Am I Cheating?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 57
Am I Cheating?
Hi all, I hope today is treating you kindly 
Brief overview...
I've been a highly functional heavy drinker most of my life (I'm now 42). An all day drinker. And currently, a 'really fed up of it all now' ex-drinker. That felt good to be able to write that....EX-DRINKER!!
This is my third attempt at sobriety (I'm currently on day 13). I've had seizures before (after massive sessions) and after further investigation, the neurologists concluded I 'may' have epilepsy so I've been on medication for the last 14yrs.
The whole point to this post is that the sheer fear of having a seizure rules my life. I'm sure it's contributed to my extended drinking 'career' (supressing the anxiety...although in reality, I was more likely to have a seizure. Don't question my irrational thought process!! Lol).
This time, I feared withdrawal incase I had a seizure so I've been taking 5mg of diazepam for the last 12 nights just so I sleep/don't freak out in panic & seek out my ever reliable crutch (booze). I don't want to become reliant on those but I'd rather have diazepam than drink again. I'm aware they work on the same receptors, affects the dopamine system in the brain similar to the way alcohol affects this area.
Basically, am I setting myself up for a fall by taking 5mg per night, short-term? Hopefully down to 2mg in the next few weeks...
Thanks for reading....sorry it's a tad long and kind of gibberish.
Any views would be much appreciated.
Thanks xx
Brief overview...
I've been a highly functional heavy drinker most of my life (I'm now 42). An all day drinker. And currently, a 'really fed up of it all now' ex-drinker. That felt good to be able to write that....EX-DRINKER!!
This is my third attempt at sobriety (I'm currently on day 13). I've had seizures before (after massive sessions) and after further investigation, the neurologists concluded I 'may' have epilepsy so I've been on medication for the last 14yrs.
The whole point to this post is that the sheer fear of having a seizure rules my life. I'm sure it's contributed to my extended drinking 'career' (supressing the anxiety...although in reality, I was more likely to have a seizure. Don't question my irrational thought process!! Lol).
This time, I feared withdrawal incase I had a seizure so I've been taking 5mg of diazepam for the last 12 nights just so I sleep/don't freak out in panic & seek out my ever reliable crutch (booze). I don't want to become reliant on those but I'd rather have diazepam than drink again. I'm aware they work on the same receptors, affects the dopamine system in the brain similar to the way alcohol affects this area.
Basically, am I setting myself up for a fall by taking 5mg per night, short-term? Hopefully down to 2mg in the next few weeks...
Thanks for reading....sorry it's a tad long and kind of gibberish.
Any views would be much appreciated.
Thanks xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Sounds like you have a plan. I didn't take anything, but I didn't know any better, either.
I took xanax for years and it wasn't that hard for me to get off. But again, I didn't know it was supposed to be hard, I just self-weaned. I guess ignorance is bliss in my case.
I took xanax for years and it wasn't that hard for me to get off. But again, I didn't know it was supposed to be hard, I just self-weaned. I guess ignorance is bliss in my case.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 57
Good morning ,
I hope today finds you all well.
The diazepam was prescribed to me by my Dr, for use in high anxiety situations (2.5-5mg at a time). To be used responsibly.
I've got quite alot of them because I get a box every time I put a prescription in for my other meds.
I didn't plan to quit 2 wks ago...although I've desperately wanted to for a long time. I just kept putting it off, letting the AV override rationale.
I became really poorly 16days ago...I thought it was the flu. But looking back, it felt like the start of withdrawal symptoms as I hadn't had a drink until after lunch (usually have one in the morning). Crawled into bed that afternoon, on fire, aching, hot, cold, sweating, internal shakes (not massive), hearing reggae music coming out of my fan(!!!) and then pan pipe music. Thought I must have left the TV or radio on but, no.
Stocked up with litres of water next to my bed, meds, vitamins, soft rolls, and a bottle of wine (just incase). And then I remembered the diazepam (as I know it's an anti-convulsant). Sweated it out in bed for 2 days.
Had 4 glasses of wine over 2 days (down from 3 bottles a day and vodka) and simply decided to quit the booze and cigarettes there and then. Very dangerous, I know. But it was just how I did it. So from that final glass, I've hit day 12 today, and now just taking meds and a 5mg at night. My Dr isn't aware. I've made an appointment to see her next week & I'm seeing my neurologist on Monday.
Action plan is coming together & I'm working on changing my routine and picking up old hobbies and trying out new ones. And sleep. Sleep's good!
Thank you for your replies...not quite sure what I was asking really. Maybe I just needed some confirmation from people who've been in a similar situation that I wasn't going to be swapping one addiction for another at that amount. Silly of me as only a Dr can tell me that :/ .
Thanks again.
Have a fab Friday. Keep strong <3 x
,I hope today finds you all well.
The diazepam was prescribed to me by my Dr, for use in high anxiety situations (2.5-5mg at a time). To be used responsibly.
I've got quite alot of them because I get a box every time I put a prescription in for my other meds.
I didn't plan to quit 2 wks ago...although I've desperately wanted to for a long time. I just kept putting it off, letting the AV override rationale.
I became really poorly 16days ago...I thought it was the flu. But looking back, it felt like the start of withdrawal symptoms as I hadn't had a drink until after lunch (usually have one in the morning). Crawled into bed that afternoon, on fire, aching, hot, cold, sweating, internal shakes (not massive), hearing reggae music coming out of my fan(!!!) and then pan pipe music. Thought I must have left the TV or radio on but, no.
Stocked up with litres of water next to my bed, meds, vitamins, soft rolls, and a bottle of wine (just incase). And then I remembered the diazepam (as I know it's an anti-convulsant). Sweated it out in bed for 2 days.
Had 4 glasses of wine over 2 days (down from 3 bottles a day and vodka) and simply decided to quit the booze and cigarettes there and then. Very dangerous, I know. But it was just how I did it. So from that final glass, I've hit day 12 today, and now just taking meds and a 5mg at night. My Dr isn't aware. I've made an appointment to see her next week & I'm seeing my neurologist on Monday.
Action plan is coming together & I'm working on changing my routine and picking up old hobbies and trying out new ones. And sleep. Sleep's good!
Thank you for your replies...not quite sure what I was asking really. Maybe I just needed some confirmation from people who've been in a similar situation that I wasn't going to be swapping one addiction for another at that amount. Silly of me as only a Dr can tell me that :/ .
Thanks again.
Have a fab Friday. Keep strong <3 x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I think you are through the alcohol withdrawal and it would not be a double whammy.
Good to hear you are seeing your doctor soon. Talk with them about your actions and plans. Self medicating is quite tricky and can go wrong for the obvious reasons. I don't see that you are creating more harm to yourself. Its just an opinion though.
Good to hear you are seeing your doctor soon. Talk with them about your actions and plans. Self medicating is quite tricky and can go wrong for the obvious reasons. I don't see that you are creating more harm to yourself. Its just an opinion though.
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