Coffeebean9

After about 2 weeks of standing off, getting my anxiety and tension under control, I had a break down of emotions and revealed them to my partners a week ago. (I'm what you call emotionally constipated) lol.

It's been about 5 days of him not drinking at first he was upset and found himself doing anything to keep his distance and try to do ANYTHING to keep himself occupied and not drinking, very irriatble. He was getting so used just drinking when he came home and on weekends, so i could tell he was kind of coming to realization that maybe he did just full time with "relaxing".

Last night we had a great time watching a tv show and playing with the kids. I know i don't want to get my hopes up too quickly that he's taking notice but has anyone been through this a million times(ups and downs of drinking) thinking ok this is it, he's going to do something. I'm still trying to keep walls up and focus on myself, which feels great. But any advice on detaching and getting ready for that possible rollercoaster and whether I should mention how great it has been since he hadn't drank?

atalose

I think a great read that might enlighten you is a thread posted yesterday titled.............life without boundaries, check it out.

Coffeebean9

I actually just read out before i posted but I'm new to the site and mentality. Could you maybe inform me of the ending a little better. It was so honest Ann's i pretty much understood it all but s little confused at the end.

atalose

Basically it's the sad story that so many here go through about giving up so much of ones life, hope and dreams while waiting on someone else (the alcoholic) to change. It's the sad and difficult untangling one from an alcoholic and the often toxic life we build with them. The unhealthy finally becoming healthy and freeing themselves from the chains of alcoholism they thought they were bound by all in the name of "love".
I believe the writer of that post is seeing the light of day and making some unpleasant but well needed decisions after years of waiting and unhappiness, she is wanting a new life.

Coffeebean9

Thank you. Thats what I thought she meant. But wanted to be sure.... alcoholism is truly a beast that i never imagined could do so much damage. I'm so glad for you and everyone's support through this.

atalose

Coffeebean9, it's a process we all have to go through. We gain knowledge of alcoholism and addict behaviors. We gain knowledge of how our own feelings tend to work against us and often enable the situations to continue. We begin to grown and learn and with our new knowledge we begin to make healthier decisions for ourselves along with an acceptance that no matter what we do or say has literally no affect on the alcoholism that effects our loved ones.

There is no much reading you can do here to gain an deep understanding of life with an alcoholic. And I always say the only dumb question is the question not asked. Lots of great people here, lots of battle wombs and so many lost wars of alcoholism.

Although I never view leaving an alcoholic as losing a war but rather as one more life saved from the chaos and throws of alcoholism. And when there are children involved, a hope that the cycle of dysfunctional alcoholic families/homes are broken and never repeated.

Bekindalways

Hey Coffeebean, as you have two small children, you probably don't have much time. However if you are at all a reader, Codependent no More is a favorite around here.

Hope you keep posting. Hugs