Back again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 125
Back again
I find myself back here again after thinking that I could drink moderately after an eight month period of not drinking at all. #fool
I'm back at AA and finding the same thoughts coming to mind that made me drop the program in the past. I feel like a fraud. I believe half of what is said. I know that I cannot commit fully any more this time than the last five times I started this journey.
Has anyone had experience with naltrexone? I'm reading that used in combination with a 12 step program and therapy that it's helping people curb their drinking. Any thoughts?
I'm back at AA and finding the same thoughts coming to mind that made me drop the program in the past. I feel like a fraud. I believe half of what is said. I know that I cannot commit fully any more this time than the last five times I started this journey.
Has anyone had experience with naltrexone? I'm reading that used in combination with a 12 step program and therapy that it's helping people curb their drinking. Any thoughts?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Welcome back 
I have no experience with AA or naltrexone but a lot of experience with thinking I could drink again.
I confused abstinence for control many times...my liofe was good because alcohol no longer played a part in my life, not because I'd somehow learned control over my drinking.
Without that bottom line acceptance that we have to change, and we can never drink alcohol again if we want a better life, I think anything we try is going to be a bit wobbly.
D
I have no experience with AA or naltrexone but a lot of experience with thinking I could drink again.
I confused abstinence for control many times...my liofe was good because alcohol no longer played a part in my life, not because I'd somehow learned control over my drinking.
Without that bottom line acceptance that we have to change, and we can never drink alcohol again if we want a better life, I think anything we try is going to be a bit wobbly.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Welcome back! Sorry to learn about your relapse, BTDT!
I have been taking Naltrexone and I'm also in therapy. Haven't relapsed yet...staying vigilant because it's usually around the 3 month mark that I begin thinking that I can "handle it" again. Not gonna happen THIS time!
I have been taking Naltrexone and I'm also in therapy. Haven't relapsed yet...staying vigilant because it's usually around the 3 month mark that I begin thinking that I can "handle it" again. Not gonna happen THIS time!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hi,
I had a similar situation a little less than two years ago. I was 8 months sober and doing great, I had no thoughts or urges to drink again! It was a deep trigger that got me, not the everyday stuff like seeing friends drink, or stress and anxiety, job disappointments ect.. It was a deep wound from my past that resurfaced. I had spent the entire 8 months learning to deal with life as I know it today, without looking at why I began this destructive cycle in the first place.
Now, I am not only dealing with everyday life, I am also working on those deep wounds that I don't care to open. I am seeing that trigger for what it really is, a wound that needs nurturing and healing. I will no longer numb the wound with booze. I avoid being in any social situation that will open up this wound, It can't sneak up on me anymore, as I have finally shinned a light on my "why".
I have felt exactly like you described, unable to fully commit, a fraud, half of what I'm saying will never come to pass ect... But you did do it, you stayed sober for a reason, most likely because you were sick, of being sick. Find that inner desire again to be healthy, stronger, and wiser.
I had a similar situation a little less than two years ago. I was 8 months sober and doing great, I had no thoughts or urges to drink again! It was a deep trigger that got me, not the everyday stuff like seeing friends drink, or stress and anxiety, job disappointments ect.. It was a deep wound from my past that resurfaced. I had spent the entire 8 months learning to deal with life as I know it today, without looking at why I began this destructive cycle in the first place.
Now, I am not only dealing with everyday life, I am also working on those deep wounds that I don't care to open. I am seeing that trigger for what it really is, a wound that needs nurturing and healing. I will no longer numb the wound with booze. I avoid being in any social situation that will open up this wound, It can't sneak up on me anymore, as I have finally shinned a light on my "why".
I have felt exactly like you described, unable to fully commit, a fraud, half of what I'm saying will never come to pass ect... But you did do it, you stayed sober for a reason, most likely because you were sick, of being sick. Find that inner desire again to be healthy, stronger, and wiser.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Two things I've learned from my many, many attempts:
1. Ride the cravings. Distract myself with anything. Today I went and bought myself a big meal instead of alcohol when I had a craving. Sometimes I watch YouTube videos. I'm into programming, so sometimes I just work on one of my projects.
2. Know my triggers. Negative self-reflection, boredom, and completing small goals are big triggers for me. The last one is "Hey, you did a thing! You deserve a drink!"
I can only do one day at a time.
1. Ride the cravings. Distract myself with anything. Today I went and bought myself a big meal instead of alcohol when I had a craving. Sometimes I watch YouTube videos. I'm into programming, so sometimes I just work on one of my projects.
2. Know my triggers. Negative self-reflection, boredom, and completing small goals are big triggers for me. The last one is "Hey, you did a thing! You deserve a drink!"
I can only do one day at a time.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I don't have any experience of AA or naltrexone but I just wanted to thank you for posting. It's really powerful to read the words of someone who was sober for 8 months and then tried to moderate. Your words are the biggest weapon I have against my AV which repeatedly tells me that after 7 months sober, I've proved my point and have somehow magically turned into a normal drinker. It was your words that I used today to tell my AV to shut up. So thank you and good luck with your journey. You had a bump in the road but you're doing awesome and are helping others along the way. That's amazing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
I know that I cannot commit fully any more this time than the last five times I started this journey.
That's your dilemma, not your cravings although some need help with medications for easing of cravings, No, until you fully commit and really want this, then I think you are wasting your time. I could be wrong but I seriously think this is your main problem.
That's your dilemma, not your cravings although some need help with medications for easing of cravings, No, until you fully commit and really want this, then I think you are wasting your time. I could be wrong but I seriously think this is your main problem.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Good to see you, Serenitynow. I did that a few times before finally admitting I couldn't touch a drop. The brief control I had always went out the window - and in the end I was drinking all day. Sometimes we need to be reminded. Sounds like you're ready to do it this time. We're with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by kenton 
I don't have any experience of AA or naltrexone but I just wanted to thank you for posting. It's really powerful to read the words of someone who was sober for 8 months and then tried to moderate. Your words are the biggest weapon I have against my AV which repeatedly tells me that after 7 months sober, I've proved my point and have somehow magically turned into a normal drinker. It was your words that I used today to tell my AV to shut up. So thank you and good luck with your journey. You had a bump in the road but you're doing awesome and are helping others along the way. That's amazing
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