Jerk While Drunk = Jerk At Core?
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Jerk While Drunk = Jerk At Core?
If a person is an absolute ******* while drunk, is the person necessarily an absolute ******* at their core?
Alcoholics with remorse and shame would tell you no.
Normal drinkers would probably give you a spectrum of answers, likely tending toward yes.
It hurts to think of myself as an absolute ******* at my core.
Alcoholics with remorse and shame would tell you no.
Normal drinkers would probably give you a spectrum of answers, likely tending toward yes.
It hurts to think of myself as an absolute ******* at my core.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I'm gonna go with No 
I have ten years in recovery that say I'm not a jerk, even tho I did undeniably do jerky things as a drunk.
Intoxication = full of poison.
Look, I get it, twtom - you feel lower than a snakes belly for drinking gain...but you need to stop beating yourself up.
A certain amount of introspection and honesty is good - punishing yourself and grinding yourself mercilessly into the dust only makes it easier to drink again.
If there were no redeeming features in everyone who drank, this forum would be empty.
Let that old you go, so the new you - the real you - has a clear run at the future
D
I have ten years in recovery that say I'm not a jerk, even tho I did undeniably do jerky things as a drunk.
Intoxication = full of poison.
Look, I get it, twtom - you feel lower than a snakes belly for drinking gain...but you need to stop beating yourself up.
A certain amount of introspection and honesty is good - punishing yourself and grinding yourself mercilessly into the dust only makes it easier to drink again.
If there were no redeeming features in everyone who drank, this forum would be empty.
Let that old you go, so the new you - the real you - has a clear run at the future
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
I agree 100% with Dee. I have almost 17 months sober and I definitely was a good person before the 17 months, however, at times my drinking caused me to act in a way I wouldn't have sober.
You can do this, and you aren't a jerk.❤
You can do this, and you aren't a jerk.❤
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
As you predicted, this alcoholic with shame and remorse will say no.
If I was a jerk at my core, would I feel shame and remorse? Would I want to work so hard to get better? Would I want others to get better?
Of course I acted like a jerk when I was drinking but that's because alcohol is a mind-altering drug that removes inhibitions, nothing to do with my core.
I used to beat myself up a lot until I recognised that beating myself up is a massive trigger. If I believe I am a jerk at my core and torture myself with memories of all the dumb things I did and said when I was drunk, I might start thinking, "What's the point of recovery anyway? I'm fundamentally a jerk. Might as well keep drinking."
I think actions speak louder than words. Rather than apologising over and over again for past behaviours, I prefer to show the people I love how sorry I am by ensuring I stay sober every day. That's the ultimate way of proving to myself that I may be flawed but I'm not a jerk at core.
If I was a jerk at my core, would I feel shame and remorse? Would I want to work so hard to get better? Would I want others to get better?
Of course I acted like a jerk when I was drinking but that's because alcohol is a mind-altering drug that removes inhibitions, nothing to do with my core.
I used to beat myself up a lot until I recognised that beating myself up is a massive trigger. If I believe I am a jerk at my core and torture myself with memories of all the dumb things I did and said when I was drunk, I might start thinking, "What's the point of recovery anyway? I'm fundamentally a jerk. Might as well keep drinking."
I think actions speak louder than words. Rather than apologising over and over again for past behaviours, I prefer to show the people I love how sorry I am by ensuring I stay sober every day. That's the ultimate way of proving to myself that I may be flawed but I'm not a jerk at core.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'd agree with Dee- 99%. Some people are indeed jerks. BUT - that's not my place to decide and as I am in AA and do subscribe to the BB theory that "we are all children of [God] and each have a right to be here."
So, I'm ok and you're ok, basically. Focusing on the feelings of worthlessness and self-pity (also BB para) doesn't help me- it definitely hurts- and instead focusing on NOT being that jerk that I myself definitely was at times when drinking is what I need to do now.
So, I'm ok and you're ok, basically. Focusing on the feelings of worthlessness and self-pity (also BB para) doesn't help me- it definitely hurts- and instead focusing on NOT being that jerk that I myself definitely was at times when drinking is what I need to do now.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Drunk people are not themselves.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
Drunk people are not themselves.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
I think drunk folks are themselves. At least I will take the responsibility for being a jerk in my drinking days. But I think there's more than on kind of jerk.
For me and I think for most "jerks" (drunk or sober) I have run into over the years the reason we behave in a jerky manner is to cover up the fears, anxieties, and sorrows. I label them the insecure jerks.These folks can change/improve over time. At least I hope they can or I'm screwed.
However, the smaller group of jerks is the narcissists. They really don't care about anyone else at all. I have known a few over the years. At least in my limited experience they are incurable and I avoid them.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I remember making a thread on here the day before I quit saying that alcohol was making me a bad person. I was feeling really low. And it was true, alcohol was making me into a person that I didn't like and I couldn't face myself. It was warping my mind and my personality but once I removed it from my life I realized that I'm not a bad person but I was doing a bad thing by poisoning myself and disrespecting my mind and body. Now with some sober time I like myself again and I've regained my self esteem and self respect and it spills over to those I hold near and dear. Give yourself the gift of sobriety and embrace it.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 975
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Drunk people are not themselves.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
They are their wounds, their fears, their anxieties, their sorrows, their defenses, their complex, interwoven, backed-in-a-corner anger selves projected out in a fit of reptilian-brain tantrum.
No.
The drunk human is not the core self. It is the core self's antithesis and enemy.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
The shame I would feel after a bender was due to having just behaved in a way that is contrary to my core values.
Being drunk never made me the worst person in the world, and being sober doesn't make me the best person in the world. But sober I can be the best ME I can be - and that's the goal.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Being drunk never made me the worst person in the world, and being sober doesn't make me the best person in the world. But sober I can be the best ME I can be - and that's the goal.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
That's more of a philosophy question imo, and what is a good person anyway, etc. You could go on and on just trying to define the terms involved without settling anything. Deep questions like that are above my pay grade, a lot like politics and religion.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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My mother (recovered alcoholic for over 20 yrs) once told me that recovering alcoholics are the best people you could ever know. They're caring, sensitive, funny, huge hearts, deep thinkers, genuine... They've been through hell and back, why should they be anything else?
I am NOT the same person when sober as I am when I am drinking...PERIOD!
I am NOT the same person when sober as I am when I am drinking...PERIOD!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 975
Originally Posted by CreativeThinker
My mother (recovered alcoholic for over 20 yrs) once told me that recovering alcoholics are the best people you could ever know. They're caring, sensitive, funny, huge hearts, deep thinkers, genuine... They've been through hell and back, why should they be anything else?
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by CreativeThinker
My mother (recovered alcoholic for over 20 yrs) once told me that recovering alcoholics are the best people you could ever know. They're caring, sensitive, funny, huge hearts, deep thinkers, genuine... They've been through hell and back, why should they be anything else?
I am NOT the same person when sober as I am when I am drinking...PERIOD!
I am NOT the same person when sober as I am when I am drinking...PERIOD!
. My last relapse was after she died.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by kenton
I think actions speak louder than words. Rather than apologising over and over again for past behaviours, I prefer to show the people I love how sorry I am by ensuring I stay sober every day. That's the ultimate way of proving to myself that I may be flawed but I'm not a jerk at core.
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