makeover

About an hour ago I'm sat in the sunshine with someone drinking. ..They say "woooo! party!" sarcastically mid-conversation... This is basically in my eyes telling me the conversation is boring.

I'm home now and feel so crap.

I'm still not going to touch any booze however.

Never nice to know my personality is only worth knowing when its drunk. Hence why I've drank in the past.

I've always struggled in social stimuli, my sober self is quite flat due to a multitude of mental health & hormonal issues particularly at the moment.

Its so discouraging and upsetting.

Sorry needed to write to people that will understand.

Hope everyone is OK.

Ariesagain

Who was this miserable rude person you were apparently assigned the life responsibility to amuse and entertain?

Because this says much more about that person than it does about you, sweets.

Stay far away. If the only way for you to be okay to them is to pour poison down your throat, you don't need them in your life.

Sending you a hug.

BrendaChenowyth

It's not your job to entertain other people!

I get it. I'm the quiet one that sits and listens and finally when people get bored of each other they turn to me, literally stare at me, and try to get me to do something. It makes me feel like an animal in a zoo.

rainyengland

And the person who said this to you is the one who needs a drink to enjoy themselves? Hmm!

FreeOwl

Looking back on the things I thought were awesome and ' whooooooot parrtyyyy" as a drinker, I just shake my head.

I've never been bored in sobriety, and even the least entertaining moments sober are far more meaningful and valuable than any drunken 'party".

makeover

Thank you. It was immediate family, I've been getting it quite alot. I'm quite sensitive and they know it but I don't think they realize they are doing it (I hope).

They've become quite dependent on alcohol and have been saying things like "I don't get hungover on this wine", "I didn't have that much to drink last night", "Lifes too short, i'm going to drink tonight, I don't care" pretty much constant in my presence.

I don't even bring alcohol up in conversation I chose to not talk about it and I'm trying to avoid talking about especially with person in question. But they can't help it. Its like they are justifying there-selves because I'm not drinking but I couldn't give two f***s whether they drink or not, I don't want to drink and was on the brink of suicide on my last occasions of drinking alcohol - so its a big no-no.

Driving me crazy.

aasharon90

I remember when I drank, I wanted to be
the life of the party, yet I hope in my addiction
I wasn't rude to others. If so, I need to add that
to my quiet amends and ask for forgiveness.

Stay strong, continue to strengthen your
own recovery foundation and remember
that but for the Grace of God or your HP -
Higher Power, there goes I. Meaning that
use to be me and to not take another's
inventory because I'm by far not in any
position to take theirs.

Strive to be healthy and happy in mind, body and
soul.

Hitch

There's few things more boring than being drunk or being around drunk, you can't hold a good conversation or do anything fun or interesting.

What this person is saying is "I would like you to be drunk with me", because that's what drunk people always want.

My old drinking buddies probably think I'm boring now, my partner and real friends all think I'm a lot more fun sober.

FreeOwl

exactly

SoberInStAlbans

You worth far more than this person is willing to give you. You do not exist for their entertainment. I am a quiet introverted person. I know that I don't work well with other introverts. It just turns into awkward silence. That may be the case for you, the real you. "Party" me is a different animal as well. Also, keep in mind you are rebooting you central nervous system. You may be more flat than you will be next month and the month after. It is going to take some time to unearth your real self that has been hiding for so long.

The problem is them, not you. Much love.

Carlito61

Sorry that you have to deal with unsupportive family members. Drinking alcohol, however, is not a free ticket to be rude (IMO).

Maybe look them in the eye and say "go f*ck yourself" and casually walk away?

Bunny211

O have way more fun in sobriety than I did at the end of my drinking. But it took a WHILE for me to get to this place. For a while I thought I'd never have fun again. I'd also add that the only people who have ever made rude comments about my being a non-drinker are people who are problem drinkers themselves. Normal folks shrug and say "Oh, ok, can I get you a seltzer or soda" and welcome you into the party, dinner, meeting etc without any fanfare.

bexxed

At this point if someone said that to me, I'd say "the feeling is mutual" or "backatcha" or something like that, and leave. (Then I would feel bad for perpetuating negativity).

No but seriously, that's not a real relationship. It's hard, how many relationships we have to examine during this process. I promise it's more than worth the effort of mind and heart.

And, really, to be honest, it's something I would have said, maybe, to someone when I was drinking. I could get mean, and resentful of what I viewed as anything threatening my delusions around drinking. This person probably has a problem, but that's not your problem.

Don't touch the poison! Drunken conversations are so predictable and boring. What you do when you hang out with people who are drinking is hold a mirror up to them.

In Gratitude

B

Dee74

Every year I drank the quality of my social circle slipped a little lower.

By the end my friends were all heavy drinkers. Me getting sober frightened them to death I think.

I got a lot of passive aggressive (and some not so passive) crap.

I decided to get new friends. Never looked back

I do more now that I ever did when drinking, Drinking me was the boring one, not sober me.

Don't let one jackass opinion rent space in your head makeover

D

makeover

Thank you again for your responses, with giving up comes more changes I need to make I guess, like who I spend time with.

August252015

Me, too!!! Totally.

And, I find that I want to be around people who are pleasant, good and funny and all that- sober or with their normie drinking habits- nothing we do is centered around the alcohol (or, sheesh, only done together so we could drink!!).

You don't mention how long you are sober- I think most of us find that all this being around others, who we spend time with and what we do, changes as we go along.

Hang in there. I also learned that sometimes, my own company is the best!

Berrybean

Yep. Time to find some other friends who are sober. Maybe even some who are removing alcoholics like yourself who understand you and your journey, who can support you, and you them (because there is nothing that strengthens our own sobriety as much as supporting someone else in recovery).

As I posted in response to someone else earlier today... I remember thinking "How can I be the fun, outgoing, chatty party girl that I am without a drink?" Later I realised that this was flawed thinking. I was NOT a fun, outgoing, chatty party girl. I just felt like that's what I should be. Who I wanted to be. Thing is, wearing that facade had taken me to some lonely and downright dangerous places. And over the years I'd forgotten who I actually WAS.

Sobriety has been, for a large part, about rediscovering who I am. What I like. Letting others get used to the quieter, more sensitive and serious person that I am. Some friends have weathered the changes, and were keen to meet up and do something other than booze. I have reconnected with some old pre-drinking friends (the ones who weren't too keen on the big drunk show-off loudmouth flirty Berry and had disappeared when alcohol featured more and more in my life), and my relationship with my mother and brother is more positive now than ever in adult life. I've made some amazing friends who are also alcoholics in recovery, and these are the people who understand me best. (If i am at a loss in some situation I close my eyes and imagine being in my favourite meeting with my AA clan and just that can give me strength). Some friends turned out to just be friends with drunk Berry, and as much as I no longer have anything to offer them, I have also found that they have nothing I want or need either. No big fallings out. Just a gradual fizzle out of friendship in those cases. Most importantly, nowadays I like myself. I can care for and nurture myself, and don't wake up with shame and self-loathing. I don't need to be constantly doing stuff or with others to avoid being alone with Berry. That's a good feeling!

In social situations nowadays I am happy to just be me. The quiet me. The sensitive me. The slightly serious me. And I know that I don't owe anyone anything more than that. I don't owe them entertaining, or outrageous, or witty, or sexy, or comedic. And for the most part, they don't actually want or expect it. It was just my own fear and ego telling me that they did.

Maybe give yourself time to find out who you are. Stick with the friends and family who are happy to go for a hike, or a meal, or do some sport or visit a wildlife sanctuary or do some voluntary work together or whatever. Maybe make some new sober freinds by getting to some meetings and linking up with people who can understand you, or by joining clubs or interest groups locally. There are lots of options. I have also because much more committed to the church, and get a lot from the friendships that have developed as a consequence of this.

Put the drinkers behind you - they can sit there forever waiting to be entertained, it's not your business or responsibility to entertain them. Be proud to walk to the beat of your own drum, and to be the better version of yourself.

Midwest1981

sorry that happened to you. I think it is fair to say the problem isn't with you it is with them! lol.