Hesitating on the Threshold
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Hesitating on the Threshold
The following reading came to me in an email today from a site called "heartsteps" that I subscribe to. I'm posting it here for all who are hesitating at the threshold, whether that is the threshold of posting for the first time, going to an Alanon meeting for the first time, admitting to yourself that there is a problem for the first time--whether it's the threshold of breaking up/filing for divorce, the threshold of calling a domestic violence center, the threshold of NOT picking up the pieces for the A for the first time.
Here it is:
Learning to Trust
Your ego’s tendency is to keep things as they are, no matter how bad they may be. God says: “let go of the past and make room for something that honours you more deeply.” You are afraid to do that because there is no guarantee that the new will be any better than the old. You’d rather hold onto the old and invite the new in at the same time. That is the inevitable Catch-22. The new cannot come in until the old is released. When you are attached to the past, you cannot move forward toward the future. And your experience of the present is one of deadlock.
Letting go of the past is never easy. Yet it is the only act that brings the presence of God (substitute grace, if you need to) into your life. When you let go of what used to be and accept what is, the universe instantly moves to support you. The deeper your let-go is, the more resources rush to your side.
It is the nature of the ego to become attached to the past. It is the nature of the ego to project the past forward into the future, to meet the new with the conceptual nets that would tame it and make it conform to yesterday’s experience. There is nothing new in this. It is simply the movement of fear which resists anything new.
It is important to see how that fear operates in your life. It is important to realize how you have become attached to your previous experience and resist anything new that wants to come into your life.
When you hold onto your experience or use it to interpret the present experience, you “take control” of your life, and push God (grace) away. When you surrender your ideas about the way things should be, let go of the past, and open to the future, you invite God back into your life.
-- Paul Ferrini
The site can be found here for anyone who'd like to subscribe or just to read more: heartsteps.org
Here it is:
Learning to Trust
Your ego’s tendency is to keep things as they are, no matter how bad they may be. God says: “let go of the past and make room for something that honours you more deeply.” You are afraid to do that because there is no guarantee that the new will be any better than the old. You’d rather hold onto the old and invite the new in at the same time. That is the inevitable Catch-22. The new cannot come in until the old is released. When you are attached to the past, you cannot move forward toward the future. And your experience of the present is one of deadlock.
Letting go of the past is never easy. Yet it is the only act that brings the presence of God (substitute grace, if you need to) into your life. When you let go of what used to be and accept what is, the universe instantly moves to support you. The deeper your let-go is, the more resources rush to your side.
It is the nature of the ego to become attached to the past. It is the nature of the ego to project the past forward into the future, to meet the new with the conceptual nets that would tame it and make it conform to yesterday’s experience. There is nothing new in this. It is simply the movement of fear which resists anything new.
It is important to see how that fear operates in your life. It is important to realize how you have become attached to your previous experience and resist anything new that wants to come into your life.
When you hold onto your experience or use it to interpret the present experience, you “take control” of your life, and push God (grace) away. When you surrender your ideas about the way things should be, let go of the past, and open to the future, you invite God back into your life.
-- Paul Ferrini
The site can be found here for anyone who'd like to subscribe or just to read more: heartsteps.org
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Join Date: Sep 2016
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thank you so much for posting! I struggle with this immensely. I know I am always at the threshold just too terrified to step out - not so much that I worry it won't be better on the other side, but more due to the fear of crossing that threshold and its impact. My avoidance and fear of pain and inflicting pain onto others. Letting go of the old and familiar, no matter how bad it is - that is true for so many.
I may just have to subscribe to this now....love it
I may just have to subscribe to this now....love it
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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I am amazed too, dandy. I sometimes think to myself "I've made progress--I've made a LOT of progress! Isn't that enough? Haven't I come far enough? Dang it, when can I STOP with this letting go and changing and so on!?!"
It makes me remember a time many years ago when some friends and I were practicing rappelling (we were into caving and wanted to learn the skill). We were on the roof of the 2-story apartment building where one of the friends lived, and we had our rope tied off securely, our carabiners and figure-8 descender all properly set up and attached to the seat harness. A couple of people took their turn, hooking up and then slowly, carefully going over the edge. The moment when the person on the rope had to finally fully commit their weight to the rope and harness was a little tough for each person, and a little heart-in-the-throat for us spectators, too.
Finally it came my turn. I got into the harness, hooked everything up, double checked it, and started backing towards the edge of the roof. I got to the edge, started to put one foot over, and stopped. Over the course of several loooooong minutes, I could not make myself actually go over the edge, actually commit to the system I'd seen others use successfully only moments before. My friends tried to encourage me, tried to help me get into the right mindset, all for naught. I finally hung my head, ashamed, and crept back from the edge of the building on shaking legs.
I was the only one who couldn't get over the edge. I couldn't commit, even though I KNEW it had worked for others.
Thirty-five years later, I don't want to be the girl standing at the edge of the roof anymore, afraid to trust the rope and the harness. At some point, I've got to go over the edge...
This picture is appropriate, as it's the largest city near where I live. That is the Milwaukee City Hall building w/the tower in the background.
It makes me remember a time many years ago when some friends and I were practicing rappelling (we were into caving and wanted to learn the skill). We were on the roof of the 2-story apartment building where one of the friends lived, and we had our rope tied off securely, our carabiners and figure-8 descender all properly set up and attached to the seat harness. A couple of people took their turn, hooking up and then slowly, carefully going over the edge. The moment when the person on the rope had to finally fully commit their weight to the rope and harness was a little tough for each person, and a little heart-in-the-throat for us spectators, too.
Finally it came my turn. I got into the harness, hooked everything up, double checked it, and started backing towards the edge of the roof. I got to the edge, started to put one foot over, and stopped. Over the course of several loooooong minutes, I could not make myself actually go over the edge, actually commit to the system I'd seen others use successfully only moments before. My friends tried to encourage me, tried to help me get into the right mindset, all for naught. I finally hung my head, ashamed, and crept back from the edge of the building on shaking legs.
I was the only one who couldn't get over the edge. I couldn't commit, even though I KNEW it had worked for others.
Thirty-five years later, I don't want to be the girl standing at the edge of the roof anymore, afraid to trust the rope and the harness. At some point, I've got to go over the edge...
This picture is appropriate, as it's the largest city near where I live. That is the Milwaukee City Hall building w/the tower in the background.
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Well, to lighten things up a tad, Maud, one of the more "well endowed" gals leaned too far forward about halfway down the wall and got her shirt caught in the figure-8. She stayed calm, figured out how to get out of her shirt, was then able to pull the shirt free from the descender, and continued down the wall in her shorts and bra to thunderous applause from onlookers on the ground.
Talk about grace under pressure! That woman is a hero of mine to this day!
Talk about grace under pressure! That woman is a hero of mine to this day!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
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What a great story!
Talk about keeping your cool.
Have you seen the Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon is on a climbing wall with Krippke, realizes how high up he is, and faints, dangling in the air?
That would be me.
On the other hand, I am fearless about spiders, snakes, and mice.
Talk about keeping your cool.
Have you seen the Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon is on a climbing wall with Krippke, realizes how high up he is, and faints, dangling in the air?
That would be me.
On the other hand, I am fearless about spiders, snakes, and mice.
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LOL...even though I admire the fearlessness or courage...whichever word one uses....of those who do those daring feats, like bungee jumping and riding the giant Hawaiian waves...I am in the same category as Maud and Sheldon.....
My conclusion on that subject is the following: For those who enjoy those things....great for them, and, more power to them....I wish them the best. We actually need people with those particular skills and proclivities....
For those of us who creep closer to terra firma, and have a lower physiologic bar for the adrenalin rush...I believe that life presents us, in the course of life, things that test our bravery and willingness just as much....and, in ways that we really need (not just elective things that we enjoy)....like, when we might need to leave a relationship or place that we care deeply about...or face caring for a loved one with dementia...or face going back to school in later years...or to face criticism with our head held high......
Maud...this is for you---I can remember reading about studies done on young babies...that were at the crawling stage...that demonstrated that there is an inherent fear of heights, even at that stage..why? Perhaps, because we don't have the same feet as the mountain goat and tails for balance, like cats, or the same wiring of our nervous system....
I can also think of some people that I have personally known, who engage in those activities that curdle my own blood....that I would not trust to walk across the street. with, in a close personal relationship......I wouldn't trust their judgement in daily , human living, as far as I could throw them....
(dandylion has, now, dismounted the soapbox (a very short, safe, soapbox)
My conclusion on that subject is the following: For those who enjoy those things....great for them, and, more power to them....I wish them the best. We actually need people with those particular skills and proclivities....
For those of us who creep closer to terra firma, and have a lower physiologic bar for the adrenalin rush...I believe that life presents us, in the course of life, things that test our bravery and willingness just as much....and, in ways that we really need (not just elective things that we enjoy)....like, when we might need to leave a relationship or place that we care deeply about...or face caring for a loved one with dementia...or face going back to school in later years...or to face criticism with our head held high......
Maud...this is for you---I can remember reading about studies done on young babies...that were at the crawling stage...that demonstrated that there is an inherent fear of heights, even at that stage..why? Perhaps, because we don't have the same feet as the mountain goat and tails for balance, like cats, or the same wiring of our nervous system....
I can also think of some people that I have personally known, who engage in those activities that curdle my own blood....that I would not trust to walk across the street. with, in a close personal relationship......I wouldn't trust their judgement in daily , human living, as far as I could throw them....
(dandylion has, now, dismounted the soapbox (a very short, safe, soapbox)
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I am all for short, safe soapboxes.
I have an early memory of walking across a bridge with my mother.
It wasn't all that high, but it was one of those old grated ones where you could look down into the water below.
I remember being scared to death, but unwilling to say anything.
When I lived and worked in PA, I had to drive across a bridge every day.
I cannot tell you how often I breathed a silent sigh of relief when I got across.
Once, driving solo from Mass. to PA, I got stuck in traffic on the GW bridge for about an hour.
Omigosh, the panic.
I actually called my bro, which is a traffic violation in New York (didn't have hands free then) so he could talk to me while I waited.
So, I guess the upshot is that this fear doesn't rule me completely, but I get mighty uncomfortable at times.
I have an early memory of walking across a bridge with my mother.
It wasn't all that high, but it was one of those old grated ones where you could look down into the water below.
I remember being scared to death, but unwilling to say anything.
When I lived and worked in PA, I had to drive across a bridge every day.
I cannot tell you how often I breathed a silent sigh of relief when I got across.
Once, driving solo from Mass. to PA, I got stuck in traffic on the GW bridge for about an hour.
Omigosh, the panic.
I actually called my bro, which is a traffic violation in New York (didn't have hands free then) so he could talk to me while I waited.
So, I guess the upshot is that this fear doesn't rule me completely, but I get mighty uncomfortable at times.
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