Bethany57

Hi: I am not sure what to do and am really beside myself with worry. I have a grown daughter who is married with children. Her and her husband are both alcoholics in a very dysfunctional marriage. I have confronted them about the drinking one time and it did not go well. She just got angry at me .They drink and fight in front of the small children. These are both highly successful functioning people too! I am just so worried about my grandchildren - they are both so selfish that I think when they get so angry at one another they don't care who is around. What can I do to help these sweet children who have no say in the matter? I keep them several times a week after work to help out but then when I do I feel it just enables them and gives them an opportunity to drink. I am so worried about my little grandchildren ( 3 and 7) - I just feel they are harming them so much in their informative years. What can I do to help? I am so worried - and have no one to talk to about this.

rae145

I'm sorry for you and your grandchildren. Al Anon has been a great help for me. Face to face meetings or phone meetings are offered.
Take care

LatteQueen

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I agree al-anon might be something to consider. I've learned something in what I've gone through...only the alcoholic can make the decision to get healthy. They have to want to do it on their own. Hopefully one of them will snap out of it and do what is best for the kiddos. In regards to you being an enabler, they are likely going to drink whether you watch the kids or not. At least the times they are with you, you know they are safe. Good luck!

Bethany57

Thank you both.... Latte...you are right - they will probably drink whether I watch the kids or not. Yes, I always know they are safe with me and I have a safe and calm environment for them always at my home.

atalose

Maybe its time to start a new way of thinking..............instead of focusing on the drinkers and trying to get them to stop, because they are going to drink if the children are with them or not. Begin to start thinking that the more you do have the children the less alcoholic dysfunction they have to witness.

I know grandparents who refuse to allow the children to drive home with the parent if the grandparent suspects they are drunk and unable to drive safely. Some even contact the police in order to protect the children.

PuzzledHeart

I second atalose. If the grandchildren are at your house, they're spending more time in a functional household rather than a dysfunctional one.

My sister's children spend a good amount of time with my parents -on the surface it looks like enabling because my parents are willing to take them at a moment's notice. However, it's very clear that the priority here is taking care of the children. When my sister gets into other scrapes that don't affect her kids, my parents let the chips fall where they may.

Bethany57

Thank you so much for your advice. The sad fact is even in this dysfunctional state these kids want to be with their parents. They have known nothing but dysfunction their whole life. It's just a sad situation all around.