Solarion

Sorry to ask, but this must be something other people also wonder.

What good is a plan if it can be discarded on a whim?

What good is a plan if you don't follow through?

What or who can enforce the plan and make sure it is followed?

Thanks for any help in this area.

Mattq2

I did all of those things many times.

It's only when i was totally committed to sobriety that I could police myself with the help of a good support system

Forward12

Putting together a plan the a strong course of action for most things in life.
Say your goal is to paint your house. You need to get the tools, find the colors you want, and put the work in to get it done.
Sure you can stop at any time, or never start at all, but it will never get done until each step is followed.

CreativeThinker

Without a commitment to myself, there is no plan! I made my plan, I make the choices and I am responsible for my recovery.

Dee74

The answer to the first two is not much - but that not a failure of plan making per se - to me, it indicates maybe a design fault in the plan or problems with the 'planee'.

I think we're the only ones who can design, implement and tinker with our plan.

The buck stops with us.

Thats not saying we have to do it alone tho...

the more support we find and use, the more input we get from others, and the more pains we take to not drink no matter what, the better the chance our plan has of being effective IMO.

D

BrendaChenowyth

The biggest problem I have is that everything relies on my choices.
I was told a year ago that whatever I did, whatever work I did, it meant nothing if I relapsed.
No one can enforce anything.

emme99

I can relate to this Solarion. I have put together a few plans, some very detailed, and some not. My problem is sticking to it. It doesn't do me any good if I don't follow it. I hope you find one that works for you. Best wishes.

Solarion

Thank you for your replies so far. In my case I think the problem is with the planee -- the fluidity of the "I" and the irregularity of commitment. I think that's something I should focus on and work with.

thomas11

There is an old saying, and I'm paraphrasing: Even the best laid plans are worthless without the commitment to execute them.

Dee74

Even if a plans never stuck before I really believe we can refine it and change it until it does Solarion.

Sometimes it's as simple as making a commitment to reach out for help before you drink?

D

MeSoSober

I'm pretty great at the planning, lousy at the follow through.

A hundred years ago, I wrote for a sales training and motivational magazine. During my time there I acquired this book, Following Through, that explores why people so often fail to achieve their goals despite a genuine desire to change their behavior and improve themselves. And it offers strategies to help you "set yourself up" to succeed and break the cycle of endlessly trying and failing and trying and failing.

I think that a lot of what's in the book could be useful to helping us stick with our plan, whatever it is, to stop drinking.

There are cheap copies of the book (like $4, with free shipping) available on that website that rhymes with "glee stay" where you bid on stuff. :-D

You can read reviews on that other website named for the longest river in South America. Authors are Steve Levinson and Pete Greider.

Silver11

This resonates with me. I make plans when I'm ashamed, when I'm feeling rotten and hungover etc. And it works for 7-15 days. Then the 'planee' (me) starts feeling better, less ashamed etc and drinking doesn't sound so bad anymore. Playing the tape forward doesn't work most of the time.

Sometimes I feel as though I need policing. OK that's strong. But when I am accountable to another there is some measure of success. But if I am imposing rules on myself it never works. Self commitment and discipline does not work at all. Let's face it, if it did I wouldn't be an alcoholic to begin with.

In AA they say you need to hit your rock bottom. I've hit many. But my mind is so good at making me feel that things aren't so bad after a few weeks.

The only thing that has worked to some degree so far for me is a combo of AA and walking (exercise). If I'm not at a meeting/ or not at work, I walk until I am exhausted. Being alone with my thoughts is not a good idea for me. I need to keep moving!

Forward12

This is you speaking, your body is sick of being destroyed by alcohol, and screaming at you to stop.

Then once you are somewhat stable, the AV comes back to unleash hell again.
I would checkout the secular connections forum, I think AVRT would help.

Berrybean

Yes. The irregularity of commitment sounds familiar. Further on in sobriety I still find that this has a big impact on me if I suddenly decide I'm to busy, or forget how important those little things in my plan are to my recovery.

My partner doesn't really hold with 'all this recovery stuff', but he's getting to know when I'm not doing it and will now say "Are you working your recovery plan at the moment?" (Usually earning himself a few blue tinted insults at the time and much love once I've done what I know I need to).

It's even harder to stick to our plans early on. Firstly because it's a new routine to get into, which is always tough. But secondly, because it's still a bit of a leap of faith. We're yet to see the long term benefits of this work. I KNOW FULL WELL the benefits, but I skimped on a few of the things on my plan yesterday, and as a consequence it was a much worse day than it needed to be.

Overall I have found that with my recovery I don't necessarily need to put as many hours into working my plan as I used to lose through my drinking, but getting a plan and taking the action, and spending a little time on it every day really does pay dividends. When we get well-er then other things just seem to go more smoothly, we sleep better, we spend less time on procrastination or in fear or anger. That time is well invested. Finding the willingness to do this is like finding a key.

A wise old man walking through a forest chanced upon a woodcutter. The woodsman had a huge pile of logs on his left and a small basket of logs that he had chopped on his right. He chopped and chopped, puffing, panting and sweating.

The wise man greeted him and said "Your axe is blunt. This is making life hard for you. Just over the river is a man who would help you to sharpen your axe. Come with me and I'll show you."
The wood-cutter rolled his eyes, incredulous.
"Old man." He said. "Does it look to you like I have time to sharpen my axe??"

No one will sharpen our axe for us, and it won't get sharp by itself.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

MrPL

Hi Solarion,

I think there are a couple of important points here:

1) the single most important thing in sobriety is to truly make the decision that you no longer drink regardless of what life throws your way. That on its own is sufficient, but....

2) A plan can really, really help. I tried it many times, but it only worked when I focused on the objective first, and then on the plan. I found it extremely difficult to follow tasks that would only lead to not drinking, because sobriety sounded good , but at the same time it was a vague concept. What does it mean to be sober? For me it doesn't mean anything apart from not drinking, so a plan to achieve just sobriety will not give you anything, it will just remove drinking and what comes with it (good or bad). Everything else will stay exactly the same. This is what made it hard for me, how do you build a plan if the objective is the absence of something and we can never be 100% sure we quit as we could all relapse tomorrow?

What I did different this time round was to make a plan to become the person I want to be in a few years. I covered every area of my life I wanted to change and worked out what the steps are needed to get there. This changed the game completely, becoming your ideal version of yourself is hard work, but very, very rewarding. So, ironically, the plan that is actually working for me doesn't have a single action focused on not drinking, sobriety is coming as a by product!

I hope this makes sense and wish you all the best with your recovery.

P

August252015

To me, these are the two most important parts of your query. The answer is - ME. Sobriety has to be a non-negotiable choice. Permanent. No matter what- as we say in AA, to any lengths and at any costs. It is that serious.

What does "any length or cost" mean? It means skipping any party or celebration - like passing on Christmas with my family this past season when I was 10 mo sober- that puts my emotional or physical sobriety at risk. It would mean missing my precious step-daughter's wedding one day if it would for some reason do the same.

Keeping the plan? The key is acceptance. That sobriety- RECOVERY- is my life choice. And it is beyond worth it, IME.

Further, my higher power (for me, God in the Christian sense) and working to maintain a fit spiritual condition helps me make the right choices when tough ones or dangerous ones arise, or troubles hit. The next right choice makes me stick to the plan.

What kind of a plan do you work or do you have in mind? AA is my lifeline; others have found different programs that fit their sobriety goal. Which is, unanimously, the one and most important goal and a plan of action that supports it - a daily plan- keeps it going.

FreeOwl

A plan is of no use if you don't choose to follow it.

Who can enforce is and make sure it is followed?

Only you.


The foundation of sobriety is and will always remain CHOICE.


YES - you can draw strength and support from others

YES - you can draw strength and inspiration from a higher power

YES - at times, a period of enforced adherence (inpatient, for example) may be critical.....

But the bottom line for us all is that without CHOICE there will be no recovery.

The value of the plan is that it lays out something very clearly that we can CHOOSE.

We have to re-make that CHOICE every day.

The PLAN lays forth the ACTIONS we will CHOOSE to take in support of our CHOICE of sobriety.


If you do not CHOOSE sobriety...... then you are instead CHOOSING to continue your addiction. Plain and simple.

Nonsensical

I went through this cycle many times. Hundreds. Maybe thousands.

I was ashamed because I had just recently acted in a manner contrary to my personal moral code. I hurt people I love; people who love me. I made them worry. I let them down. This is completely against my nature. Only an addiction could have made me behave in such a manner.

You might also want to do some reading about adult ADHD. Impulsive behavior is more prevalent in some of us, but it can be controlled.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

GetSmart

this is me to a tee

saoutchik

I think, like so much else to do with getting sober, having a plan is no panacea. As you say Solarion, what use is it if it can be discarded on a whim.

One thing it did do, which was different from my prior attempts of "white knuckling" was that at least I did have something to do when the cravings struck as opposed to just sitting on the sofa and thinking **** now what?