To Those Who Get It
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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To Those Who Get It
Does living with an active alcoholic/addict make you crazy? I recently got my old voluntary job back that I walked out of last year. The manager had a chat with me yesterday and said I was very negative towards the end and they were glad to see the back of me. My mum had just died when I left and loads of stuff was going on with exah, my grown kids, ex boyfriends dramas and my father that was impacting on the peace. I kind of felt they should have cut me some slack. I wasn't been paid and I never ever was anything less then cheerful and polite to customers.
Then the manager starts telling me about some bi polar person they had been burnt with recently and that was why they were worried about taking me back at first in case I acted out the same. I said "I do not have bi polar. Last years walk out was due to having too much stuff going on and no support or care from anyone whatsoever."
Am wondering tho is it me...the feedback I got was so far removed from what I thought actually happened in that they bled me dry then whined when I folded. Compared to I was a whiny b***h who needed to get grip on work time ( which I did) . This is a church btw. I expected better from them.
Am wary. They are only getting me part time and no chats about my life. I always feel like my life has been so weird noone gets it. Only people here.
Then the manager starts telling me about some bi polar person they had been burnt with recently and that was why they were worried about taking me back at first in case I acted out the same. I said "I do not have bi polar. Last years walk out was due to having too much stuff going on and no support or care from anyone whatsoever."
Am wondering tho is it me...the feedback I got was so far removed from what I thought actually happened in that they bled me dry then whined when I folded. Compared to I was a whiny b***h who needed to get grip on work time ( which I did) . This is a church btw. I expected better from them.
Am wary. They are only getting me part time and no chats about my life. I always feel like my life has been so weird noone gets it. Only people here.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Volunteer jobs can unfortunately be the most judged. It's like they perceive you to be worth what you're being paid...I've had it happen.
All you can do is focus on the reason you're there...to be of service to those who need. The rest is noise.
Sending you a hug.
All you can do is focus on the reason you're there...to be of service to those who need. The rest is noise.
Sending you a hug.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think it does make most of us a little bit crazy. After all, Step 2 says, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Which, yes, suggests we go a little (or a lot) nutso in the process.
People base their perceptions on their personal experiences. So if you did display some behaviors that reminded them of how this other employee acted, I think it only makes sense that they'd be nervous they were experiencing again. Think about it. Lots of totally normal drinkers are capable of tying one on and behaving in silly or embarrassing ways. People who haven't lived with alcoholism would be likely to write it off as not a big deal. People who HAVE lived with it are likely to be very nervous and put off by it, and perhaps quick to jump to the conclusion this person might be an alcoholic, too.
Right?
I wouldn't stress too much over it if I were you. It's in the past--the manager didn't have to say anything, but s/he might have been trying to explain why they had been wary.
People base their perceptions on their personal experiences. So if you did display some behaviors that reminded them of how this other employee acted, I think it only makes sense that they'd be nervous they were experiencing again. Think about it. Lots of totally normal drinkers are capable of tying one on and behaving in silly or embarrassing ways. People who haven't lived with alcoholism would be likely to write it off as not a big deal. People who HAVE lived with it are likely to be very nervous and put off by it, and perhaps quick to jump to the conclusion this person might be an alcoholic, too.
Right?
I wouldn't stress too much over it if I were you. It's in the past--the manager didn't have to say anything, but s/he might have been trying to explain why they had been wary.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Volunteering can be weird. I've tried a number of volunteer things but only followed up on a few. Sometimes there is a lack of focus and organization. Sometimes it's clearly a clique and newbies are not welcome. Sometimes the group is overly aggressive about getting you to volunteer more time. Sometimes I've felt completely unacknowledged (not that I volunteer for the kudos, but I do expect to be treated at least politely). And sometimes the vibe is just strange.
I don't remember offhand who it is, but there is a member here whose sig line says "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about." Sounds like perhaps those people you volunteered for could benefit from that thought.
I don't remember offhand who it is, but there is a member here whose sig line says "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about." Sounds like perhaps those people you volunteered for could benefit from that thought.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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So if you did display some behaviors that reminded them of how this other employee acted, I think it only makes sense that they'd be nervous they were experiencing again
They had to call the police and ban her from the building. Nothing I have ever done or said would have got to that point. The manager is really glad I am back but I take your point he was explaining why he was wary to begin with having had the previous lady on board. I expect leading volunteers is nearly as hard as being one lol
Lots of totally normal drinkers are capable of tying one on and behaving in silly or embarrassing ways. People who haven't lived with alcoholism would be likely to write it off as not a big deal. People who HAVE lived with it are likely to be very nervous and put off by it, and perhaps quick to jump to the conclusion this person might be an alcoholic, too.
Oh I totally get this. I see alcoholics everywhere nowadays. They most likely aren't but am wary of anyone who drinks to excess around me and acts silly. I think I see the slippery slope too easily.
They had to call the police and ban her from the building. Nothing I have ever done or said would have got to that point. The manager is really glad I am back but I take your point he was explaining why he was wary to begin with having had the previous lady on board. I expect leading volunteers is nearly as hard as being one lol
Lots of totally normal drinkers are capable of tying one on and behaving in silly or embarrassing ways. People who haven't lived with alcoholism would be likely to write it off as not a big deal. People who HAVE lived with it are likely to be very nervous and put off by it, and perhaps quick to jump to the conclusion this person might be an alcoholic, too.
Oh I totally get this. I see alcoholics everywhere nowadays. They most likely aren't but am wary of anyone who drinks to excess around me and acts silly. I think I see the slippery slope too easily.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I volunteer for an organization whose mission is one in which I believe strongly: protect natural environments and local waterways, and introduce children and families to nature.
They like me, I like them. I would far rather be a trusted volunteer whose eforts are recognized and valued, than almost anything else.
Thegreat thing about volunteering is, if it doesn't give you what you want, you can walk away smartly.
If your organization doesn't value you, Ladybird, and just wants to carp about things, then I would recommend finding another place to give your valuable time.
Peace and hugs.
They like me, I like them. I would far rather be a trusted volunteer whose eforts are recognized and valued, than almost anything else.
Thegreat thing about volunteering is, if it doesn't give you what you want, you can walk away smartly.
If your organization doesn't value you, Ladybird, and just wants to carp about things, then I would recommend finding another place to give your valuable time.
Peace and hugs.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I don't remember offhand who it is, but there is a member here whose sig line says "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about." Sounds like perhaps those people you volunteered for could benefit from that thought
Yes I think they could benefit from that. I read people quickly and can sense if they are feeling off or down. I know not to judge them if they have a bad day. We all have bad days. I love doing this voluntary job tho and get on well with the staff but they can sense I've changed. I've travelled extensively last year and this and it has changed me. Am more confident and less willing to be put on. I have learnt a new language and could move on anytime if I wanted too. I'll see how it goes.
Yes I think they could benefit from that. I read people quickly and can sense if they are feeling off or down. I know not to judge them if they have a bad day. We all have bad days. I love doing this voluntary job tho and get on well with the staff but they can sense I've changed. I've travelled extensively last year and this and it has changed me. Am more confident and less willing to be put on. I have learnt a new language and could move on anytime if I wanted too. I'll see how it goes.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Maudcat 
The great thing about volunteering is, if it doesn't give you what you want, you can walk away smartly.
If your organization doesn't value you, Ladybird, and just wants to carp about things, then I would recommend finding another place to give your valuable time.
If your organization doesn't value you, Ladybird, and just wants to carp about things, then I would recommend finding another place to give your valuable time.
So as Maud says, if this place isn't valuing you, then find someone who will. Just b/c they are not paying you doesn't mean they don't have to respect you; in fact, in my book, it's quite the opposite!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
*I* think you've grown by leaps and bounds since you first came on the board, Lb. And I think the changes are far more noticeable to others than they are to you as you go through incremental changes. When/if the time comes for you to move on to another volunteer opportunity, all your progress will serve you well and get you off on the right foot from the beginning, I suspect.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
*I* think you've grown by leaps and bounds since you first came on the board, Lb. And I think the changes are far more noticeable to others than they are to you as you go through incremental changes. When/if the time comes for you to move on to another volunteer opportunity, all your progress will serve you well and get you off on the right foot from the beginning, I suspect.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Ladybird, I'm glad you had your "moment of clarity" regarding these folks, and I'm glad you're thinking that you deserve more/better than that!
As I said in my previous post, knowledgeable, enthusiastic, reliable volunteers are worth their weight in gold. If these people don't value you appropriately, I have complete confidence you can find someone who will.
As I said in my previous post, knowledgeable, enthusiastic, reliable volunteers are worth their weight in gold. If these people don't value you appropriately, I have complete confidence you can find someone who will.
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