keepongoing1369

Hi everybody--

So my boyfriend has been in rehab for 30 days. Half way through he stopped contacting me. Things were really rough before he entered, and I have been taking this time to work on me…

I just got a text from him that he is out of rehab today apparently. But I'm still not sure how I feel. I am not totally over the way I feel I was treated, but I am also not sure I want to end it. What do I say? I don't want to do any damage, or contribute to a relapse the day he leaves...

firebolt

Just put this out of your head right now if you can.

You do not cause, effect, or control his drinking. THat's all him.

What would help you? Some time and space? Are you doing anything for yourself, or to help you figure out what you need and want? What things are you doing to work on you? - counseling or Alanon meetings?

You don't have to do anything this second. If you need a minute, or a month - you take it.

hearthealth

Thirty days is not that long of time. It's okay not to rush back into the relationship. It's also play to take some more time apart to work on you and him to work on himself. More will be revealed in time.

SparkleKitty

Part of addiction recovery is learning to deal with life on life's terms. Trying to protect him from the consequences of past choices and behavior is not your responsibility and while it might feel like the 'right thing to do', it is actually just enabling him to engage in more avoidance of his issues.

Now is the time to prioritize you and your needs.

AnvilheadII

his sobriety is not YOUR responsibility. maybe now, today, isn't the time or place for lengthy discussions. after all, he sent you a TEXT. not exactly a 13 page letter. you don't have to DO anything right now. except continue to take care of you.

keepongoing1369

Thanks guys. I think I just need to keep focusing on myself... not easiest to do... keep doing therapy and living my best life I suppose

firebolt

YES! Keep doing what you are doing. THings will become clear and there is no urgency to act . HUGS to you - I'm sure you've been through the ringer before you ended up here.

keepongoing1369

Thanks everybody... he ended up calling today. Giving it some time put me in a much, much better head space. He sounded really happy and healthy, which is good. It was so nice to hear his voice again. But it also felt very good to be honest with him -- to tell him that as much as I love him and want to support him, I have a lot of hurt and confusion that I am working through, too.

We set some emotional boundaries for the time being and we're going to take it slow, ease into whatever our new relationship looks like. I think its a big journey that we have ahead, and there's no rush to figure it all out now...

Thank you so much for your support. You all have been so wonderful to me.