Dontreallycare

Alright guys. I need you to help me drown out my codie voice (I have a ton of blogs if you are interested in the back story. Be warned, it's a long one!). I've started putting my ducks in a row to divorce my AH, including starting to contact lawyers. Wouldn't you know, he didn't drink at all last night. Now my codie voice is whispering in my ear "See? He can control it....". I know one good night isn't worth the month of bad/so-so nights and I've got to remember that. Please help before I do something stupid! I can't spend the next thirty years the way I've spent the last eight.

LexieCat

What "stupid" thing are you thinking of doing? All you are doing right now is contacting lawyers, right? You're at the information-gathering stage, and you are making (very wise) preparations so you can leave when you're ready. None of those things commits you to ANYTHING.

I'd STRONGLY recommend that you continue with your process. Watch what happens in the meantime. I think it will become pretty clear that nothing has changed (except for the worse) in the five years you've been on this forum.

Dontreallycare

Stupid as in terms of even entertaining the idea of staying. No, I'm beyond the just "contacting lawyers" to gather info. I'm doing what I need to start the divorce proceedings at this point. As you pointed out, I've been on this forum for 5 years and even by then, I was getting tired of it. Maybe it's just the paranoid part of me thinking he somehow found my blogs and is trying to show me he can be good, but at this point, it really wouldn't change my mind.

SparkleKitty

DRC, it is one night. Literally anyone can not drink for one night. Stay the course, my friend.

hearthealth

Stbxh has not drank in three weeks but I know he will drink again. I hope he can prove me wrong but it doesn't change my lack of trust.

Refiner

No he can't control it as you've witnessed the past 8 years. Nothing has changed. Keep moving forward.

LexieCat

File. It will take months for the divorce to go through. Plenty of time to change your mind if, after careful consideration, that's what you really want. My bet is it will be so peaceful you won't want to back out by then.

Dontreallycare

Fortunately (or not depending on your view), you have to be legally separated for one year in my state. I'm hoping that one year will be the time he uses to prove me right or wrong. I suspect he will prove me right.

FeelingGreat

One night of sobriety is not a very high bar......

Dontreallycare

FeelingGreat.... thank you so very much. That one sentence hit me like a 2X4 from my HP! When you put it like that, it really hits home how low my expectations have become.

hopeful4

It's actions over the course of a very LONG time.

The best predictor of future behavior is....past behavior.

Hugs.

dandylion

Don't worry....it won't be long before he dashes your hope....again....

PhoenixJ

no you do not. I will corrupt your self esteem, sense of self worth, self respect. Your soul. I was that guy- my ex is you...30 years later. Support to you.

AnvilheadII

you could also give him credit for not drinking while sleeping.

it's sad when our concept of a "good" night is the fact that THEY did not ingest ANY alcohol.

One night of sobriety is not a very high bar...... i also wouldn't call a cessation in alcohol consumption for a few hours SOBRIETY.....

Lilro

^^^^^Anvil^^^^^ lmao. Credit for not drinking when sleeping.....

theuncertainty

AXH once actually tried to use a similar thing to get credit. "Remember, TU? I've had days where I don't drink. There were those 3 days last month when I didn't even consider drinking." "You mean the 3 days you were so sick you couldn't even keep broth down?"

So, he didn't have a drink for one night - possibly a couple by now. It doesn't mean much, and it sounds like you understand that, DRC, it's just that last thread of hope that is hanging. AXH actually went to in-patient rehab right before I filed for divorce and THAT didn't mean much for him. (Even though it had me wondering whether or not I should take him back, heart in hands, when he came back.) He stopped drinking a few days before he got ready to check in and said he'd 'be the first sober person to show up' for rehab. He came back and said it was always the hard stuff, never the beer.

It's not really just the not drinking that's the key factor, it's the underlying beliefs and commitment to change. And unfortunately, it takes longer than just a few days for that to become clear. Hang in there.

Dontreallycare

Well, you nailed that on the head. Thank goodness I ignored his ONE "good day". Between Friday, Saturday, and yesterday, he drank 9 1/2 bottles of wine and 58 oz of beer. He's making my decision easier and easier.

AnvilheadII

so about that attorney....................

think of the day you won't be counting someone else's alcohol consumption down the ounce.

Dontreallycare

Right now I'm doing it more to remind myself not to back down more than to monitor him. Plus, if the lawyer needs additional info, I'll have it ready.

Ariesagain

9 1/2 bottles of wine and he's still alive?

You can stop questioning whether he has a problem now...