New, Hello.

Old 05-15-2017, 11:41 PM
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New, Hello.

It's 2:19am and my 15 year old son is away again for the night. I know he is high on Xanax as I pillaged his Facebook account. We are on month 5 of things going crazy but pills are a new to us addition. And I am up and although I'm not religious I have been praying for the past few hours to wake up and see a text from him in the morning.

He has been running wild for months and our support group for troubled teens is big on letting them learn from experience. Drug addiction has been my fear for a while and I feel like we are there although he would say I'm overreacting and everything is fine. We have been working on creating a home that is safe and respectful, it has helped our interactions a great deal... But as I see is common, no amount of love or words is changing this course. Not even his friends are seemingly impacting him. But it's hard to be in his head so who knows.

As I type I pillaged his Facebook account I see that as slightly nuts but being new to this journey and reading the stickies I guess these are the early crazy days. He won't go to any counseling or get any help, although he knows it's available whenever he is wanting it.

I guess I just wanted to say hello and am praying for courage as this continues to unfold. As we are early days, if anyone has things we could look at to assist him or us, I am open to read it.

Thank you.
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Old 05-16-2017, 03:32 AM
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Welcome, TT, to SR! I am sorry you needed to find us, but this is a great place for support. I hope you will come back again to read, and learn, and know that you are not alone.

My adult stepson is the reason that I found this place. He is an alcoholic and has used crack. We were informed late last year that he has added heroin to the mix now.

I can't imagine that heartbreak when dealing with a 15 year old! There are others who have had minor children who are/were addicted and hopefully they will be along soon to share. Most addicts quit only when *they* decide that they have had enough.

I wish I had some brilliant words of wisdom to share. I am sending you many hugs and prayers for you and your son!
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Old 05-16-2017, 05:30 AM
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Totally Tuckered.....at one time, when my niece was "running wild"....even worse that it sounds for your son....my sister and her husband sent her to a residential treatment/school that was far away from home.....
Drastic situations sometimes call for drastic measures. Was my niece happy to go there,,,,no....However, her time there, turned her around a great deal....
she is an adult now, and she is a great young woman....she has a career, now and lives independently and has a happy life....

If I can give any advice at all...I would say that you still have a window of time until he is of age (18).....act sooner, rather than later...get him all the help that you can...and, make sure that you and his father are in therapy too (very important!)....You still have a window of time, and time passes quickly. Act now. Make sure that he is evaluated for underlying issues...like depression, ADHD (especially, this one), etc.
It is tough, I know.....
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Old 05-16-2017, 06:30 AM
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How did they get her there? I can't imagine him wanting to go and he likes to run away when things are hard. I would do that in a heartbeat if I knew how to make it happen.

Any advice?

*he does of ADHD as well
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Old 05-16-2017, 06:55 AM
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At 15 he doesn't get the choice to "want to" go. What do you do when he runs away? Do you contact the police? Have you talked with any counselors at his school? Have you researched facilities that offer you help in getting him into one?

Tough love is real love. Why? Because its never easy and and it hurts the giver far more then the receiver!!!
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Old 05-16-2017, 07:00 AM
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I have been to numerous Addiction Therapists who say I can't force him to change, or to speak to anyone, or to receive help....

We are so new to this horrible journey.

How does one physically force an almost 16 year old into some kind of help when they don't feel they need it?
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Old 05-16-2017, 07:22 AM
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No, we can't force anyone to change but what we can do for a 15 year old is interrupt them from putting deadly chemicals into their body. Police, juvenile detention, the courts.
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Old 05-16-2017, 07:23 AM
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Totally Tuckered.....Well, for my niece, both parents transported her, by train, to Utah. the facility/school was in the mountain....far away from the city, with rocky, rugged terrain....the kids couldn't run away...lol...they had to monitor her really closely, on the way there...she wasn't happy.
She was about 15yrs. and, had run away several times...once,across country and they had to hire a detective to find her!

***there are services that you can hire to transport them for you. They are specially trained for this and know how to do it kindly and firmly. Since the child is not of age you can give permission for them to be dragged there, if it is necessary...Trust me, a teen ager will not behave to a couple of large men...who look like bouncers, and have the authority of enforcement, they way they respond to parents.
Now, it may be true that the teen will put o n a show of their most rebellious behavior when it is time for them to go...they will scream , kick, fight, say how much they hate you, plead for you not to do it, etc.....But, after they are in the vehicle, and on the way...away from you...they settle down for the transporters....
since he is almost 16yrs....please think of acting quickly...as that window is going to narrow. The younger, the better that they will adjust.
It is so important to get them away from the people and places that they are running in.....and to get them properly evaluated by knowledgable professionals (while at the facility)......

do you want to know who to call...or, how to begin?
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Old 05-16-2017, 08:00 AM
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TT......so very sorry for what you are going through.
Not sure where you live but, there is a group called Teen Challenge. I believe they have these centers all over the country.

They are not just a teen recovery program. But, I do know they will transport them to the facility. They are a faith based program and have a very good program. It's not just a recovery program as it also teaches the addict a new way of life.

I have a name and phone # if you would like it. The # I have is in PA. but, I am sure they can direct you to the phone number you would need.
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Old 05-16-2017, 08:04 AM
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TotallyTuckered,
No advice, only empathy. I've been on this journey with my son and it hurts a Momma's heart like nothing else. Have you and your husband attended Al-Anon or NarAnon? They won't tell you what to do with your son but will help you with your emotions. You will be surrounded by people that have been right there in your position. The support I receive there has been invaluable!
Hugs,
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Old 05-16-2017, 08:20 AM
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We are in Ontario, Canada. I see my own therapist today and he deals with addictions as a major fork of his treatment for people I will see what options we have in sending him to treatment.

What is the experience of people who have forced their teen into treatment? It is my understanding that it needs to be wanted by the individual to be effective?

Thank you for all the input and patience in answering my questions with your thoughts. I will be checking out my local Nar-Anon this week.

Has anyone used the C.R.A.F.T. method with any success?
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Old 05-16-2017, 08:20 AM
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Hi, I understand what you are going through. My daughter started with drugs about 16 years of age. We got her court ordered to a residential program upstate. I don't know where you live, but in NY, we were able to get a PINS Petition (Person in Need of Supervision) through Family court. It was somewhat successful, but if someone is hell bent on destruction, that is what you will get. She is now 24 years old and a heroin addict. Don't want to scare you, but that is my reality. If I were you I would do what the other lady suggested and try the wilderness camp. They are very expensive though and I didn't have that option. She is right about the paid escorts. They will definitely get him there and they are almost impossible to run away from. Try to get him court ordered to stay there. If he leaves, he will be locked up. Do whatever is in your power now as once they turn 18, its impossible. Prayers for you, I know how hard this is. Elissa
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Old 05-16-2017, 09:41 AM
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Welcome to the Forum TT! I am another Momma dealing with heroin addiction with my oldest son (now 27). I found out about this drug issue when he was 20, but truly I was very lax when he was a teen, finding pot in his room and also evidence of him using cough syrup (dexie?). I thought he was experimenting and he hid the depth of his issues during high school. It wasn't until heroin entered the picture, did our world turn upside down. That is when the devil is truly in charge. If I had known now what I know then, I would have done something during the time I had parental control over him. He is sober now, but it is a lifelong disease, and he has relapsed many times and many opportunities he had when he was younger were missed due to the addiction. Do NOT believe that your son has this under control. Addiction is a beast and if he is also ADHD, he may be self medicating. The worst years for a teenage boy is puberty to 22 or 23 (Oye vay!). Definitely ask your counselor for guidance. DON'T wait for it to get better, usually it doesn't without some intervention or guidance.
Hugs to you!

PS: If your son is not home at 2:00 AM, what are you doing about that? That is clearly not okay with you and I would agree not okay at all with a 15 year old being able to be out and about.
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Old 05-16-2017, 09:59 AM
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I agree with what I have read others suggesting. You have a window of control here. I wish I knew then what I know now and had taken my son's pot use more seriously. I was not aware the extent of it nor the extent of damage it could cause.
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Old 05-16-2017, 10:00 AM
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I realize many here are wondering why he is 'allowed' to be out. I cannot physically restrain another human being to be in my home. That is not within my control. He 'knows' we want him to be home and have expressed our desire for him to do so. He chooses to be at friends. I can rage and threaten and provoke and where does that get us. No where. So we keep the relationship and communication in tact as best we can right now. That is the focus and it has allowed us to know what is happening in his life.

I am all over the place asking for assistance today. I'll update
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Old 05-16-2017, 10:15 AM
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He has been running wild for months and our support group for troubled teens is big on letting them learn from experience.
Unfortunately that experience can be overdose and death.

A parent does have control over a child of 15 and if you can't control him then a court/judge/police must.

It would appear the only communication is him doing what he wants when he wants. What are/has been his consequences when he disrespects you as a parent? When he doesn't follow house rules? And where is he getting the money to buy his drugs?
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Old 05-16-2017, 11:26 AM
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My child is oppositional/defiant, which goes along with his ADHD. 'Regular' consequences are not effective. We have been down that road and it's not done anything but him shutting the door on us. I understand your position and respectfully tell you that we have seen all matter of professionals in terms of how we deal with him and everything we've done has been under the care of people who understand our child.

He has a court date upcoming and I have been in contact with the school officer as he is a really great human. I send him updates on my son and he now as this most recent increase in his drug use and will make sure the Crown has the information.

We are very active in the background, but at this point I need the courts to mandate treatment and counseling. I have been giving the information they need to ensure that he hopefully gets what he needs.

The bottom line is that, he is still trying to do school and he is still telling us where he is and is trying to do things right. If I strong arm him that will stop everything. I am attempting to reinforce what he is doing that is working while in the background getting as many supports in place to help him find his way.

I am so vitally aware of my child's risk of OD. Short of locking him in the house I am not in control of that.

And now that I am done defending myself and choices I'll just lurk as it feels safer.

Thank you for what support I received today.
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Old 05-16-2017, 11:49 AM
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Oh to answer your question of how is he supporting his habit, I believe he is dealing.

We don't provide him any cash.
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Old 05-16-2017, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by TotallyTuckered View Post
And now that I am done defending myself and choices I'll just lurk as it feels safer.

Thank you for what support I received today.
Please keep posting! There's a wealth of information here and many people that have been where you are. It sounds like you are doing all you can. I commend you for reaching out to so many people and places for help. It would be easy to try to pretend it's not happening but you are not doing that.
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Old 05-16-2017, 12:23 PM
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Totally Tuckered...I am sorry that you are feeling attacked...
I assure you that we are all just trying to help...we are NOT trying to judge....
We are trying to help, as we have all been there......
That is why we take our time to post and reach out to you.....
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