Hello everybody!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Hello everybody!
I haven't posted in a while. The holiday weekend ahead of me made me think of you all...I know loooong weekends can be anxiety and stress inducing when dealing with the A's in our life. The partying and traveling and excuses to act like an idiot...Memorial Day feels like a bookend for the summer ahead. AH is not actively drinking so I currently don't worry about that aspect but I can't help but feel this yucky anticipation.
I have been silently participating in the forum. AH is on his best behavior yet still. No drinking but the abusiveness still peaks through at times and I have been doing my best to call it for what it is and be strong against him. Naturally this causes some tension... I have been seeing my therapist/counselor weekly and yesterday she helped beef up the parenting plan for when I am ready to hit the "go" button ..slowly but surely I will get there. He has continued to carry on with acting like being a decent husband/father will cure it all.
Having issues with control, guilt, prioritizing , empathy, understanding , emotional support...the same issues there all along before his "sobriety" so I know what needs to be done.
I had a medical emergency/accident while on a little getaway for myself and the reaction from him was very self centered and superficial , lacking true emotional support- so there's my answer. My answer has always been there- I am just more , or trying to be , aware these days.
Examples of some issues: We are financially tight right now- instead of working a bit more, he is working less...going fishing and visiting friends after getting off work normal hours or even early. He was formerly a workaholic and claims that is was all consuming to try and work overtime and doesn't want to spiral out of control. While I understand mindfulness about these issues- he is the only one able to make more income by working more (I'm salaried) and can do so easily if he put in just 20% more effort (such as finishing the day of work not leaving early) He prioritizes his leisure time as self care, while shirking responsibilities as a coparent. There's also been disagreements about choices I make to my body and being independent with decision making , related to my recent mommy get away. As well as changes to my body on my fitness journey. Power and control struggle. I stand my ground but pay for it with stonewalling . I feel aware and not as easily confused to what is going on. It feels good.
So this update kind of is turning into a ramble. I just wanted to say hi, wish you all strength heading into this weekend, and to update a current status as it's been a while. Thank you all for being here!
I have been silently participating in the forum. AH is on his best behavior yet still. No drinking but the abusiveness still peaks through at times and I have been doing my best to call it for what it is and be strong against him. Naturally this causes some tension... I have been seeing my therapist/counselor weekly and yesterday she helped beef up the parenting plan for when I am ready to hit the "go" button ..slowly but surely I will get there. He has continued to carry on with acting like being a decent husband/father will cure it all.
Having issues with control, guilt, prioritizing , empathy, understanding , emotional support...the same issues there all along before his "sobriety" so I know what needs to be done.
I had a medical emergency/accident while on a little getaway for myself and the reaction from him was very self centered and superficial , lacking true emotional support- so there's my answer. My answer has always been there- I am just more , or trying to be , aware these days.
Examples of some issues: We are financially tight right now- instead of working a bit more, he is working less...going fishing and visiting friends after getting off work normal hours or even early. He was formerly a workaholic and claims that is was all consuming to try and work overtime and doesn't want to spiral out of control. While I understand mindfulness about these issues- he is the only one able to make more income by working more (I'm salaried) and can do so easily if he put in just 20% more effort (such as finishing the day of work not leaving early) He prioritizes his leisure time as self care, while shirking responsibilities as a coparent. There's also been disagreements about choices I make to my body and being independent with decision making , related to my recent mommy get away. As well as changes to my body on my fitness journey. Power and control struggle. I stand my ground but pay for it with stonewalling . I feel aware and not as easily confused to what is going on. It feels good.
So this update kind of is turning into a ramble. I just wanted to say hi, wish you all strength heading into this weekend, and to update a current status as it's been a while. Thank you all for being here!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I feel aware and not as easily confused to what is going on. It feels good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Thank you for dropping by. This is exactly what I'm going through during these final weeks. Sober STBXH trying to be the decent husband and father without really changing. It makes you think/know that their behavior won't last or is this really the best they have to offer. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Good for you. Clarity comes when it comes. Keep working on being healthy and living your own life, without being defined by AH's wants and needs.
You know what he is and what you can expect. Huge.
You know what he is and what you can expect. Huge.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by hearthealth 
Sober STBXH trying to be the decent husband and father without really changing.
And even if he's not drinking I wouldn't call him sober.
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