Missing brother
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 2
Missing brother
Hi all,
I've never posted here before but as I struggled to think of someone who I could call and talk to I realized no one really understands unless they're in it.
My big brother (recently turned 34) has been an alcoholic for over a decade now. He drinks over 1.5 liter of vodka a day, with his health deteriorating in front of my parents and I face. Within the past year he has had over 2 dozen ER detox visits as he is no longer able to binge drink for longer (months) periods with out getting ill. After so many mentally draining attempts at trying to convince him to go to inpatient rehab program he still refuses. He has hit rock bottom, no friends, no job, no home yet he is making every attempt to bypass long term inpatient rehab.
He has been living with my parents for the past 3 months (got evicted from his apartment), going for a couple of days sober but inevitably would relapse , binge drink and go to the ER. Recently my parents and I attempted to gave him an ultimatum go to rehab or find another place to live, to which he abruptly moved out.
This happened nearly 16 days ago and we have not heard back from him (he has no cell phone) since. We have been worried sick since as he is also attempted suicide in the past.
He is a smart, thoughtful and extremely caring but very prideful and stubborn. Which makes this situation even harder. We are a close family but this has been tearing us apart as we have tried everything on earth to help him but to no avail.
Anyway, this was long and rambling but felt good to write. I'm just really worried and feel so helpless it infuriates me and sadness me to core of my being. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
The younger brother who feels decades older
I've never posted here before but as I struggled to think of someone who I could call and talk to I realized no one really understands unless they're in it.
My big brother (recently turned 34) has been an alcoholic for over a decade now. He drinks over 1.5 liter of vodka a day, with his health deteriorating in front of my parents and I face. Within the past year he has had over 2 dozen ER detox visits as he is no longer able to binge drink for longer (months) periods with out getting ill. After so many mentally draining attempts at trying to convince him to go to inpatient rehab program he still refuses. He has hit rock bottom, no friends, no job, no home yet he is making every attempt to bypass long term inpatient rehab.
He has been living with my parents for the past 3 months (got evicted from his apartment), going for a couple of days sober but inevitably would relapse , binge drink and go to the ER. Recently my parents and I attempted to gave him an ultimatum go to rehab or find another place to live, to which he abruptly moved out.
This happened nearly 16 days ago and we have not heard back from him (he has no cell phone) since. We have been worried sick since as he is also attempted suicide in the past.
He is a smart, thoughtful and extremely caring but very prideful and stubborn. Which makes this situation even harder. We are a close family but this has been tearing us apart as we have tried everything on earth to help him but to no avail.
Anyway, this was long and rambling but felt good to write. I'm just really worried and feel so helpless it infuriates me and sadness me to core of my being. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
The younger brother who feels decades older
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Welcome to the site and i'm sorry to hear what brings you.
Alcoholism as you know is a horrible thing that causes devastation to everyone around it.
It sounds like you've tried everything you can to help, but it's fallen on deaf ears (which is unfortunately common) where many alcoholics would rather live under a bridge with their booze, then to seek treatment to quit.
Attending alanon may a good place to start for you and your parents.
Alcoholism as you know is a horrible thing that causes devastation to everyone around it.
It sounds like you've tried everything you can to help, but it's fallen on deaf ears (which is unfortunately common) where many alcoholics would rather live under a bridge with their booze, then to seek treatment to quit.
Attending alanon may a good place to start for you and your parents.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 399
Welcome Chad. I think you will find some good reading and people who can really relate over on the Friends and Family forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. 
The only thing you can do is get support for yourselves. Your brother has to want recovery himself, no one can persuade him into it. I hope he has a change of heart soon. 
The only thing you can do is get support for yourselves. Your brother has to want recovery himself, no one can persuade him into it. I hope he has a change of heart soon. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hugs.
Have you been to al-anon or do you know much about 12 steps, esp acceptance? Or read the book, codependent no more?
I recommend you go. So much wisdom in understanding the disease and how it affects the family. You can't cure your brothers illness, although It sounds like you and your parents have done a lot to try. I commend you for no longer enabling his habit, but it's not an easy choice. Will be praying for a good outcome.
Have you been to al-anon or do you know much about 12 steps, esp acceptance? Or read the book, codependent no more?
I recommend you go. So much wisdom in understanding the disease and how it affects the family. You can't cure your brothers illness, although It sounds like you and your parents have done a lot to try. I commend you for no longer enabling his habit, but it's not an easy choice. Will be praying for a good outcome.
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