Friends obsessed with politics stressing me out
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Friends obsessed with politics stressing me out
So, one of my discoveries in my newly sober state is some of my friends are totally obsessed with politics.
Before I was too bombed to care very much about what they were saying but now I hear them... and hear them.. and hear them.
I'm not going to discuss any of their particular beliefs here because it's not really the point, the point is they not only wish to talk to me about these things, they also seem to view me as selfish for not wanting to discuss depressing things I have no control over.
Well, two people in particular do.
It's getting to the point where they are bothering me about it quite a bit and its bringing me down.
My opinion on such matters is I vote every election and beyond that I cannot control anything so there's no use in worrying about it more than I can help
It sounds like a rather silly thing to be concerned about but I'm distancing myself from people I otherwise like because they are becoming very intense about this stuff. And from a recovering alcoholics perspective, getting depressed and anxious with no benefit acts as a megaphone for my av.
I've tried to say this to them, that I want to be their friend but this is damaging my recovery and I don't know if I can be if they cannot let these things lie, but they respond by telling me essentially, what an awful, selfish man I am.
Before I was too bombed to care very much about what they were saying but now I hear them... and hear them.. and hear them.
I'm not going to discuss any of their particular beliefs here because it's not really the point, the point is they not only wish to talk to me about these things, they also seem to view me as selfish for not wanting to discuss depressing things I have no control over.
Well, two people in particular do.
It's getting to the point where they are bothering me about it quite a bit and its bringing me down.
My opinion on such matters is I vote every election and beyond that I cannot control anything so there's no use in worrying about it more than I can help
It sounds like a rather silly thing to be concerned about but I'm distancing myself from people I otherwise like because they are becoming very intense about this stuff. And from a recovering alcoholics perspective, getting depressed and anxious with no benefit acts as a megaphone for my av.
I've tried to say this to them, that I want to be their friend but this is damaging my recovery and I don't know if I can be if they cannot let these things lie, but they respond by telling me essentially, what an awful, selfish man I am.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Hitch 
So, one of my discoveries in my newly sober state is some of my friends are totally obsessed with politics.
Before I was too bombed to care very much about what they were saying but now I hear them... and hear them.. and hear them.
I'm not going to discuss any of their particular beliefs here because it's not really the point, the point is they not only wish to talk to me about these things, they also seem to view me as selfish for not wanting to discuss depressing things I have no control over.
Well, two people in particular do.
It's getting to the point where they are bothering me about it quite a bit and its bringing me down.
My opinion on such matters is I vote every election and beyond that I cannot control anything so there's no use in worrying about it more than I can help
It sounds like a rather silly thing to be concerned about but I'm distancing myself from people I otherwise like because they are becoming very intense about this stuff. And from a recovering alcoholics perspective, getting depressed and anxious with no benefit acts as a megaphone for my av.
I've tried to say this to them, that I want to be their friend but this is damaging my recovery and I don't know if I can be if they cannot let these things lie, but they respond by telling me essentially, what an awful, selfish man I am.
Before I was too bombed to care very much about what they were saying but now I hear them... and hear them.. and hear them.
I'm not going to discuss any of their particular beliefs here because it's not really the point, the point is they not only wish to talk to me about these things, they also seem to view me as selfish for not wanting to discuss depressing things I have no control over.
Well, two people in particular do.
It's getting to the point where they are bothering me about it quite a bit and its bringing me down.
My opinion on such matters is I vote every election and beyond that I cannot control anything so there's no use in worrying about it more than I can help
It sounds like a rather silly thing to be concerned about but I'm distancing myself from people I otherwise like because they are becoming very intense about this stuff. And from a recovering alcoholics perspective, getting depressed and anxious with no benefit acts as a megaphone for my av.
I've tried to say this to them, that I want to be their friend but this is damaging my recovery and I don't know if I can be if they cannot let these things lie, but they respond by telling me essentially, what an awful, selfish man I am.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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I think it's mainly frustration that I may have to end friendships (honestly, it's not a case of leaving when things get too heated, things are always heated, its just constant) over something so easily fixable.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You're not going to change them, Hitch. I find it liberating and empowering to be able to walk away from people and situations that I know are not good for me.
If you do it enough maybe they'll chill a little. Maybe they won't. I can put up with a little of it, but I can leave at any time. That's where the power is.
If you do it enough maybe they'll chill a little. Maybe they won't. I can put up with a little of it, but I can leave at any time. That's where the power is.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Yeah, well I'll have to walk away for now and perhaps they'll realise that its not worth losing a friendship over minor philosophical disagreements. The ball is in their court now, its just a rather silly and sad situation. Still, my recovery and my loved ones come first.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, they both wanna talk politics - could ya introduce them to each other and pop off somewhere else?
We tend to get restless irritable and discontent in early days, and need to look after those HALT triggers. It's okay to have boundaries. If they don't respect them, then you can always avoid them for a while.
We tend to get restless irritable and discontent in early days, and need to look after those HALT triggers. It's okay to have boundaries. If they don't respect them, then you can always avoid them for a while.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Well, I would not bother at all with anyone who called me awful and selfish.
What I know is that early recovery is a time of great change and often that can mean changing friends and people in your life. I think it is extremely important to have people around you who love you and care about your feelings. Of course, it's equally important for you to care about their feelings, and if you find that you are stressed and upset by what matters to them, maybe it's time to move on.
What I know is that early recovery is a time of great change and often that can mean changing friends and people in your life. I think it is extremely important to have people around you who love you and care about your feelings. Of course, it's equally important for you to care about their feelings, and if you find that you are stressed and upset by what matters to them, maybe it's time to move on.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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My counselor taught me a phrase that I try to remember when I have struggles with things I should worry about or not: "It's not for me". I put politics in this category along with most mainstream "news", most social media, etc.
I do think it's possible to co-exist/be friends with those who choose to dwell on on the mundane - you can just tell them that you don't want to talk about those things. Many times people are mainly looking for the argument more than the topic itself - so if you just diffuse the whole thing before it begins that can help. But yeah, there are some folks who just seem to live for the argument...and they are definitely "not for me" ;-)
I do think it's possible to co-exist/be friends with those who choose to dwell on on the mundane - you can just tell them that you don't want to talk about those things. Many times people are mainly looking for the argument more than the topic itself - so if you just diffuse the whole thing before it begins that can help. But yeah, there are some folks who just seem to live for the argument...and they are definitely "not for me" ;-)
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Originally Posted by Anna
Well, I would not bother at all with anyone who called me awful and selfish.
What I know is that early recovery is a time of great change and often that can mean changing friends and people in your life. I think it is extremely important to have people around you who love you and care about your feelings. Of course, it's equally important for you to care about their feelings, and if you find that you are stressed and upset by what matters to them, maybe it's time to move on.
What I know is that early recovery is a time of great change and often that can mean changing friends and people in your life. I think it is extremely important to have people around you who love you and care about your feelings. Of course, it's equally important for you to care about their feelings, and if you find that you are stressed and upset by what matters to them, maybe it's time to move on.
I think I've been more forgiving because having been in a haze for so many years, I think they've changed so much and I haven't really noticed until now, so this shocking change in personality to me is just them gradually changing as a person for them.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
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Yes. No need to burn bridges, but no need to spend time with them if they're irritating you right now. In a few months you may feel differently, but maybe not.
I've found a lot of my old friends aren't really on the same wavelength as me any more, or me them. It's been important for me to find friendships and fellowship with others who do understand me. Not necessarily LOADS of them, but a few reliable ones. Over the last few years I've made some close friendships in AA and a large number of supportive acquaintances there. And the same at church. Last weekend I didn't see many friends, but those I did see were supportive, considerate, understood me, and we spoke about things of mutual interest with love, respect and kindness. No demands, point scoring or insults. Just beautiful friendship. My old friendships were never like that - mostly because they weren't the kind of friendships that I sought. They were bar-room buddies. Good for rants and bar-debates (the kind where people take turns to speak but no one actually listens to the other person). They were also people who I didn't think would have room to judge me, or had low enough morals that they wouldn't think anything of my bad behaviour other than it was a bit of a joke.
We get sober because we want things to change. And when we change and our lives change, sometimes things we didn't expect to be affected just are. No guilt or recriminations necessary.
I've found a lot of my old friends aren't really on the same wavelength as me any more, or me them. It's been important for me to find friendships and fellowship with others who do understand me. Not necessarily LOADS of them, but a few reliable ones. Over the last few years I've made some close friendships in AA and a large number of supportive acquaintances there. And the same at church. Last weekend I didn't see many friends, but those I did see were supportive, considerate, understood me, and we spoke about things of mutual interest with love, respect and kindness. No demands, point scoring or insults. Just beautiful friendship. My old friendships were never like that - mostly because they weren't the kind of friendships that I sought. They were bar-room buddies. Good for rants and bar-debates (the kind where people take turns to speak but no one actually listens to the other person). They were also people who I didn't think would have room to judge me, or had low enough morals that they wouldn't think anything of my bad behaviour other than it was a bit of a joke.
We get sober because we want things to change. And when we change and our lives change, sometimes things we didn't expect to be affected just are. No guilt or recriminations necessary.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Red flag. They are NOT your friends if they are telling you you're awful and selfish.
When I voted in the last Presidential election, one of my longest kept friends told me I was an awful human being. We are still connected on fb, but I will never, ever hold respect for him again. I will never hang out with him again.
It's a clear sign it's time to move on.
When I voted in the last Presidential election, one of my longest kept friends told me I was an awful human being. We are still connected on fb, but I will never, ever hold respect for him again. I will never hang out with him again.
It's a clear sign it's time to move on.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Politics imo are soooooo boring....lol
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I can find many other topics to chat
about like gardening, motorcycles,
recovery, golf, shopping, food.... just
to name a few that will keep me entertained
and not put me to sleep....
Of course my interest my be boring to
others, but hey....that's not problem.
Just sayin....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I can find many other topics to chat
about like gardening, motorcycles,
recovery, golf, shopping, food.... just
to name a few that will keep me entertained
and not put me to sleep....
Of course my interest my be boring to
others, but hey....that's not problem.
Just sayin....
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I'm sorry you're going through this, Hitch. I agree with the others here - don't let yourself be drawn into it. I even have family members who just won't shut up about it, & it's hard to walk away from a family gathering.
Good responses here - I hope it helps you to know we're with you, Hitch.
Good responses here
- I hope it helps you to know we're with you, Hitch.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I have had similar troubles. Have lost good friends. Have been told I am a "bad" man for not agreeing with them politically. You are absolutely correct in what you have posted. Your health comes first, even over your friendships. Avoid them. Don't let on the reasons you are doing so. If confronted, say you don't feel well and may discuss these things at a later time. Hide, procrastinate. Keep your eye on the main thing. Keeping well yourself.
Our land, sadly, has turned toxic.I am not only concerned. I am frightened. I shall not describe the precautions I have taken or plan to take. I am 90 now. I want to live quietly, soberly and as serenely as possible in the time remaining for me. Good luck and let us all pray or hope that things will be better.
Bill.
Our land, sadly, has turned toxic.I am not only concerned. I am frightened. I shall not describe the precautions I have taken or plan to take. I am 90 now. I want to live quietly, soberly and as serenely as possible in the time remaining for me. Good luck and let us all pray or hope that things will be better.
Bill.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I say it often around here- I am ruthless about who gets a seat at my table. That means NO one gets time or energy if they are soul-sucking in any way. Or just not trying to be their best selves (alcoholic or not) and are generally pleasant people whose company I ENJOY. Why would l do otherwise? Nothing that disturbs my peace of mine gets my time; when we are talking friends, that's particularly easy. I'd be pleasant if I ran into them and otherwise let them go on their way. My sobriety is too important to create stress. Which keeping up these kinds of friendships would be for me.
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