Tlou

I knew he had a problem with drinking from the begining. We have been together for 10 months. Aside from the drinking, he is an amazing partner in life. Made me loved, cherished and balanced. But then there's the drinking. About 3 months in, we had a very difficult talk about it. I let him know that it was a problem for me and not compatible with my lifestyle. He owned it, but said he was going to have a hard time because it was such a habit for him at this point. I could work with that. The drinking got better, but didn't stop. He always been the kind of drinker that was very controlled and rarely appeared drunk. But I found myself counting how many drinks he had, which I knew was a problem. I said how I felt, and left it to him. Three months later, we had to talk about it again. I'm a professional and don't feel that just because it's Friday, we should be drinking... afterall, I'm 40 and he's 45. He has two kids that he is part time with, and never drinks when their around. But then in March, we talked about it again, and I said that he needed to know, I would never marry an alcoholic because that's not the life I want. Again he owned it, and it got better for a few weeks, but when we got back from Hawaii, it got worse. He would call at 10:30 at nights asking to come over because he was Linley and couldn't be alone. He would share his secrets and how beat down he was by life. He was always drunk. I wanted to be there for him because these are real problems. But not when he's drunk. He was in a bad place and I wasn't ready to fight that particular battle when he was so low. Three weeks ago, he called me slurring his words and I was immediately pissed. The next night I went over after work, and he had 10 drinks. I was more than pissed. He said thanks for putting up with me, I know you're are unhappy with my drinking. i said it was an understatement. The next day he was drinking and went on this you deserve better blah blah blah, and that he needed to process 20 years of abuse and didn't want to be judged with how he did it. I said you're not processing anything, you're avoiding. The next morning he asked me not give up on him. We had yet another talk, and he owned it and said it wasn't the life he wanted for himself... that he dreams of our future together, and not being alone on his couch drinking. But then Monday he drank when he was alone. Wednesday he cancelled his plans to come over so he could stay home and drink and wallow in his self pity about problems with his ex wife. He used an excuse that he knew I was uncomfortable hearing about her, which I'm not uncomfortable talking about current events going on... I don't like when he relives his anger from the last and I have to hear about all of the things she did. I stated how disappointed and hurt I was, and that he was making it my fault so he could stay home and drink. Then he went silent for a day. I broke up with him last night and told him the door was open if he could get some sober time under his belt and work on the issues he has been avoiding. I told I loved him deerly. He finally responded this morning, very business line and unemotional about. I'm just at such a loss. I know it's the right thing, but I'm crushed. I wish he would fight for me like he did his alcohol. He's the best man I have ever dated.

Maudcat

Hi, Tlou. Welcome to SR, but very sorry for he situation that has brought you here.
You are among friends here.
For what it's worth, I believe you have done the rightest thing possible in breaking up with your SO.
Life with an alcohol dependent person is one of the hardest things there is.
And...it only gets worse as the condition progresses.
He showed you what he is: a drinker. You showed him what you are: a person who won't tolerate drinking.
He may be the best man you ever dated, but, imo, his flaw is way too big to ignore, or to live with.
Peace.

Ariesagain

You did the right thing. Ten months and his alcoholism has progressed considerably...of course, it's also possible that he just hid it better in the early months.

You have less than a year invested in this relationship, you don't have children together, you haven't co-minged your finances or your living situation....walk away and know that you're doing the best thing for both of you.

It hurts but not nearly as much as another three or five or ten years spent trying to fix what is not yours to fix.

Tlou

Thank you, I need to hear it today.

Tlou

thank you!

Maudcat

Again, welcome. Glad you are here.

BoxinRotz

This is no life to live. It's an outrageous lifestyle dealing with someone who loves alcohol more than themself. There is no peace.