sweetichick

I thought I had surrendered to never drinking again.Atm my best friend is feeding me everyday due to no money. I've had to give up smoking again. And yet I am still dreaming of a can of vodka in 3 days time when I get paid. I know that will only lead to a bottle of vodka and a hangover and set me off again. My best friend know all about my bad health and each day I am getting more energy and starting to feel half normal. Why am I even contemplating it? I know it is part of the insanity of alcoholism. I'm terrified I will stuff up the friendship and my health again. Maybe it's just the stress of not smoking but they are so expensive I could end up homeless if I don't quit. I also don't want to drink myself to death.

FreeOwl

The best defense against falling into that trap is choosing not to.

Don't waste your energy being scared of it, plan for it not to happen.

Book yourself to do something that day and night. Have a friend lock up your bank card. Make non-drinking plans and commitments. CHOOSE aloud and repeatedly from now until then.... On payday, I CHOOSE sobriety.

Don't be afraid. That's only inviting it in. You're in charge.

PhoenixJ

Keep posting. Support to you

sweetichick

Good idea. I'll start planning now.

joandmelandhan

Yes please make a plan as soon as possible. You sound like you have a true friend so perhaps talk to him/her about it and agree preventative measures. If this friend is standing by you now and feeding you due to your money situation then you owe it to the friend and most importantly to yourself not to throw away all of your hard work as soon as you've got money. You've identified a big risky time and posted here which is great so now it's time to dig a little deeper, make a plan and not drink no matter what! I know it's hard believe me but now is the time to form new habits and a strong plan around pay day is a must. Keep posting and stay close......❤❤❤

Dee74

Hows AA going sweetichick?

D

CoffeeInstead

You can do this....have a plan for payday!! Maybe go see a movie or treat yourself to something you have been wanting! Think of the $$ you are saving by not drinking or smoking!

WTG on not smoking! I quit cigs 3 days after booze. Tomorrow is 7 weeks!!! I actually think the cravings for nicotine are a little worse than alcohol. Even yesterday after work, I had 10 minutes before taking my daugther to softball and was programmed to think that was a perfect amount of time for a smoke.

sweetichick

I haven't been to a meeting this week due to no petrol either. I can get to my sponsors home group the night before payday so that's a good plan. Still struggling with the higher power thing and don't feel ready for the steps yet. Just been distracting myself.

Dee74

I hope you decide to go forward with the Steps - what have you got to lose, really?

D

sweetichick

Wow that's encouraging Coffee. I gave up for 2 weeks then went back to it for 10 days. I have learnt from it though. I agree the smoking cravings are a bit harder. I didn't drink all day like the smokes.

sweetichick

Just get really anxious over it Dee, maybe I need to tell my sponsor to take it slowly.

Nowsthetime

Hello:

Don't even contemplate what you AV says. Keep starving it and it will lose its strength.

Keep posting and work your plan. Hang here with us on payday if needed. Play the tape, use all the tools you have learned here.

We are with you!!!!

Nonsensical

The worst thing that will happen if you don't drink is that you'll think about drinking.

It feels like something worse might happen, but it isn't true. That's just the addiction doing it's thing, trying to make you behave irrationally. The best day to flip the script on that rascal is today.

You can do this.

sweetichick

Thanks Nonsensical I will post all day if I have to. Fear has lessened replaced by determination.

FreeOwl

a few times a day between now and then, and all day on that day, look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say:

"I choose sobriety today and sobriety on payday. I choose my LIFE today and on payday. The best payday is a sober payday. I choose sobriety".

trust me, it'll feel cheesy, but it will help. The more the better.

doggonecarl

The cycle of alcoholic misery can end now! The power to not drink is within you.

Berrybean

You set the pace, not your sponsor.

Some fear around starting the steps is pretty normal, but like most fears, the anxiety surrounding it is completely unfounded. It was another bit of ammunition for my AV anyway, and I held back for a good 6 months. Thankfully they acted as a salve to my inner turmoil pretty quickly once I'd started. Just think about step one for now. Usually, once we've done step 1 we're ready to contemplate step 2.. Once we've completed steps 2 and 3 were ready to contemplate step 4, and so on. They're in order for a very good reason. And that's why cherry-picking the program is often counter-productive.

Why not make plans with your sponsor to meet up and talk about step 1 together on pay day. Its certainly one way to keep yourself out of mischief!

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

tomsteve

struggling with an HP is putting the cart before the horse, sweetichick. the steps are in order for a reason and start with step 1.
but if youre not ready, then theyll be there when you are.

FreeOwl

Struggling with a higher power?

Go watch the sunrise.

With all your power, try to get the sun NOT to rise.

Assuming it rises, you will have direct, daily evidence that there is at least SOME power greater than you.

Then all you have to do is accept that in SOME way, that power MIGHT be of help to you in staying sober.

Done.

You don't have to call it 'God', you don't have to accept anyone else's definition of a higher power. You can simply know, through your own experience, there is SOME power out there, and be willing to accept it as something that can help.

And trust me.... watching the sunrise does help.

Weatherman77

Just wanted to offer quick kudos for sharing your concerns with the group before drinking!! That's a great sign that you'll be successful in your recovery. You can do this!