ZenButterfly

I'm trying to decide whether I should feel sad about this or relieved.

A friend stopped talking to me and removed me from her Facebook. I've been going through a lot this past year in terms of problems but I felt she was very rude and abrupt to me on a couple of different occasions. I did apologize for whatever I thought I had done wrong saying I was not trying to be a burden on anyone.

This particular friend does have anger management issues and can't get along with her subordinates at work so her boss sent her to sensitivity training. She also drinks a lot, like a bottle of wine on most days.

I guess I can't blame myself for all of this since I know she tends to be abrupt, rude and hostile but I feel like I've been a burden on people lately with my recovery and emotional issues.

Oh well, I guess I can't do anything about this. I'll try to turn the problem to my higher power (whatever it is). What would you do?

Anna

Zen, I know for sure that a lot of things in my life that had been blurry became crystal clear when I stopped drinking. I think you might feel both sad and relieved. It's always sad to lose a friend, but not all friendships or loves are meant to last forever. Sometimes people pass through our lives to help us learn something and then they are gone. This person sounds like she has a lot of issues of her own, and it's probably for the best that you are stepping away from her.

gr8fulwoman

What a perfect answer, Anna... I don't have one more word to add.
Hugs to you, Zen.

least

I would not worry so much about what anyone else thinks of me. If she no longer wants to be 'friends', well, with friends like that, who needs enemies.

The only time I'd care what someone said about me would be if it were something damaging that would fit the description of slander or libel. Other than that, I don't care what others think of me.

ZenButterfly

I know... I kind of feel the same way, that I'd rather sit at home and read a book than deal with her anymore. Still it's sad when people leave your life. Maybe it's just a sign that I'm growing.

Delilah1

Hi Zen,

I definitely agree with the above. I have blocked a few people from my social media accounts because I don't want to see negativity, or things that might affect me. I have also had some that have blocked me, for reasons I don't know, but I don't worry about it. Social media is a way for me to share about my family and what is going on, and I also use it for business networking. No need to stress about those who may not want to talk to me on there.

kenton

Hi Zen, I lost friends when I was drinking which I can understand. I was always saying something dumb and offending someone.

What's been interesting to me is that I've also lost friends since I got sober. People I thought were really good friends don't seem that keen on the new me. And now I'm sober I know for sure that I haven't been offensive. And I'm also not a judgmental person. I would never judge anyone for their drinking. How could I??

It's been quite hurtful when I see posts on social media, photos of nights out that I am now completely excluded from. A friend that I've had for ages is no longer talking to me and I have absolutely no idea why. She won't answer my calls so I got no choice but to let it go.

I view getting sober as a monumental, life changing event for me and I feel that the ground is shifting around me as I settle into this new normal. Maybe some old friendships have to go so that I can focus on making new ones?

I think it was Socrates who said, "Change isn't about fighting the old. It's about building the new." That's what I'm trying to do

ZenButterfly

Hey thanks, it's nice to know that someone else has "been there". Yeah I view this somewhat as growing pains. This old friend revolves her entire social life around happy hours, wine bars, etc. so maybe it is for the best that she ditched me. I need to focus on finding friends that are into healthy things. Still I can't deny it is painful just feeling like I did something wrong and I'm not sure what.

I think early sobriety is a very emotional time. This definitely did not help as I already feel alone, isolated and depressed. Hopefully we both find new connections!

SimplyFree

I got off FB, too much drama nonstop which totally stressed me out. FB is its own addiction and it did me no favors. I don't chase or beg people to be my friend. I a try to be a likable person, and I reach out to other too, but if they don't respond or have an ongoing crappy attitude, I move on. Life is too short!

And yes sobriety cost me old friends....their best friend wasn't me, it was/is alcohol. Not gonna happen any more.

ZenButterfly

Thanks for your kind words