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Dealing with work stresses while sober..

Old 05-10-2017, 08:52 AM
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Dealing with work stresses while sober..

So - I don't have a very stressful job. In fact - I'm writing this post while at work. Every once in a while though, something will happen and I'll find myself fuming inside and my immediate thought is, "I can't wait for a glass of wine tonight."

How do you deal with work stresses as they come and not reach for that bottle? I haven't done so yet, but I've been tested a couple of times. Most of my stresses comes from people unnecessarily CC'ing someone in an e-mail as an eff you to me. Other's involve my division moving to a different building and my department which literally houses just myself will be moved away from my team to sit with the conglomerate of dealer support representatives from the CEO's other five companies. It's pretty stressful. I've been with these people for 2 years - by the time the move happens it'll be 3 years. I just don't see how it will work since we all work so closely together. I shouldn't get myself worked up.. this is happening next year.

So - I guess I should say how do you deal with life's changes as they come without feeling the need to medicate with booze or whatever you poison might be?

In any case.. Day 17 for myself. Been having some wicked morning headaches lately. I don't know if that's from my body wanting alcohol?

Have a nice day, everyone.
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Old 05-10-2017, 08:58 AM
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My longest sober period was six months and around six weeks it started to become routine to cope with a stressful day by running to the gym or the craft store or binge watching a comedy on netflix. But it just comes from consistently making the choice not to drink. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to, just resolve not to give in to it.. you have to condition your brain not to expect that every time you're stressed out you're not going to reward it with alcohol.. eventually it starts to expect a different reward. I don't know if that helps.

I'm sure people will tell me I have no idea what I'm talking about because I did relapse, but that is what I did when things were going well for me.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:04 AM
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Yeah I think Brenda has it right. Just keep saying to yourself, "I don't drink," when those thoughts come. In time the thoughts die down and you'll be proud of yourself for getting past it.

The work stuff - people CC usually to cover their own backsides. I wouldn't take it personally. I found out not much is really about me.

With that said, I wish email had never been invented. Truly one of the mine fields of the workplace.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Nikkabean326 View Post
I haven't done so yet, but I've been tested a couple of times.
What did you do those times you were tested, but didn't drink?
Do those things again.

A mistake I used to make, and one that I think is common based on reading thousands of posts here at SR, was believing that once I was committed to being sober I would never think about drinking again.

It surely didn't work that way for me. Still doesn't. Mrs. Nons is going out of town next week and I'll have the house to myself. No one would know....so guess who is showing up in my head with a hundred and one bad ideas? (Yeah....that guy.)

I just bop him on the head and move on. I no longer have time for his foolishness.

You got this!
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:13 AM
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Great question NB...

I run into this every day and my tolerance is so much lower for work related issues after drinking for years to cope. Relearning that piece has been difficult.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
Mrs. Nons is going out of town next week and I'll have the house to myself. No one would know....so guess who is showing up in my head with a hundred and one bad ideas? (Yeah....that guy.)
This hit the nail on the head for me! My BF will be out of the house Thursday night. Prime time to booze it up while sitting on the sofa with my cats. Part of it stems from anxiety of him not being home. He's headed to the city for a concert and my imagination always runs rampant when he's not safe at home.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:23 AM
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I think you've got some good suggestions already. You get conditioned to expect alcohol as a de-stressor so it takes time to rebuild to handle stress in different ways.

Nons has a good point about thinking about drinking. I've been sober almost 3.5 years and I still periodically think about having a beer when I get stressed out. But that's just it. It's a thought. I don't follow through with the thought. Usually something comes along to knock it out of my head.

When I'd been sober about 6 months I had a really really hard time dealing with stress related to my work commute. I got SO angry about it. I said the serenity prayer a lot. I cried a little. I swore a lot. I got through it. I kept busy and I kept repeating "this too shall pass." It did pass.

I'm back to a spot where work is really stressful again. I try repeating "this too shall pass" but lately it feels like a hollow promise because even though it passes, something worse has been coming along to take its place. What do I do? I'm posting and reading here more often again. I'm reaching out to friends. I'm dreaming about what I would do if I win the lottery. I stay too much in my head but at least it's more creative than picking up a drink to cope.

Hang in there.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:23 AM
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First and foremost, remember that you don't drink anymore...period. All of the stress and commotion that goes on in our lives will always be there...and drinking won't solve any of it of course. Your addiction is simply trying to tell you otherwise...and its full of BS.

What you are feeling is life...raw and unadultered, and it is one of the hardest things about sobriety IMHO. Our default reaction was to try and run away/hide in a bottle - but all that really just postpones the inevitable. Talking through things here is a great idea - it starts teaching your brain that there IS a better way to deal with stress and that problems can be worked out without alcohol ( as much as our addiction want's us to think otherwise ).

How about setting up a schedule for yourself while your BF is out of town so you have "something to do" constructive each hour of the day, rather than waiting for the AV to catch you unawares.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Nikkabean326 View Post
. Most of my stresses comes from people unnecessarily CC'ing someone in an e-mail as an eff you to me. Other's involve my division moving to a different building and my department which literally houses just myself will be moved away from my team to sit with the conglomerate of dealer support representatives from the CEO's other five companies. It's pretty stressful. I've been with these people for 2 years - by the time the move happens it'll be 3 years. I just don't see how it will work since we all work so closely together. I shouldn't get myself worked up.. this is happening next year.

So - I guess I should say how do you deal with life's changes as they come without feeling the need to medicate with booze or whatever you poison might be?

.
I have a hulahoop. in it are my responsabilites, goals, actions, obligations, commitments.
when I learned what belongs in my hulahoop and what belongs in someone elses, I could keep it balanced.
it can still become unbalanced at times, but I know how to balance it.

plus I don't go too far into the future. too many "what ifs."
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:32 AM
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I have much same thing at work at work,there is always one or two bellends - one is always the boss and other is the little back stabber who hides behind the boss and deliberately try's to drop you in it

I used to come home and hit the bottle - legitimately in my view as I had earned right dealing with said bell ends all day

Now - well it still infuriates me at time..but I take 5 minutes with my clear head now and you know what ..it's not important,even if I drink there still be bell ends,always were and always will be

5pm is done I'm clicking my heels as I'm happy,sober and you guessed it ..not a bellend!

There work colleagues and end of day that's it - surround yourself with good friends who are positive

Month on Friday for me ! Loving it 👍🏻
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:48 AM
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Hey Nikki,

I know what you mean about the thoughts that go through our heads while at work..."can't wait to get home and have a glass of wine...that will fix my frustration..." Like someone here said, it's just a thought, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Let it pass..."this too shall pass"...

What used to help me was going to the gym after work. Doing something good for myself always makes me feel stronger and more able to cope with the urge to drink. If you don't belong to a gym, why not join one? Not only will it give you a new routine after work, but keep you busy while your BF is away.

As for the office politics, it is what it is. Try not to let others get into your head, do your work and be done with it. It's not worth getting worked up over. It doesn't matter what type of work environment we work in, there's always going to be someone who will p*** us off. Don't let them have the satisfaction!

Congrats on day 17...you're doing great! Keep going...
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:53 AM
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Nikka, I do lots of things to reduce stress. I listen to music a lot, I read a lot, I do yoga and I walk miles every day. What kinds of things do you think would work for you? Congratulation on 17 days!
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:00 AM
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"I can't wait for a glass of wine tonight."

Maybe you could make a list of alternatives and keep it handy in your desk?

"I can't wait for a hot bath tonight."
"I can't wait to order my favorite pizza/take out tonight."
"I can't wait to watch that movie on Netflix I've been wanting to see tonight."
"I can't wait to go to the bookstore tonight."

Etc.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:03 PM
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Work, well we are all expected to do way more with less. Less resources, less people. And maybe it is just me, but it seems most of my teammates are willing to throw anyone they can under the bus. I suppose with layoffs and the economy, it makes people more fearfull. I have been really unhappy at work a few months now, they moved me to a new team that sucks and the hours are incredibly long. I started a mandatory task at 11:00 p.m. the other night, I started my day at 7:00 a.m. I am effectively living my job and nothing else it seems some days.

Yes, the stress is bad, no one likes change (except babies and their diapers) and it is hard to change, at least it is for me. Sounds like the change of location a year out bugs you and it is a year away. It is the fear of the unknown I think. loss of control. At least it is for me. Being such a controlling person, I am suprised I am such a drunk, but I think it let me finally let go and quieted the voices in my head to be in control, to acheive, to well whatever.

Like the others mentioned, I had to look forward to new things, I changed up my routine. Maybe I went to the bookstore after work. Or started on a puzzle. Or went straight to a movie after work during the week. The fact is, the alcohol was adding to the stress in my life, not lessening it. Once I fully embraced that thought, really believed it, I realized what a dead end a glass of wine was after work.
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Old 05-10-2017, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by HTown View Post
The fact is, the alcohol was adding to the stress in my life, not lessening it. Once I fully embraced that thought, really believed it, I realized what a dead end a glass of wine was after work.
SO true! I always used to think that alcohol was helping my stress, when in fact it was causing most of my anxiety.
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Old 05-10-2017, 03:48 PM
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Everyone in the world deals with stress - not everyone turns to drinking...so it stands to reason there must be other effective healthy and positive responses to stress

Here are what I think are some useful tips NB

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html

D
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Old 05-10-2017, 05:47 PM
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I get you all the way, Nikkabean -- the alone time, the work things. Some of it is your addictive side trying to give you excuses. A couple of tips I've learned:

When husband is away I climb straight into my pajamas with a bunch of things he wouldn't watch with me on netflix and eat popcorn, ice cream, & spaghetti in bed for dinner. That keeps me out of trouble.

I used to be an at-work drinker. The best advice for work I know is don't let yourself hide. Hang out at the cooler & the break room & other people's cubicles and SR. Just being with others helped me with the jitters and the crying jags, and made me feel safe.

Have a great night!
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:10 PM
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Oddly enough, I found that work stress was easier to manage when sober. Put simply, I have less stress to begin with when sober. Things that used to be stressful, aren't anymore.
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:11 PM
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Our AVs will use any excuse to get us to take that first drink, whether that be a stressor (eg work stress or family issues or grief); a celebration (eg weddings or birthday or a team win); or a habit (eg. day of the week or particular place or people)

The thing is, if alcohol actually was helpful none of us would have arrived here at this forum trying to get sober or maintain our sobriety. But alcohol was not a solution to anything before, and it wouldn't be now. In AA the first step in the recovery program is to write a detailed list or account of the ways that alcohol made life unmanageable, and this is a great little piece of paper to get back out and look back over when my AV starts trying the 'a drink would make this better /easier' type ass-poop.

Also in AA I was taught to 'keep it in the day', or on a particularly trying day, 'keep it in the hour'. Effectively Mindfulness. Not letting my mind go trawling off into the past or the future, but to stay present and just deal with what is at hand right now. Which is the only thing we can really do anyway. And not trying to second guess other people's motives or what they're thinking, or projecting about how conversations will go (what my sponsor refers to as 'talking to people who aren't in the room').

Acceptance of others being as they are - 'warts' and all (although their warts may be more along the lines of erratic, selfishness, bullishness, etc.). Getting hung up on others foibles or behaviors is just sowing seeds for resentments, and these are a luxury that i can ill-afford I recovery. Resentments are like emotional poison. Much better to focus on my side of the street.

This is all stuff that I have learned through recovery - some in AA and some on here. And when people suggested most of these things to me I was disheartened. I wanted some more practical suggestions I suppose. But gradually my perspective altered. My alcoholic thinking used to have me grabbing for answers that would give instant gratification. Often i'd over reacting to situations that gave me fear of threatened to damage how I thought others might perceive me, and then find myself having to spend mental and physical energy putting those things right or stressing about them, all adding to my load.

There are a couple of practical / physical suggestions I'll make though. My own work environment can be very challenging at times, and on those days and weeks I would find it very hard to step back and breathe, and get some perspective on things. Problems soon grow disproportionately large in my head when I get to wrapped up in or close to them. So, nowadays I try to always have at least a 20 minute break from the work environment every lunchtime. I actually use a prayer / meditation podcast to listen to while I walk and focus on breathing and reducing the physical tensions that have built up in my body. Often, as I leave the building, I don't realise how fast I'm walking or breathing, and that my entire neck and shoulder area is tense as could be. As I walk and change focus these things become evident to me and I can address them. I always return very refreshed and more able to solve problems and cope with people and situations that were causing me insurmountable issues half an hour previously. That 20 minutes off effectively makes me more time effective for the rest of the day.

You may not be interested in going to AA, and that's fair enough. Each to their own as far as recovery goes. But it might be worth just looking online at the 12 steps of AA. What fascinated me (at a month sober when I first went along) was that only the first step even mentions alcohol. The other 11 steps are all about learning to live life on life's terms, and recovering from being who we were and becoming resilient through an altered perspective. Reading those steps gave me hope. I wasn't insane (as I'd been thinking) and life didn't have it in for me after all. I was just feeling as thousands of others had done before me, and will do after me. And there are steps I can take to feel better. I was not alone. I was not insane. I could, I was told, find serenity - inner peace and joy. And I have, through working a recovery program. Alcohol never gave me that, no matter what promises it whispered or yelled in my ear.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery, and hope that work won't seem so mountainous today. BB
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Old 05-11-2017, 07:17 AM
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Time. I'm eight years sober, and honestly, alcohol mostly never enters my mind as a source of stress relief. When it does, I remember a simple truth: Drinking makes problems worse. Whatever I'm dealing with – and I cope with a lot of stress at work and home – I know that alcohol will ultimately exacerbate the problem. My vice is chocolate, but I find I'm able to manage that with diet and exercise. It probably took me a year to reach the point where my default solution in coping with stress stopped being alcohol. We all have the power to make this happen.
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