Son threatening to post video of me drunk
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Son threatening to post video of me drunk
Around last Christmas my teenage son took a video of me drunk and screaming like a harpie. He has been using it to blackmail me ( with some success). We are now mid-May and he threatens to post it online, on Facebook, send it to my friends and colleagues etc virtually every single day. I can get no peace of mind and never manage more than a few days without alcohol. It is tearing me apart - he refuses to delete it and says he is saving it for when he turns 18 so he can blackmail me into buying him a car. I am at my wits end .
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
focus on getting sober.
tell him to go ahead and post it if that's what he feels he needs to do.
tell him you're done hiding from your problems with alcohol, you're focused on sobriety, you'd appreciate if he'd respect that and support you - but if he feels he needs to be sharing that sort of thing, that's his business and you'll accept it as part of your own consequences.
also - include this in your step 4-7 and your son in your steps 8 & 9.
Free yourself from the torment of both addiction to alcohol and the specter of this video, all in one.
tell him to go ahead and post it if that's what he feels he needs to do.
tell him you're done hiding from your problems with alcohol, you're focused on sobriety, you'd appreciate if he'd respect that and support you - but if he feels he needs to be sharing that sort of thing, that's his business and you'll accept it as part of your own consequences.
also - include this in your step 4-7 and your son in your steps 8 & 9.
Free yourself from the torment of both addiction to alcohol and the specter of this video, all in one.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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I agree that, if it were me, I would call his bluff and tell him to go ahead and post it if he feels that's what he needs to do. There comes a time when we have to face the consequences of our actions while drinking, and, while what he is threatening to do is a horrible thing to do to ones own mother, I would rather get it over with in one fell swoop and then he will be powerless.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
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The next time he tries that, sit him down and give him some version of...
"Yes, I did a rotten thing and I am ashamed and embarrassed by it. But I did it...so I have to face the consequences of it. The consequences of that could affect you as well...if I lose my job, things could get pretty lean around here.
But you do what you want to do, but it's not going to get you anything because
I can't let you believe at your age that this is a strategy that works. And if you ever had a chance at us getting you a car, that's over now, because that's the consequence of trying to threaten and bully people into getting what you want."
If he goes ahead with it, it'll be a thing for a day or two, probably, but people have busy lives.
In the meantime, get sober. It's hard at first, but it's much easier than this.
"Yes, I did a rotten thing and I am ashamed and embarrassed by it. But I did it...so I have to face the consequences of it. The consequences of that could affect you as well...if I lose my job, things could get pretty lean around here.
But you do what you want to do, but it's not going to get you anything because
I can't let you believe at your age that this is a strategy that works. And if you ever had a chance at us getting you a car, that's over now, because that's the consequence of trying to threaten and bully people into getting what you want."
If he goes ahead with it, it'll be a thing for a day or two, probably, but people have busy lives.
In the meantime, get sober. It's hard at first, but it's much easier than this.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
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Tell him if he posts it you'll reciprocate by posting the one of him when you hid a spy camera in the bathroom (or his bedroom).
Just kidding but..................
some family counseling sounds like a good idea.
Just kidding but..................
some family counseling sounds like a good idea.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Lots of good advice here, and i agree that your sobriety is much more important than your son's antics.
Regarding the video itself, If he's not an adult and lives in your house ( and uses your internet ) I'd simply take away his access to the internet and/or his devices. Tell him you need his passwords and that you need him to show you where the video is stored so it can be deleted. It's called setting boundaries...and I agree with Anna that counseling might help you both in setting them.
But yeah, you need to focus on yourself and staying sober first and foremost.
Regarding the video itself, If he's not an adult and lives in your house ( and uses your internet ) I'd simply take away his access to the internet and/or his devices. Tell him you need his passwords and that you need him to show you where the video is stored so it can be deleted. It's called setting boundaries...and I agree with Anna that counseling might help you both in setting them.
But yeah, you need to focus on yourself and staying sober first and foremost.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i hear a kid crying out for a sober mom. remember HE witnessed your drunken rant. probably not the only one either. he's trying with the only tools he has to REACH you. and yet even with this hanging over your head, you STILL can't manage more than a few days sober.
what is it going to take?
what is it going to take?
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