Need to make a change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Need to make a change.
Hey all,
my name is Blake and I've been struggling with alcoholism for about 8 years now. Just to give a brief back-story, my family has a long history of this disease; my Grandfather, Aunt, Dad, and various others have struggled with this affliction, to a certain degree so once I took my first drink, it was a done deal. I was always a pretty shy and reserved kid in school (29 now) and never even thought of touching a drink until I went to college. The first drink I remember having was the best feeling in the world, as it made me personable, outgoing, and just a whole new person which I loved. However as time progressed, the drinks did too. You'd think me getting a D.U.I or me failing out of college my senior year for not going to class because of the hangovers would be a wake-up calls, and at the time they were, but I eventually started back up again.
I've tried all of the tricks in an attempt to foil my brain into thinking "I'm not an alcoholic" by only drinking beer, modifying the amounts of beer I drink, buying beer with less APV, etc but I would always go back to getting my 6-pack a day sometimes even a 12 (Bud Light Platinum was usually my beer of choice). But I am tired of being this way. It's weird now though because whenever I drink now, I'm not that personable guy that I was when I first started drinking, I'm annoying...very annoying and I do things I wouldn't normally do...and I hate who I am.
Luckily I didn't drink last night but I need support. Talking about this is one of the hardest things for me to do as I'm not one to talk about my feelings but I just can't do this anymore. Alcohol has ruined my life.
my name is Blake and I've been struggling with alcoholism for about 8 years now. Just to give a brief back-story, my family has a long history of this disease; my Grandfather, Aunt, Dad, and various others have struggled with this affliction, to a certain degree so once I took my first drink, it was a done deal. I was always a pretty shy and reserved kid in school (29 now) and never even thought of touching a drink until I went to college. The first drink I remember having was the best feeling in the world, as it made me personable, outgoing, and just a whole new person which I loved. However as time progressed, the drinks did too. You'd think me getting a D.U.I or me failing out of college my senior year for not going to class because of the hangovers would be a wake-up calls, and at the time they were, but I eventually started back up again.
I've tried all of the tricks in an attempt to foil my brain into thinking "I'm not an alcoholic" by only drinking beer, modifying the amounts of beer I drink, buying beer with less APV, etc but I would always go back to getting my 6-pack a day sometimes even a 12 (Bud Light Platinum was usually my beer of choice). But I am tired of being this way. It's weird now though because whenever I drink now, I'm not that personable guy that I was when I first started drinking, I'm annoying...very annoying and I do things I wouldn't normally do...and I hate who I am.
Luckily I didn't drink last night but I need support. Talking about this is one of the hardest things for me to do as I'm not one to talk about my feelings but I just can't do this anymore. Alcohol has ruined my life.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Welcome!! You're only 29...as tough as it feels right now, your best life is out there still and lots of it. Good for you for being so smart at such a young age.
Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. Doing some research on the biochemistry of alcohol addiction might be a big help...for me, taking the "I'm a horrible person" part out and replacing it with "My biochemistry has been compromised by drinking alcohol but it can heal" was a game-changer.
You're among friends...we get it. Please post early and often? In the beginning phase, it's really important to have help and someone is always around here 24/7,
Sending you a hug.
Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. Doing some research on the biochemistry of alcohol addiction might be a big help...for me, taking the "I'm a horrible person" part out and replacing it with "My biochemistry has been compromised by drinking alcohol but it can heal" was a game-changer.
You're among friends...we get it. Please post early and often? In the beginning phase, it's really important to have help and someone is always around here 24/7,
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Hey Blake!
Welcome. Alcoholism is a tough hombre. And we have all had our fits and starts, including your truly. But it is doable. Very doable.
And your life is not ruined. You are still very, very young. One DUI is no tragedy. Just don't get another. And you can always go back to school, especially a guy your age! Buck up man. You can do this.
Welcome. Alcoholism is a tough hombre. And we have all had our fits and starts, including your truly. But it is doable. Very doable.
And your life is not ruined. You are still very, very young. One DUI is no tragedy. Just don't get another. And you can always go back to school, especially a guy your age! Buck up man. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
hey Blake - thank you for your brave post. i hope that gets easier with time.
to be honest, there are lot worse things than being an alcoholic. as Aries put it so aptly: Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. we are not bad people, or even defective, we simply REACT to alcohol different.
much like someone with a peanut allergy. the difference between the two is that the person with the peanut allergy will go to ANY length to further avoid coming in contact with nuts - whereas the alcoholic will try every trick in the book to still be able to drink.........and get away with it.
so you are faced with giving up ONE thing. and if you DO that, then you have the rest of your fabulous young life ahead. you can go back to school, finish the degree, or change degrees. you won't have to worry about what annoying thing you said or did, and you won't be filled with dread and self-hate.
not a bad bargain really!
to be honest, there are lot worse things than being an alcoholic. as Aries put it so aptly: Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. we are not bad people, or even defective, we simply REACT to alcohol different.
much like someone with a peanut allergy. the difference between the two is that the person with the peanut allergy will go to ANY length to further avoid coming in contact with nuts - whereas the alcoholic will try every trick in the book to still be able to drink.........and get away with it.
so you are faced with giving up ONE thing. and if you DO that, then you have the rest of your fabulous young life ahead. you can go back to school, finish the degree, or change degrees. you won't have to worry about what annoying thing you said or did, and you won't be filled with dread and self-hate.
not a bad bargain really!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
hey Blake - thank you for your brave post. i hope that gets easier with time.
to be honest, there are lot worse things than being an alcoholic. as Aries put it so aptly: Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. we are not bad people, or even defective, we simply REACT to alcohol different.
much like someone with a peanut allergy. the difference between the two is that the person with the peanut allergy will go to ANY length to further avoid coming in contact with nuts - whereas the alcoholic will try every trick in the book to still be able to drink.........and get away with it.
so you are faced with giving up ONE thing. and if you DO that, then you have the rest of your fabulous young life ahead. you can go back to school, finish the degree, or change degrees. you won't have to worry about what annoying thing you said or did, and you won't be filled with dread and self-hate.
not a bad bargain really!
to be honest, there are lot worse things than being an alcoholic. as Aries put it so aptly: Many of us have something in our wiring that makes us biochemically vulnerable to the effects of alcohol and makes it easier to become addicted. we are not bad people, or even defective, we simply REACT to alcohol different.
much like someone with a peanut allergy. the difference between the two is that the person with the peanut allergy will go to ANY length to further avoid coming in contact with nuts - whereas the alcoholic will try every trick in the book to still be able to drink.........and get away with it.
so you are faced with giving up ONE thing. and if you DO that, then you have the rest of your fabulous young life ahead. you can go back to school, finish the degree, or change degrees. you won't have to worry about what annoying thing you said or did, and you won't be filled with dread and self-hate.
not a bad bargain really!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Rupert ID
Posts: 469
Welcome to SR, Blake! After trial and error you made the only winning move; NOT drinking. It requires exactly what you came here for-support. You can't do it alone but you can become sober and stay sober, with support and a plan for sobriety. We will help you all we can but you must commit yourself to never taking another drink of anything with alcohol. It can be done. Just read some of the many stories of people here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
You guys don't know how much these words and support mean to me. My family doesn't believe I can stop drinking (and why should they, I haven't before) so it's hard for me to tell them that I've stopped and they believe me. But yeah, I've just come to a point where alcohol isn't benefiting me in any way.
I'll probably be posting quite a bit in the early morning hours because my trigger times are 12:30 - 2AM whenever everyone in my house is asleep, and I can sneak and get beer without getting caught.
I'll probably be posting quite a bit in the early morning hours because my trigger times are 12:30 - 2AM whenever everyone in my house is asleep, and I can sneak and get beer without getting caught.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Blake. It's so good to have you with us.
Your story is my story. It was all fun & enjoyment in the beginning. I was rather shy & self-conscious and the drinks seemed to help with that. Over time the weekend drinking led to every day - then all day. I didn't do what you're doing - I refused to admit it was slowly destroying my life. I was much older when I came crawling into SR for help. By then, so much needless damage was done. This won't happen to you.
Your story is my story. It was all fun & enjoyment in the beginning. I was rather shy & self-conscious and the drinks seemed to help with that. Over time the weekend drinking led to every day - then all day. I didn't do what you're doing - I refused to admit it was slowly destroying my life. I was much older when I came crawling into SR for help. By then, so much needless damage was done. This won't happen to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Cooligan
My family doesn't believe I can stop drinking (and why should they, I haven't before) so it's hard for me to tell them that I've stopped and they believe me. But yeah, I've just come to a point where alcohol isn't benefiting me in any way.
I'll probably be posting quite a bit in the early morning hours because my trigger times are 12:30 - 2AM whenever everyone in my house is asleep, and I can sneak and get beer without getting caught.
I'll probably be posting quite a bit in the early morning hours because my trigger times are 12:30 - 2AM whenever everyone in my house is asleep, and I can sneak and get beer without getting caught.
Don't listen to what anyone "thinks"...what counts are the choices you make going forward.
Keep posting and exploring SR...there's an incredible amount of support and information here that has helped me grow and learn about my addiction. I hope you will find SR as useful as I have in finding true recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Originally Posted by Cooligan
I'm not that personable guy that I was when I first started drinking, I'm annoying...very annoying and I do things I wouldn't normally do...and I hate who I am.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Hey guys, haven't really been posting much but a quick update, today is day 4 of me being sober. I know that may not sound like much but to me, that's a feat. A mere week ago, I was drinking a 6-pack or more every night by myself in my room. But, I've had more energy and I'm getting back to my previous hobbies of reading and watching movies (an avid movie watcher here, mostly Horror) instead of putting on a movie and being too sloshed to finish it or remember it the next day.
Not going to lie, I have been craving beer but I've been fighting through it. Just really trying to re-wire my brain to not want alcohol at night...that's my trigger, night -- when every one is sleep and I can drink alone. The one thing that's killing me is my insomnia, I just cannot get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning but I'll take that over waking up with a massive headache or nausea, lol.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Not going to lie, I have been craving beer but I've been fighting through it. Just really trying to re-wire my brain to not want alcohol at night...that's my trigger, night -- when every one is sleep and I can drink alone. The one thing that's killing me is my insomnia, I just cannot get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning but I'll take that over waking up with a massive headache or nausea, lol.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Good job Blake! Like Hevyn said, insomnia is common. Some people begin to sleep better after a week or 2. It took me quite some time (over a month). But...once your sleep returns to normal, it's the best feeling there is! You'll actually feel rested when you wake up in the morning. Boo YA!
Keep going...it really does get so much better!
Keep going...it really does get so much better!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Have you thought about making a recovery plan, Cooligan?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Yes, Dee, I'm working one out. I'm already accustomed to working out so I'm continuing to do that as well as going back to my other hobbies of reading at night and other things. The one thing I have noticed in my 6 days of sobriety is that a lot of my "friends" like to drink alcohol (quite a bit) so I think I inherently chose them as friends to not be judged by how much I drank. I was actually tempted last night too as it was one of my friend's birthdays and they went to a bar to celebrate, and they invited me. I did contemplate going for a while but decided against it. I just really want to avoid bars, parties, etc for right now because I don't trust myself, yet, to not drink around temptation.
Just a quick sidebar too: I don't think without this site, I would've been able to stay sober for this amount time. It's so nice to see people who've drank like me be able to stop and stay sober. None of my family or friends were able to do that.
Thank you
Just a quick sidebar too: I don't think without this site, I would've been able to stay sober for this amount time. It's so nice to see people who've drank like me be able to stop and stay sober. None of my family or friends were able to do that.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 146
Welcome!
My best advice is honesty. When you want to go out and get loaded TELL SOMEONE right away. Don't procrastinate or waffle on that one. Don't keep it a secret.
Definately post here and read others posts as well. If you feel like sneaking out, TELL someone.
One hour at a time it adds up to 24.
My best advice is honesty. When you want to go out and get loaded TELL SOMEONE right away. Don't procrastinate or waffle on that one. Don't keep it a secret.
Definately post here and read others posts as well. If you feel like sneaking out, TELL someone.
One hour at a time it adds up to 24.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
