gratitude seems to help. Exercise and rediscovering what you really love to do outside of drinking can be really beneficial. I like to read, watch good movies and play with my dogs . It really does help to find a pleasurable distraction for when you feel like drinking.
Also you might want to consider seeing a doctor and telling him/ her that you want to sober up after xx years of drinking. They might have advice, run tests and prescribe medication that will help you. Mine told me my drinking was going to kill me sooner rather than later and had an honest discussion about it which really made me pay attention.
Hanging around SR helps too, soaking up the good vibes, good advice and if you feel up to it, giving encouragement to others too.
Good luck friend, you have lots of people here rooting for you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Then stop. Stop pouring the alcohol down your throat. Fight like hell. Understand and accept that when you recover from the latest hangover, your own brain will try to trick you "oh it's fine. A lot of people drink. Just cut down." Don't believe these thoughts.
Eat ice cream. Sleep. Watch netflix. Accept some evenings will just seem plain dull. Accept that some evenings you will feel on edge, irritable. Come here and vent to us.
You CAN do it.
Eat ice cream. Sleep. Watch netflix. Accept some evenings will just seem plain dull. Accept that some evenings you will feel on edge, irritable. Come here and vent to us.
You CAN do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome!
You will see as you look around here, there are many ways to stop drinking and if you choose to not use AA, there are other options. The main thing is your motivation to stop and your willingness to work at it. For me, I had to do some soul-searching and deal with the issues that led me to alcoholism. We do understand how hard this is.
You will see as you look around here, there are many ways to stop drinking and if you choose to not use AA, there are other options. The main thing is your motivation to stop and your willingness to work at it. For me, I had to do some soul-searching and deal with the issues that led me to alcoholism. We do understand how hard this is.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Welcome to SR
You already got a lot of good feedback here. Check in daily, reach out when you need support and also reach out to those who need support.
SR has many people who have achieved content long term sobriety using a variety of programs and methods. We are here to support you whatever it is you chose to do.
I would suggest that you take it easy, the first 3 days are the worst. Make sure you stay well hydrated (Gatorade or any sport drink will help balance your electrolytes.) Also try to eat a little something, a plain baked potato will help settle your stomach and help with the nausea.
If you see or hear anything or start getting worst, call 911
As far as the panic/anxiety goes, it is just a chemical reaction from your brain.
When a wave of dread hits you, close your eyes and take deep belly breaths and try to focus on your breathing.
You can do it
You already got a lot of good feedback here. Check in daily, reach out when you need support and also reach out to those who need support.
SR has many people who have achieved content long term sobriety using a variety of programs and methods. We are here to support you whatever it is you chose to do.
I would suggest that you take it easy, the first 3 days are the worst. Make sure you stay well hydrated (Gatorade or any sport drink will help balance your electrolytes.) Also try to eat a little something, a plain baked potato will help settle your stomach and help with the nausea.
If you see or hear anything or start getting worst, call 911
As far as the panic/anxiety goes, it is just a chemical reaction from your brain.
When a wave of dread hits you, close your eyes and take deep belly breaths and try to focus on your breathing.
You can do it
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Does your wife know the extent of your drinking? Have you two discussed it? If not it might be a conversation to have. Maybe you ask her doe her support and opinions on thr matter. I felt my life slipping away into a haze of alcohol beforr i finally, with some help, snapped out of it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Your story is the reason I quit. I did not want to lose my marriage, myself, the family and everything that I was building. I have battled this on and off for years. YEARS. Quit then start then quit. It was gut wrenching. Hangover after hangover.
Some things have to become more important to you than drinking. Some lessons are hard learned but those lessons do not have to strip away your life in order to learn them.
The first few weeks are tough. Tough in implementing new rituals. Tough in where our thoughts lead. Tough in routine. That toughness subsides and moves into a new way of living. A smoothness. A willingness to make life better.
You can get off of alcohol and you can have a happy existence with your family. Today can be the start of a better you. A healthier version. Take it one day at a time. Post here. I do not go to AA. You can get sober on any path of your choosing.
Some things have to become more important to you than drinking. Some lessons are hard learned but those lessons do not have to strip away your life in order to learn them.
The first few weeks are tough. Tough in implementing new rituals. Tough in where our thoughts lead. Tough in routine. That toughness subsides and moves into a new way of living. A smoothness. A willingness to make life better.
You can get off of alcohol and you can have a happy existence with your family. Today can be the start of a better you. A healthier version. Take it one day at a time. Post here. I do not go to AA. You can get sober on any path of your choosing.
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