khyzer35

All I want is love... Im a male in my late 20s..ive come to realize that all I want most in this life is to be in love with a girl im attracted to physically, mentally and emotionally. A lot of my so called problems with anxiety and fear and treating that with alcohol revolves around the facts i feel like ill never find that love.. But also alcohol keeps me from finding that love..its a short term relief to not being in love but hinders me from finding it... I just feel like i have so much to offer and to be there and support my soul mate but I cant find her...like serious all ego aside im an amazing person..im funny, charming, good looking, wise and benevolent as can be...but i feel like im cursed and incapable of finding the girl that im attaracted to in all ways that id want to spend the rest of my life with...a girl who deserves such an amazing person as myself..yes i have my flaws we all do...but so many of my flaws like drinking to much stems from being so upset that i cant seem to find this love.. ..and if i did it would stop me from drinking...idk...

Berrybean

Thing is, with love its by giving that we receive, and while we're active in our addiction we're not emotionally available or capable of selfless love. Recovery needs to come first. And it can come first. There are no rescuers in this recovery malarkey. We need to get sober, get sane and learn to love ourselves and be capable of giving before we're ready for relationships. Before that the emotional highs and lows of a new relationship is actually quite a massive threat to our sobriety and we're likely to hurt people.

Ariesagain

What BB said...and also, any woman who would be attracted to you while you're actively drinking is not someone with whom you are likely to have a healthy, positive, long-term relationship. It's usually just two drowning people looking for the same life jacket.

Get sober. Find out who you really are, yes?

sobersolstice

I'm pushing 40, and act like I'm 23. I've been dating other alcoholics, but that's unfruitful and dissatisfying.

I've done months without the sauce and met some folks that just don't drink much if at all, but failure in those relationships have driven me to drink again.

It's likely I'd need a year or more of sobriety before I'm mentally ready for potential heartbreak. The primary reason for most of my breakups is alcohol... Even friends; they come back when I'm sober, but that may because I'm a reclusive drunk. My best of best friends stick by my side though, so that's nice.

Dee74

It is a leap of faith - but you have to trust that giving up the booze will allow you to work on yourself and ultimately help you gain all the things you want..

I always say I'm glad I wasn't with anyone in the last ten years I was drinking because I'd have been inflicting myself upon them.

I'm also glad I was alone because it gave me the opportunity to learn to be ok in my own company.

A lot of my drinking and a lot of my romantic attachments were about me being terrified of being alone and wanting someone else to 'complete' me or 'fix' me.

I found out instead I'm complete already - and I think that applies to everyone

Without the added burden of me wanting to be fixed, my romantic life has been a lot better the last ten years - chalk and cheese.

I know: I didn't like to be told to wait either - but it really works this way.

Have patience - work on yourself first - ensure your recovery is strong and permanent - work out who sober you is...then you can start to build the life and look for the relationship you want.