Latoya

Hi Guys,
Need some advise been with my partner for six years now and have always covered him up. We have a five year old son together and love Him dearly. My partner has always had a gambling and drinking problem and i just kept denying it, until we were on our own it got harder for me. I always made sure my son had his things first and that the rent and bills were paid, everything was great when we had two incomes but he wanted me home and stupid me listen. I've always been independent but since being with him I've lost myself, there's weeks he comes home with his pay and then nothing on the other. It's the same pattern every month and I'm sick of him saying sorry because his actions haven't changed. You might wonder why I'm still with him, I could say because I love him blah blah or because I don't want my son to grow up without a father. The truth is I'm scared, this relationship has literally drain the life out of me that I've lost my self esteem, confidence and my independence. I have no idea where to start I'm sick and tired of getting kicked out, looking for a new place and covering him up when it comes to asking my family for help. I've been trying to make him seek professional help, but he has too much pride. ( I don't know why he does ) I know for someone to change is for them to want the help. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm so close to losing it. Thanks guys.

honeypig

Welcome to SR, Latoya. You are among friends here; everyone has been or is now in your shoes.

The first thing I'd like to urge you to do is to read around the forum as much as you can. I think you'll see a lot that resonates w/you as you read other people's posts. Please do feel free to post on other threads, even though you might feel that, as a newbie, you don't have any words of wisdom. Just a simple "I know how you feel" is still a valid contribution and can help a struggling member feel better. Also make sure to check out the "stickies" at the top of the page; there's a lot of experience and wisdom to be found there.

I'd also like to suggest Alanon to you as an additional form of support. Alanon is NOT about the alcoholic but about YOU--it's a great resource and source of learning and support. SR and Alanon in combination worked well for me, as each has its own strengths. You may find the same.

Your A partner doesn't sound as if he has any interest in recovery right now, so that means if anything is going to change, it will be up to you to make it happen. Do some reading here, go to Alanon, and begin thinking about why you've accepted what is clearly unacceptable behavior for so long. Start thinking about what you'd really like to have in your life. And start making plans/taking actions to become independent again, like finding a job.

Both you and your child deserve a better life than what you've described. You have the power to make that come true.

Hope to hear more from you in the days to come, Latoya.

FallenAngelina

Stop looking at him as the problem and get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. That's where you start. Look online for meetings near you and put yourself into a seat at the meeting. Lather, rinse, repeat.

FeelingGreat

Latoya, how about going back to work and making yourself independent? You are at the mercy of someone who puts himself first and you're in danger of going down with the ship.

Latoya

Thank you ☺ I'll definitely look into it and keep you updated.

Latoya

Thank you guys for the comments I do appreciate the honesty, I'm job hunting and looking into some courses. Now that our son goes to school it's time I fix myself, I'll definitely read more and seek help too. Thank you again ☺

Hummer

Hi Laytoya,

Sorry for your situation. The others have quite rightly pointed out that securing a job for yourself is the first step. Any others changes you choose to make can follow - no rush, take a steady pace so as not to feel overwhelmed.

Just wanted to say hi and send you best wishes