While he's in rehab?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
While he's in rehab?
Hi everyone,
My boyfriend of about a year is in rehab for alcoholism. He was calling every few days but it's now been about a week. I'm focusing on myself but I feel very sad, and confused. Is it normal for people to disappear like this while they're in recovery? Is this a sign that he's moving on? I'm just looking for a little support, I'm feeling very lonely these days...
My boyfriend of about a year is in rehab for alcoholism. He was calling every few days but it's now been about a week. I'm focusing on myself but I feel very sad, and confused. Is it normal for people to disappear like this while they're in recovery? Is this a sign that he's moving on? I'm just looking for a little support, I'm feeling very lonely these days...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he didn't disappear - you know exactly where he is. what you might not quite grasp is what he is going thru right now.....rehab is very intense, he's no longer allowed to use substances that he has become dependent upon and his body and his brain are going nutso. he's attending meetings and getting lots of NEW information to process, probably assigned to do some digging into his past and his feelings to root out some of the reasons WHY he drank. and none of that is easy. plus he probably struggles to find matching socks and remember exactly what part of the body they go on.
he can't tend to your needs right now. nor should he. if he is to be successful at recovery he needs to give it all he's got. this is ultimately a life and death struggle. he's in the ocean clinging to the life raft that is nowhere near shore yet.
the BEST thing you can do is keep taking care of yourself. if you miss him, write him a letter. you don't HAVE to send it. often just the process of writing down our thoughts can have a cathartic effect.
he can't tend to your needs right now. nor should he. if he is to be successful at recovery he needs to give it all he's got. this is ultimately a life and death struggle. he's in the ocean clinging to the life raft that is nowhere near shore yet.
the BEST thing you can do is keep taking care of yourself. if you miss him, write him a letter. you don't HAVE to send it. often just the process of writing down our thoughts can have a cathartic effect.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome!
Yes, very common, and as it should be. His focus should be on recovery, not on his relationship with you right now. There are never any guarantees that a relationship will survive alcoholism OR recovery, but you can't draw any conclusions AT ALL from radio silence during rehab.
Are you going to Al-Anon? That can be a very important part of YOUR self-care.
Yes, very common, and as it should be. His focus should be on recovery, not on his relationship with you right now. There are never any guarantees that a relationship will survive alcoholism OR recovery, but you can't draw any conclusions AT ALL from radio silence during rehab.
Are you going to Al-Anon? That can be a very important part of YOUR self-care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Thank you both for your answers... its a confusing time...
I think I'm going to try a Newcomers meeting for Al-Anon tonight. I went to a CoDA meeting a couple weeks ago but it didn't feel quite like a good fit?
He's stopped saying "I love you" as of late, and a friend of his said he's called her since we last spoke, so I guess I'm just feeling a little lost... but maybe you're right? Maybe this is normal?
I think I'm going to try a Newcomers meeting for Al-Anon tonight. I went to a CoDA meeting a couple weeks ago but it didn't feel quite like a good fit?
He's stopped saying "I love you" as of late, and a friend of his said he's called her since we last spoke, so I guess I'm just feeling a little lost... but maybe you're right? Maybe this is normal?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
as "normal" as it can be when your loved one is in a treatment facility for addiction!!
good for you for trying on different meetings for size. keep an open mind and you'll find exactly what you need!
good for you for trying on different meetings for size. keep an open mind and you'll find exactly what you need!
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