aasharon90

A thought came to mind moments ago wondering
why folks are so against the AA program of recovery
and say its so bad that it makes them return to
drinking or say it doesn't work etc.

Those who have found success using the AA
program of recovery followed the process of
working the steps in order and have kept it
simple for yrs down the road.

What is it that makes folks afraid of sticking
with it? Is it that the process in the steps makes
folks face their demons? Skeletons in their
closets? Afraid, fearful to let out their deepest
darkest secrets? It's the secrets one keeps
locked up inside is what keeps us emotionally,
physically, spiritually sick.

Maybe folks don't want to look at themselves
in the mirror. To see what really has been keeping
them sick. Using drug, meds, alcohol to numb
those awful feelings, lies, untruths, dirty
secrets, failures, etc.

Once you begin applying the steps one
by one, it begins to loosen up those pent
up feelings, anger issues, resentments,
flaws we see in ourselves, and then those
layers begin to peel away, fall away, to
expose ones true self.

Yes we become vunerable at first, no longer
need to hide behind the mask, alcohol, drugs,
no more secrets, we experience this freedom
so many talk about and have experienced,
grow and mature like a seed that has been
planted, nutured by the sun and rain to blossom
into a lovely flower standing strong against
whatever Mother Nature presents to it.

Are you afraid to face your demons? Your
secrets or skeletons in your closet?

210dontdrink

Probably why I never felt comfortable at AA. I'm not a sharer. I was also embarrassed because at one meeting I saw someone I knew.

I prefer the online method so far.

aasharon90

When I got into recovery, not by choice at
first, but thru family placing me into the hands
of those capable of teaching me about my
addiction and helping me work thru many
of those demons, secrets, insecurities, fears,
resentments, infedelities, character defects,
etc, so that once I purged all that cr@p from
mind, heart and soul, then I was able to allow
the Spirit to work thru me and begin the
healing process.

Once I realized that all the stuff I thought
of, all the stuff I did that was right or wrong,
thinking I was the only person who ever
did them, thought of them, was explained
that I wasn't.

I was amongst many many other folks
who have been there, done many of the
same things I did and finally took a breath
and a release knowing I wasn't that bad
of a person I thought I was.

All that stuff I did I stuffed deep down
inside my soul and it kept me sick for
a good while until I admitted my sins,
my faults, my secrets, skeletons and
drank over and finally began to heal.

It is a process but once we go thru
recovery and use what was taught to
us each day as a guideline then we
can remain free from addiction and
achieve some much needed happiness
and freedom we all want.

aasharon90

I wasn't a sharer of personal stuff
or airing out my dirty laundry in
public meetings either. There is
a time, place and person to share
that stuff with.

That's where your minister comes in,
your sponsor, someone you trust to share
with.

Just knowing that we never have to
keep all that extra baggage weighing
heavy on our shoulders or drink or
use over, allows us to get rid of it and
become healthy.

Just get rid of it and learn how not
to repeat those old habits again and
live with out the dependency of your
addiction.

tomsteve

embarrassed to see someone ya knew at a meeting. hhhmmm... embarrased because you were lookin for help? would ya rahter they see ya knee walkin drunk? would ya rather they see ya in jail?

you seemed to have shared pretty good in your thread at a place where millions of people can read it.

sharing the skeletons in the closet isnt a requirement at meetings. theres absolutly nothing unique about what youve said or done,though. many people have been in your shoes. it was my (by then ex) fiance telling me some of what i had done and said the day/night before in a blackout, then tossing me to the curb that got me out of out of denial of alcohol being the common denominator in all my problems.
a fiance who at one time said,"tom, your the most loving man i know, but sometimes when you drink you can be evil."
which eventually turned to,"tom youre the most loving man i know when youre not drinking, but youre nothing but evel when youre drunk."
which progressed to,"tom, youre nothing but evil when youre drunk, and its happening a lot when youre not drinking."

at one time i never thought i would share with others that i was responsible for the death of another human while drunk. never thought id share about how i was an evil SOB when i was drunk and how that came out.
today i am ok with sharing it to help someone else. i owe that to the program. i dont have skeletons any more. i have faced them, learned from them, and am ok with it all. my past is the greatest posession i have.

aasharon90

Thanks Tom.....

What you shared has meaning and truth
to it because it is filled with your ESH - experience,
strength and hope.

I'm like you, if I can honestly share what
life was and is like before, during and after
my addiction to alcohol in hopes that it
helps another person sick or struggling
in their addiction, then ive done my job
for the day.

It's comforting to know we don't have be
those SOB's or jackazz's in life any longer
while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

It's also freeing to know there are no
more skeletons in our closets nor secrets
or lies.

Today I am an open book because I have
nothing to hide. Thank God..!!!!

thomas11

I'm not an AA'er but I definitely had to face some serious demons. Ironically though, it was long before I joined this forum. I had to look in the mirror and be brutally honest about the person looking back at me. That person needed to change and pay a penance. Probably one of the hardest things I've done in my life. During that period I wrote a book about my life to that point that I have on disk somewhere. Probably should try to find it.

herculana

I don't know, folks, telling your darkest secrets to people you barely know yet isnt the wisest thing in the world, and that should be common sense. Especially if you're intensely scared and vulnerable.

If someone is reluctant to do so, I call that a healthy and wise reluctance.

Members of AA and sponsors of the AA program are flawed and just as "safe" as any other stranger.

My father, a well respected, and sought after sponsor, was, for about three solid years (while sponsoring) abusing pain meds to get high (and indeed getting very high... I saw it and had to lead him to his bed a few nights). He even "accidently" took speed in his coffee at a Jazz gig. He eventually had a "come to Jesus", made amends, and started the program anew.
But he's certainly not the only sponsor who has been dishonest about whats really going on.

There are sponsors who are also smoking weed every day in secret.

There are sponsors who are highly and sickly co-dependant (like the one I unfortunately got... Who in our first meeting pressured me to tell her my deepest darkest most shameful secrets... And it wasnt a healthy feeling I got at all. I am glad I listened to my gut and backed away.).

There are GREAT sponsors, too. Lot's. Maybe most? I don't know.

I think folks should definitely be allowed to unfold and unravel at their own natural pace. In an organic way. Pressure rarely if ever works very well. Its usually too controlling and will backfire.

A newcomer will need some basics and hand holding and direction and support... But they don't need to be shamed or coerced into an intensive root canal right away.

I would not be getting sober right now if I was under that pressure again.

zerothehero

This is not the place to criticize AA (or to proselytize) , so I will not go into detail about my reasons for choosing a different path to recovery. I will say, however, that to challenge folks with the assumption that they are perhaps rejecting AA because they are unwilling to face their demons is, well, kind of off-putting. I agree addiction is often fueled by an aversion to dealing with our shadows, our past, and especially the present, but there is no reason to believe AA is a necessary process, or the only process, that will lead to recovery. I'm sober since 2013 - without AA. And I have not only faced my demons, I've befriended them.

tomsteve

and AA and many of the fellowship even says it isnt the only way.

ZenButterfly

For me I think it's related to social anxiety. I don't like getting to close to people or feeling too vulnerable. Important people have left me in my life when I open up and let them in and it's difficult.

I posted a few days ago about having a pushy sponsor and being told I have to do a lot of things in AA and to work the program successfully, Honestly I think that is more of a turn off to most people than the honesty part. They're afraid of having their lives taken over by AA and having to go to meetings forever. Not everyone is comfortable talking in groups of strangers either.

Gottalife

AA, the program is very clear about this. To paraphrase it says we should think long and hard about who we are going to take this intimate step with, sharing the skeletons in the closet. It may be a trusted friend, a doctor or a priest or therapist, maybe even a lawyer. It does not say anywhere that it has to be a member of AA,.

The program specifically states that our stories in the fellowship be shared in "a general way". Intimate detail and public confession is not required and can be very harmful for a number of reasons. I knew one chap who killed himself because he said too much, and many women have been re traumatized when some sick male starts talking about behaviour that they were victims of. Discretion is very much required.

My experience was that I' did not want to look at the whole picture. I would own up to what ever I thought they knew about, and nothing else. I did not want to face the whole sorry picture, and I fervently hoped certain memories would go to the grave with me. I was never goung to do certain steps.

Thankfully that changed as I worked the steps starting with step one. When I got to four and five. I had a different attitude. I could see I would not survive if I tried to keep it all bottled up.

I did not and do not share this stuff at meetings. I went through it with my sponsor ( my choice) and I use some of it when I am working with others, one to one. - no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

My sponsor explained to me that AA is not a mutual admiration society. People go there for all kinds of reasons. Some are actually alcoholics trying to get and stay sober. He always advocated caution in choosing friends. Or, as a popular saying of the time went, stick with the winners,

SnazzyDresser

I'm not an AA guy, but AA works wonders for a whole lot of people. I sure wouldn't be averse to using AA if I couldn't stay sober doing it on my own. There comes a point when you've got to be willing to do anything and everything to get free of alcohol, to think of yourself in different ways. I think a lot of people just can't imagine themselves as AA people when it would actually be of great benefit to them if they could make that leap in their minds.

aasharon90

I just wanted to say thank you all who
took time to share your thoughts here
with me and others.

I had thoughts in my head about this
topic and typed them to the best of my
ability, and you guys typed your thoughts
and explained them better than I could
have imagined.

So thank you as we all continue to learn
along the way on this remarkable journey
in life and recovery.

Please be safe, sober and courteous of
othesr around you wherever you are.

PhoenixJ

I do AA- not because I ewant to, but because anything I have tried does not work. The option of 'it is not me' does not cut it...because any change for me HAS to come with doing stuff I do not want to do- which is different and outside my comfort zone- which I dislike. If I do not want to- it means I have to. If someone can come up with a miracle cure- I am in, until then- why re-invent the wheel?

aasharon90

I too, had to and still have to do things
in life I don't like to do nor want to do,
yet if I don't do them, then how am I suppose
to grow and mature into the best possible
person I am meant to be.

I kept drinking from the time I was old enough
until the choice to drink responsibly or I should
say successfully wasn't an option any longer.

Where I was sent wasn't a choice. It was
talked and discussed amongst doctors,
physicians, authorities and family members
to be placed in a rehab facility where I
could be evaluated and feed information
about my alcohol addiction.

Little did I realize at that time that my
drinking in the past was an addiction
and that I drank to numb, cover up,
drown, not face demons from my childhood
life, schooling, my behavior, family, work,
marriage etc.

I wasn't aware of other recovery program
available at that time in my life 1990 and just
accepted that where I was placed and what
I was taught was the best program for me
to help me beat this addiction that had me
captive for so long.

When I completed my 28 day rehab which
consisted of trying to complete and
comprehend the first 3 steps with in
the AA program in which I did to the
best of my ability, really just
going thru the motions so to speak, I
continued on with routine of going to
an AA after care program for 6 weeks
in which I also completed.

Once I was on my own, with no authority
hold on me, what all was taught to me and
from what I began to understand about AA,
and going to many speaker, step, big book,
discussion meetings, it would work if I continued
to work that program incorporating the steps
in all my daily affairs.

As I sat in those meeting quietly absorbing
everything, folks came in to share that they
slipped, went back out and was back to try
the program again.

Again and again over the past 26 yrs.,
whether it be in face to face meeting
or here in SR, I have either seen it or
heard it, read about it, how folks return
to let me know that alcohol or drugs
still has a hold on them, is still strong,
powerful, lurking, drawing them back
in to the craziness, insanity of it.

Today I am aware of other recovery
program available to any one looking
for help to keep them sober or clean,
whatever works, will work if they work
the program offered to them.

For me, I am all for learning new helpful
ways to strengthen my own recovery,
adding it to my already AA program
which I used from the very beginning
to build my own strong solid recovery
foundation to live my life upon each
day.

Everything I needed to learn and apply
to clear away the wreakage of the past,
clutter or skeletons in my closet, deal and
face who I was when I was drinking, how
I wanted to be once I got sober and so
on is and still is offered and unchanged
in the AA program over the past 26 yrs.
for me.

I, like so many have found success in
recovery because we continue to
incorporate the steps as a guideline
in living a healthy, happy honest life
each day we remain sober.