on the other end of the phone...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
on the other end of the phone...
A friend, barely able to speak, in the throes of half-dying, half DT-ing, half trying to force vodka down to keep the DTs away.
Dry heaving violently.
In a hotel.
The cops hauled him away after his roommate and landlord saw the damage he'd done.
No money.
No job.
Walked out on his appointment with community mental health services before they could complete the paperwork - his story is "they don't even care, they did NOTHING".
48 hrs worth of a hotel.... apparently.
And sounds like a bottle of booze.
And literally ALL I can do is sit here and listen, eventually hang up, sick to my stomach.
If I wait until he's probably out of alcohol and is non-responsive - there's a chance calling the cops for a well-being check will get him landed back in the ER.
A petition may be successful.... but the court system moves pretty slow and he could be dead by then.
He's been into the ER twice in the last week and they just released him after pumping him up with Vitamin D, IV fluids and benzos......
The system fails him.
He fails himself.
His life fades........
This is where it ends up, people....... this is serious, serious business.
Please, stay sober.
Dry heaving violently.
In a hotel.
The cops hauled him away after his roommate and landlord saw the damage he'd done.
No money.
No job.
Walked out on his appointment with community mental health services before they could complete the paperwork - his story is "they don't even care, they did NOTHING".
48 hrs worth of a hotel.... apparently.
And sounds like a bottle of booze.
And literally ALL I can do is sit here and listen, eventually hang up, sick to my stomach.
If I wait until he's probably out of alcohol and is non-responsive - there's a chance calling the cops for a well-being check will get him landed back in the ER.
A petition may be successful.... but the court system moves pretty slow and he could be dead by then.
He's been into the ER twice in the last week and they just released him after pumping him up with Vitamin D, IV fluids and benzos......
The system fails him.
He fails himself.
His life fades........
This is where it ends up, people....... this is serious, serious business.
Please, stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Your friend must be one tough son of a bitch. I'd be on my knees begging for help if I got to that stage. In the end, I simply agree with what you said about this being serious, serious business. I mentioned awhile back that my wife and I know of 6 people in the last 18 months that have passed as a result of lifetimes of alcohol abuse. Hang in there man.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
thanks. it's truly heartbreaking and I don't know what to do.
I want to help. But I don't know how to help a guy who won't be helped.
I'll call the cops for a well being check and see if we can get him back into the ER if he goes totally unresponsive.
He's probably gonna steal more alcohol to just maintain and keep the DTs at bay. I don't know how much longer his body can hold out.
I want to help. But I don't know how to help a guy who won't be helped.
I'll call the cops for a well being check and see if we can get him back into the ER if he goes totally unresponsive.
He's probably gonna steal more alcohol to just maintain and keep the DTs at bay. I don't know how much longer his body can hold out.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
thanks. it's truly heartbreaking and I don't know what to do.
I want to help. But I don't know how to help a guy who won't be helped.
I'll call the cops for a well being check and see if we can get him back into the ER if he goes totally unresponsive.
He's probably gonna steal more alcohol to just maintain and keep the DTs at bay. I don't know how much longer his body can hold out.
I want to help. But I don't know how to help a guy who won't be helped.
I'll call the cops for a well being check and see if we can get him back into the ER if he goes totally unresponsive.
He's probably gonna steal more alcohol to just maintain and keep the DTs at bay. I don't know how much longer his body can hold out.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Very sorry for your friend's situation FreeOwl. I've had friends keep at it until they were dead - if he's still alive there is still hope. But he's going to need to find it himself - thanks for being there as much as you can, but you do need to step away and project yourself at some point too.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Take care of yourself, Free Owl.
I am so sorry for this.
YOU haven't failed him though. He may have given up on himself... but that's just for now. He has some hands held out to him still, he just has to be willing to see it.
Really, please do take care of yourself. It hurts to see another one suffer the way we do or once have.
I am thinking of you both
I am so sorry for this.
YOU haven't failed him though. He may have given up on himself... but that's just for now. He has some hands held out to him still, he just has to be willing to see it.
Really, please do take care of yourself. It hurts to see another one suffer the way we do or once have.
I am thinking of you both
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Prayers from me, too. I was definitely headed to that very same spot. Bless you for caring, FreeOwl. I know it takes a lot out of you. Thank you for telling this painful story so others may benefit from it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Thank you for your prayers and concern.
I know there's nothing I can do until and unless he is ready to reach for help.
I feel for him, because he has gone to ERs and detoxes and psych wards for so many years he feels nothing will work. I can see that for him the prospect of detoxing again is a fate equal to death. I can see that his addicted mind only sees the pain and not the possibility. He is homeless and penniless apart from the few hundred dollars of his last check from a temp job has held for a month. I can see how bleak the prospects look. I can see how the hospital only aims to put him back on the street as soon as they can, how the community mental health backlog is so burdensome that their help feels hopelessly far off in the future to him, how he struggles just to get through the next hour as his body shakes and wretches and convulses.....
I can see how even in a rare moment he may WANT help.... he can't see where it would even come from.
Another 12 hours in the ER and some Benzos and back in the shelter?
Best case, tell them he's suicidal and maybe get 5 days on the psych floor?
And what the hell can I even offer him? Take him.... where? Every program requires an evaluation and a wait and a process... this guy needs immediate inpatient, but even if he were to say OK, let's go, I want it..... he'd have to detox somehow and stay sober ling enough to get in.
It's so discouraging. It's weighty and sorrowful. I am OK, I know there's not really anything more I can do, and I'm not will8ng to sacrifice my own wellness for his decision to continue down the hole....
Still, I can't not care and I can't not feel it.
I know there's nothing I can do until and unless he is ready to reach for help.
I feel for him, because he has gone to ERs and detoxes and psych wards for so many years he feels nothing will work. I can see that for him the prospect of detoxing again is a fate equal to death. I can see that his addicted mind only sees the pain and not the possibility. He is homeless and penniless apart from the few hundred dollars of his last check from a temp job has held for a month. I can see how bleak the prospects look. I can see how the hospital only aims to put him back on the street as soon as they can, how the community mental health backlog is so burdensome that their help feels hopelessly far off in the future to him, how he struggles just to get through the next hour as his body shakes and wretches and convulses.....
I can see how even in a rare moment he may WANT help.... he can't see where it would even come from.
Another 12 hours in the ER and some Benzos and back in the shelter?
Best case, tell them he's suicidal and maybe get 5 days on the psych floor?
And what the hell can I even offer him? Take him.... where? Every program requires an evaluation and a wait and a process... this guy needs immediate inpatient, but even if he were to say OK, let's go, I want it..... he'd have to detox somehow and stay sober ling enough to get in.
It's so discouraging. It's weighty and sorrowful. I am OK, I know there's not really anything more I can do, and I'm not will8ng to sacrifice my own wellness for his decision to continue down the hole....
Still, I can't not care and I can't not feel it.
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Made me cry. It's horrendous to think of anyone surviving life like that. Your friend is trapped in his own private hell and has no idea his struggle is helping so many others. Reading posts like this strengthens my determination to never drink again. I hope that God, the universe or whatever higher power happens to be around takes some mercy on him and gives him the strength he needs to take that first step towards recovery. Thanks for posting and please remember to take care of you
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