emme99

I don't know what else to say. I can give you every excuse there is, but bottom line they are just excuses. I keep joining classes proclaiming day one, and meaning it, but I'm just not strong enough to keep it going. I know I should leave here, but that thought scares me. For almost two years, even though I am still drinking, this site has given me hope, and I am afraid to leave. I want to stop, I really do, I just don't think I can.

Dee74

The solutions not leaving here emme...the solution is working out what else you're prepared to do to stay sober, and doing it

Even a little thing like committing to posting here daily, and posting before you drink, can really make a difference

There's all kinds of support in the real world too.

It's not easy, but it's necessary.

D

Delilah1

Hi Emme,

I'm so glad you are still here and posting. It is obvious you want to stop, it sounds like you need a little help though. Have you looked into rehab? I know it sounds scary, but if you are struggling it is a great way to get started in recovery.

There are so many supports available, what have you tried so far?

PhoenixJ

Look at your avatar. You have not given in- other wise you would not be posting. Success is not measured by failures- it is measured by those who keep trying. So keep trying- reboot and do it again- regroup- what can you do differently? Local support? Meetings, routine?? 2 years in nothing. You are not alone. Keep on getting up, you are brave for posting. No judgement here. You are not alone. Have a shower, rest-eat-hydrate, get to a meeting. You will feel al little better for it. Keep posting. Empathy and support to you. Thanks, PJ.

joandmelandhan

Emme please don't give up on yourself. Yes you're frightened (we all were) yes you think it's too huge to fight (we all did). You are still here and please don't go away. It just starts with a commitment and one day.....just one day then another then another. Maybe you need help to kick start that first day......please think about going to a doc or a meeting etc......but definitely don't stop coming back here nobody wants that for you. You will be in my thoughts today hun...... Jo ❤❤❤

D122y

Emme,

I believe that wanting to quit is half the battle.

Then I took it 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second at a time.

There was suffering. I would curl up in a ball and sob sometimes.

Eat when you crave. Sweets trick the brain.

Thanks.

Nonsensical

I don't believe that, and neither do you.

The part of your brain that is addicted to alcohol wants you to leave here. The part of your brain that wants to get better knows you should continue participating here. (That's the real you, by the way.)

I'm glad the real you won that round.

Change is possible, therefore Hope is reasonable.

You can do this.

tomsteve

you shouldnt leave,emme. thats what alcoholism wants you to do. dont listen to it. its a liar.
soooo,onto solutions.
do you want to stop drinking for good?
are you willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol?
willing to do anything necessary?

what happened witht he womens AA meeting attendance?

AnvilheadII

ditto Nonsensical and TomSteve.

emme99

Thank you everyone, I appreciate everyone's responses and suggestions.

Dee, I do need to work on posting before I drink. I have typed up countless messages when I was thinking about drinking but I usually delete them. I will work on this.

Delilah, I would consider rehab, but it's not an option right now due to not very good health insurance and no medical leave at my company.

tomsteve, I do want to stop drinking for good. I attended the women's AA meeting a few times and then tried a SMART meeting and started going every Monday. I need to start meetings again.

Thank you again everyone for the support.

SoberLeigh

Please don't leave, emme.

Have you ever formulated a plan for recovery?

I'll post links to a couple of great threads (brought to us by our one and only Dee) in a moment.

SoberLeigh

As promised:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=Psst

SoberLeigh

The other:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...=recovery+plan

PippoRossi

Emme - I love it that you are still here. That does show the willingness to change. I think by leaving that would show you are not ready. Lucky for you, you ARE ready but you just haven't quite figured out how to quit yet. Don't worry - I believe in you. I know you can do it. Read the information in the links that SoberLeigh posted re: a recovery plan. I'll be honest, I haven't developed my plan, yet, but I have read the links and the information is so valuable.

GLAD YOU ARE HERE, EMME!!!

Dee74

How are you Emme?

D

comtnman740

Keep coming back emme99! I know for me it took many many attempts to get a number days strung together initially. Just know that it does get easier. As you get more and more time in the program you get more tools in your toolbox to combat the insideous disease of alcoholism. Our higher power wants us to be happy and free. Don't drink just today. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. ; )

emme99

Thanks SoberLeigh, PippoRossi, Dee & comtnman740

I have looked at Dee's plan threads before but it can't hurt to look at them again. I am going to focus this weekend on putting something together that I can follow. I am pretty good at making a plan, it's the following the plan that I struggle with. I have to do something different though, that is clear. Thanks again everyone

PhoenixJ

Support to you, E- keep posting.

4givn

Dear Emme,
Your words could be mine as well. Clearly we have to have strength outside of ourselves to overcome this disease. We cannot give up our hope for healing.
I received some help after opening up to 2 people that I can trust. I still struggle with binge drinking and use alcohol to help me do house chores( which is weird) My excuse /or justification is that I accomplish some things while being drunk. I plan for sobriety but it only takes me a moment to decide to drink again and act upon my decision.
I know I am not in a position to provide advice because I obviously am not being successful with sobriety. But I do want to thank you for your post because it made me feel less alone in my struggle.

saoutchik

High emme, i'm sorry you're struggling.

Have you tried AA? If not then although there are no guarantees of course but maybe it could be thing that you have not tried that helps you to reach "escape velocity"

I did not use it myself so I am not evangelising for them, just suggesting it might be worth a try.