exhausted369

Hey
Im in the same boat

Wtf is wrong w us ??
Seriously ... my story is NOT for the faint of heart .. it is 100% true and now i have to put MY life back together after 18 months of doing my best to save my (what i believe to be my real twin flame )
from certain death from heroin(fentanyl
Crisis!)😳👀😈
My "soulmate addict " when we met was half dead .. yellow skinny .. and sad .. i got sober from a cocaine addiction that cost me 3 yrs away from my son...
i have been sober 9 years my son has been back for 8 yrs...
Ive helped a few friends get their lives together since my own recovery
But never heroin
Ive never seen anything this horrible
My (as of TODAY -again)
X fiancee soulmate bf addict
Has finally hit the straw that broke the camels back..
How i lasted this long? U will surely ask...
Ive been to 6 countries.. moved towns .. have a broken and rebroken hand .. im emotionally a wreck
Ive been lied
To more times than is even human ..
Im an unfortunate empath whos been snarled in this tangled web of addiction
Pathological bold faced Lies manipulation deceit denial
Defiance ...
The dance of death lets call it ...
Because he told
Me his story and i fell for it i guess

But he "LOVES
Me and were soulmates"

Another SCAM ive had to learn the hard way !
Im
Pretty upset right now and found this site searching "sociopath addict"
Sadly thats not a joke😳⏳
But clearly i was to him
I bent iver Backwards to get him iff drugs
.. in the beginning he made it sound easy .. hed take methadone fir a coulle weeks and on we woukd go with life ...and everything wud he great
.....Right..
I wanted to believe in him.. afterall i figured love could save anyone as my love for my son drove me into my own truth and sobriety ...
With my addict the DRUGs arent the Problem- they are his solutioh to all his real dysfunctions and skewed perspectives excuses rationalization justifications and plain and simole his BAD SELfISH decisions
As far as i know hes actually been opiate free two ir three times now

And weve done everyrhing frim inoatient rehab- he got kicked out for smoking weed apparently 2weeks in...$18,000
Tried ******** therapy for $4000
Coleman institute doing naltrexone implants- made it to day 3 only
Had a blow out due to his withdrawl and he assaulted me un san fran ( second time- first time was in a hotel - he was using drugs in the bathroom in the morning - and when i tried reoeatedly to ooen the door
He suprised me - opened it and grabbed me in a choke hold and cut iff my windpipe then threw me into a table...i took the blame eventually and had the charges dropped ...
Before that intook him to the aeedy ort of town to show him what he wud end up like ... and he statted a fight and got us attacked ... in the real ghetto
I have ptsd and all he has done is GASLIGht the **** out if me ...
W fake arrival times .. locked bathrom doors

Telling me his beeath doesnt REEK of the stench if death(heroin in tin foil is very distinct)
Have caught him 20x and takrn away his drugs and ir told
Him to leave .. because he is a scathing liar even if uts right in front of him
He just finished a $12,000 vitamin IV theraoy yesterday

And i caught him this morning reeking if DOPE on our way to go whale wayching fir our anniversary

I made a scene
Ive had ENOUGH
So what does he do?
Tells me in the boat hes going to burn down my house if i dont shut the f up
Then later says hes going to break my neck when we get back to the car

...also in ping ponging back and forth between me and his Nasty x
... she wrote my son.. and said things onky HE could know to even twist as it was
Like i LIeD about my MOM dying of cancer!
Ok so hes a seriously ****** up backstabbing traitor and rotten to the core liar if true
But between them bith .. i feel they are two faces if the same evil and sickness
And have decided they deserve each other

And every time hes caught im either WRONG or
Its OLD .. of course right?

We did ******** therapy in Nov 2016
And by xmas i caught him again using heroin the 27th
I bought him a really Really expensive engagement ring
After ***** be cause i believed he was clean and that was it
Ive been manipulated into believeing this 20x...
Somehow.. sorry this story is so disgusting.. im embarrased to even write it but im so PISSED and ive had ENOUGH!
.20x...That i can prove
And about 10 w the smell i know can identify ..

I dint know if he ever even stopped really
All one huge otheric smoke and mirros CONjOB and stageshow...
ALwYAYs exactly the same
Narrative , smirk, degredation, hissy fit.. justification for lying TILL days later

He ONLY feels BaD AFTER torturing me w LIeS and manipulation TILL i CAN PrOVe otherwise!! Sometimes days or weeks
He doesnt CARE

Hes 40!!!!!
And the smear campagining behind my back when things dont go HIS WAY ?? Abhorrant and disgraceful
Its so filthy and begins immediately afyer hes caught and "insulted"
How dare i catch HIM kinda deal

like clockwork!
Zero
Empathy
Zero accountibility
His alcoholic methadone swilling X
Has stalked harrassed threatned .. and made him relapse 15x
On purpose w fake suicide threats and closing the business threats
...us the entire time... attacked me last
June .. has destroyed his car 7x now keyed and all... punched him in the face multiple times in broad daylight !!! and was on camera last month
He has a restraining order but keeps
Violating it because his business involves her...

Its a sick sick SICK pattern
Both if them...
i know firmly believe he had no intention of truly ever stopping for good
Or he wud have by now
End of story
He USED me
For my
Love and sympathy and energy and time to get him better this far so he
Could continue his own AGENDA to make more money
Telling me whatever he wanted me to hear to do so

Im
Sure hes cheated on me
Many times also... when we met he admitted he slept w many prostitutes he was so unhappy in his life

When we met he said his x was watching shiws about 59
Ways to kill your hisband and trying tommake
Him sign a will

Now i dont know if anything is true oast what ive witnessed myself
The LIe if who they ARe is their TRUth

Sadly
Im finally
Letting go of this TOXIC person who told
Me he wanted out ... im exhaisted and broken and sad

But ill never ever return to drugs
So in the end .. they are playing a LOSINg and FatAL game with themselves...their EGO amd their increasingly degenerative behavior
im
Done w the constant mindfucking and soul numbing LIES about everything! Its SICK and CRUEL


Ive been so hard on him only because i was afraid of finding him dead in a bathroom or beside me in bed... but the bomd faced lies are so vile
I cant even look at him w any sort of resoect anymore at all


( my friend just died in bed a month ago-cardiac arrest - and a girl he from rehab jist OD in a bathroom afer being there 3 months.. and e got up
And i caight him using in my bathroom the very next morning afyer he found that out!



This **** isnt a joke!
Im
Done .. the pain and misery and frusteration and neverending mental anguish FAR outweighs any sort of professed "love "anymore

All these people know is ABUSE
And destruction and how to FAKE being normal
Very well

Screw everything sacred - NOThiNg matters to tjem
NOThiNG!

Its a PLOY and a LIE to keep u ENaBLiNg

STOP
For
Your own good
.....I am! I HAVE to !
Anyway thanks for listening
I need to heal... badly
What a sick sick situation ive been in for a year and a half as of two days ago



Truly ... ill likely never truly recover ..
i have ptsd from BEFORE all this never mind
Since... and thats just SOME of whats occured between us!

So i say run far and fast like he told me when we met

And i accepted his request for support and to help
Him out of his addiction- and bad 20 yr .."relationship "

All he has done is minimize deny disconnect relatalite ossice agressively
Everything from blockingmmenfrom calling .. to being 3-5 hrs PaST what he says and we agree is fair and safe
Daily for MONEy

He very very sick i had no idea levels of sickness to this degree existed in people

Ive had zero support also .. from anyone else
He has money and believes he superior to everyone and is entitled to treat me as he has ..

Its sad
Im
Glad he left today.. im not letting him come back

Come
Hell or high water.. im not getting
Hoovered again by this selfish sociopthic classless coward of a man CHILD
And neither should YOU!

I actually
Loved him alot
I cant beliebe he DUPED me this badly!

I truly thought he would wanted and would be saved ... the vitamin therapy.. well if that diesnt do it

Thats the end of the line

And my cue to exit the stage show
It doesnt matter whos right
It matters whos LEFT!!

Thanks and good luck to everyone LEAVING YOUR own horrid toxic un agreed to position if co dependant

To be quite honest - and i am dead honest( i cant believe i ended up w such amanipilatoge cile
Liar and the DEMON inside these lost souls is real
It will and DOES tear u Apart! Till
Someone stops
Gives
Up
Or
Dies i guess

Such a Destructive liar- cant stand them)
Anyway i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy ..
Its truly the WOrST experience
Of my
Life - yes as bad as my mom dying if cancer maybe worse .. this has gone on way longer for us both

Sick Demented Fools!
We actually LOVED YOU!!!

PhoenixJ

exhausted- welcome to SR. This is a SAFE place to share and learn. There are different threads in the Newcomer's forums that mifght be good for you to look at. You have had a lot going on, and your words tell a story of your brain going at 1000 miles an hour over 1000 things all the time. Firstly- are you safe? If not - call a domestic violence shelter, a support group. Also can you go to AA/NA meetings?- whichever. Support is something you will find very good for you. Make sure you eat, drink water and rest. Can you see a counsellor about sorting out how you are feeling? Do you need to see a doctor about your health? Anger is not good to keep if it destructs. Turn that into helping yourself. Keep posting. My support to you.

Ann

I too welcome you and was very touched by your post.

I learned a lot about him in that post, but not much about you except how you react to what he does or has done.

Meetings helped me find people who understood my side of addiction, who supported me and taught me how to find and live a better life. I got to reclaim and rebuild my life and learned to turn my son and his addiction over to God, trusting that He could do for my son, what I could not.

We cannot save them, if love could save an addict not one of us would be here. But if we lose ourselves in the process, addiction wins in the end.

You ask "What About Us?". Well we're here and we are listening and meetings are waiting for you too. Just go, trust that it has worked for many many people and go and see if it doesn't help you too. Try several meeting until you find the one that fits.

You are the only person you can save and I promise it's worth the work and effort it takes to reclaim your soul.

Hugs

exhausted369

Thank u so much

Ive alent this entire time being blamed and used as a scapegoat and doormat
Of
" its finally true THIS time and i can relax .. till i find it again

I have literally been living the exact SAME day in someone ELsES LIE this whole time

Everything is a lie...
The second things dont go his way
Its a pattern if
Lie Deny Defy ... degeade me the. Throw something even WORDE out there - like im
So
Glad i slept w that hit 23 ye old in rehab..?!!👀😳 after i found heroin AGaIN in my bathroom...
Always has to take it to some new traumatic low

Then says he was lying and didnt do it and just said it to be abke to Take off...
inever knew this amount if oersonal sabotage could exist

All i did was believe in him trust himto do what he so desperately claimed he needed to do
And have the future he promised was right around the corner
This time
Everytime

Tomorr never comes
Hea soent ALL MY love and trust energy on sneaking around deceiving and destroying everything tgat was good about me
I came to him and angel and he has demonized
ME instead if his addiction amd toxic environment w his x

Thanks for the advice
Ive been to meetings w him but have never spoken a d anytime i did tell someone - the osychotherapist i went to see- and told
Him what i said and what i was told
He gets suoer immature and insecure and says hea never going back there again and degrades me for even talking to a Doctor never mind all the garbage he has ruined my reputation smear campaogning me to everyone he knows
Even strangers!

Its so so sick and sad
And his narccisism is so sociopathic
That evoking a emotional
Angry meltdown from me only seems to allow
Him to say SEE?? Whats WRONg with YOU???

So Done and ashamed i fell
For it this ling

I truly believed he loved
Me... and was dedicated to staying sober and letting go of all that didnt serve his soul

I feel
So used and spit out
Weve broken up
Many times over hismluing and heroin use
But he always hoovers and comes back... w his fake epiphanies that never come to fruition.. longer than a few days or a week ..
the LYiNg is the most damaging and grotesque form of torture .. its all a stage show to protect the heroin??? The money? And the EGO???

Why am
I the enemy and war he needs to fight and win againsy

Not the ADDICTION he claims
He fights daily ...

Always at MY expense with little actual genuine long term concern for what his unresolved Garbage has done to
Me.. minimized mocked at times and ithers Soulful higher self is there agreeing makingmplans and steps and saying "this has been so hard for us both- but were getting there"

We were
Hes gained 30 lbs .. hes def more sober but it only takes ince
And he even said a few weeks ago i just found out my Heroin has fentanyl
In it so now i KNOw i cant ever use it again and im happy its in the past now
And we dont gave to worry about it anymore
Things like that- while hes still actuall Using
He is king if saying hed Never do something ir ISNT doing something WHILe hes doing it..
I dont play vid games- while hes in the middle if playing them for 3 hours-
His coping akills
Are
Use drugs
Lie
Take off
Blame
Then feel remorse and cry and tell
Me
How
Much he LOVES
Me and cant imagine us not together
...and hoe remorseful
He is and how hes "almost there"
But still makes
Mistakes

Its the LYiNg tho
Its a. A huge mindnumbing scam

Apology im really sad i wasted this much of my time - ill never get back .. only to have him leave w the heroin and backstabbing me to his truly unruly dangerous X..
I havent heard much from aA people in my position mostly addicts who are actually "getting it"
Its good to see some people take it seriously at least i guess
My addict has used "sobriety " to Dupe me time and again and has used my trust to run me over w his bus ...
I wish i mever met him
Why did i allow this to happen to me? I totally fell
For Him hook line and sinker
Yet Ive never met a more scathing liar .. no concience at the time .. empty... void and lost ...
Tha ks for replying .. im jist so sick of drugs destroying everyone and they are dropping like flies now for this sick opiate agrnda to get and keep everyone old and young addicted thru the medical
System... i thoight i could save him and worse believed he was worth saving
But how ive been treated doesnt reflect any of that at all...

exhausted369

Tha ks for replying

Am i safe? Well i love w my now adult son.. i have been assaulted three times on record
Once by his x last june whej she kicked in the door and attacked me after wed been togethr 7 months already

Shes literally an obsessed stalker...
And by him twice on record
I fear for my safey but now that i wrote the crown and has the restaining irder against him revoked ... even tho i told the police i didnt want to have that option because i didnt trust myself jot to end up back HERE... i wrote to the crown because after San fran he put himsrlf in inpatient rehab ... and i went to see him there.. and we reconnected of course- our energy and connection is far too string

He is my twin flame but he is clearly too damaged fir us ti ever be haopy ...
Sad i held on for the promised happy ending... but as his dad said last Sept ... u are daying an 18 yr old.. and i will give u the keys to my penthouse if u are successful but i bet u in a year i will wrote u and ask is he ClEAN and sober? And u will say NO "
He told me i was being used and to leave him actually

His dad is his biggest negative influence - womanizer alcolhoic e no filter - filthy mouth and energy man

But i think sadly he was right...
I dont know what to do or expect now... but i just want it all to disappear and get over it andove on asap .. mind body and spirit
I need to detox and heal from my addiction his addiction
To avoid another relapse of going back to trusting and hoping and waiting and crying over HIM..
In this time i lost a lot of weight - cant eat when stressed- couldnt sleep more than 5 hrs
Was always in a CONsTANT distress mode in my body and mind hypervigient always in high alert
Its too much

I dont want to die of a heart attack for someone only concerned aboutnorotecting the DOPe at all costs and expense ti me and what web had in potential and soul connection..
Again thank u fir your kind words .. and advice i will go read some othernforums .. i wrote this because I replied to a
"Im leaving my boyfriend " thread here from 2010
😇 Thank you very much your support

AnvilheadII

the more you read around here you will see you are not alone and your story is not unique. we've all tried to SAVE someone.....and we all bear the scars. you escaped after 18 months......far better than 18 years!!!

we learn we cannot SAVE anyone.....at best we can point them towards salvation....at worst we learn they never wanted to be saved in the first place.

and we learn we have to turn that desire to save inward....make sure WE are strong, healthy, balanced and secure. make sure we don't fall for it all over again.....next time.

and we learn how to help without losing ourselves. boundaries, limitations.

and we learn that what can seem like love often is not. that love should never cost us dearly.

exhausted369

Well im still me

Barely .... im so angry i allowed anyone
repeatedly con me into believeing them ....when every time lying to
My
Eyes and soul every single damn TIME
Im
So
So
Stupid truly
I guess indeserved it because I allowed it and was told and believed if i hung on jist a bit longer everyrhing wud do the 180
Required to walk out and stay out for good ...


Truely demonic

AnvilheadII

no, you are not stupid. it's easy to fall for the con.....that is why the con exists.....you thought you could help. you wanted to believe what you wanted to believe. we all have our denials.

when we know better we do better.