Is this normal behavior for a meth user and a non user...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 33
Is this normal behavior for a meth user and a non user...
I recently started talking with someone and I am finding myself to be very drawn to them, they have expressed interest in me and at first I was scared because I have a history of being with people who suffer from addiction, and I myself have personal experience with it but I can't help but have feelings back.
He is a meth user, I am not..i use to use meth growing up but have been off it for years. He injects it and has for years, he has a very sad past and lives in government housing,his mom lives 2 doors down from him and she use to be a working girl, she had 4 kids,2 of them have passed away and shes an alcoholic i believe.....he reached out to me in a letter and we talked everyday. He occasionally waits for me after work and walks with me to my bus.
then there are days where he will barley say hi, or stop to talk. Always busy going somewhere or waiting for someone I find I'm getting jealous thinking hes with other women, he says he hasn't been with a women in 3 years but I still get jealous. It may sound silly but I wasn't expecting to have feelings.
I am finding myself taking some of the things he is doing personally, he will use with women and I instantly think sex. Or if he doesn't say hi I get upset, he doesn't have the same thoughts as I do I guess. I don't like taking all this personally..i know I cant change him and I know I should be looking at myself to understand why I am attracted to him( Codependent)...but i am trying to understand him.. can they love? is it real?
he wrote me a letter expressing how he wanted to take a chance and see if something could happen between us even tho odds are most likely that they wont.. and that life is to short to sit back and wait for it to happen, he doesn't usually go after women they go after him and to take it easy on him if i were to reject him.( i didn't and sent a very sweet note back) he will give me little gifts ( one of his shirts and a ear ring he thought I would like) when we talk we just get along really well and have great conversations. he will spend all night( sometimes) talking with me. other days he is off and depressed and quite like, withdrawing inwards Still using with people... but barely talks to me.
.I'm at the point where I think he is no longer interested and I've done something wrong...i saw him tonight after not seeing him or talking to him since tuesday. I asked him if he was ok he said yes but sounded sad, i told him he seems quite and he said he was dealing with something but will get over it. I said i hope it didnt have anything to do with me, he said no and that he will talk to me later.
Why did he pursue me with the note and seem to be interested and now it's like i dont even know him..i felt very close to him before and thought he may care. I thought i may have scared him off with one of the notes i wrote him by being to honest about my feelings...he said he keeps them all, and will go back and read them one day and cry. Sorry this is so long but i am hurt and confused.
Do feelings just dissapear? i still get a butterfly feeling when i see him
Thanks for reading
He is a meth user, I am not..i use to use meth growing up but have been off it for years. He injects it and has for years, he has a very sad past and lives in government housing,his mom lives 2 doors down from him and she use to be a working girl, she had 4 kids,2 of them have passed away and shes an alcoholic i believe.....he reached out to me in a letter and we talked everyday. He occasionally waits for me after work and walks with me to my bus.
then there are days where he will barley say hi, or stop to talk. Always busy going somewhere or waiting for someone I find I'm getting jealous thinking hes with other women, he says he hasn't been with a women in 3 years but I still get jealous. It may sound silly but I wasn't expecting to have feelings.
I am finding myself taking some of the things he is doing personally, he will use with women and I instantly think sex. Or if he doesn't say hi I get upset, he doesn't have the same thoughts as I do I guess. I don't like taking all this personally..i know I cant change him and I know I should be looking at myself to understand why I am attracted to him( Codependent)...but i am trying to understand him.. can they love? is it real?
he wrote me a letter expressing how he wanted to take a chance and see if something could happen between us even tho odds are most likely that they wont.. and that life is to short to sit back and wait for it to happen, he doesn't usually go after women they go after him and to take it easy on him if i were to reject him.( i didn't and sent a very sweet note back) he will give me little gifts ( one of his shirts and a ear ring he thought I would like) when we talk we just get along really well and have great conversations. he will spend all night( sometimes) talking with me. other days he is off and depressed and quite like, withdrawing inwards Still using with people... but barely talks to me.
.I'm at the point where I think he is no longer interested and I've done something wrong...i saw him tonight after not seeing him or talking to him since tuesday. I asked him if he was ok he said yes but sounded sad, i told him he seems quite and he said he was dealing with something but will get over it. I said i hope it didnt have anything to do with me, he said no and that he will talk to me later.
Why did he pursue me with the note and seem to be interested and now it's like i dont even know him..i felt very close to him before and thought he may care. I thought i may have scared him off with one of the notes i wrote him by being to honest about my feelings...he said he keeps them all, and will go back and read them one day and cry. Sorry this is so long but i am hurt and confused.
Do feelings just dissapear? i still get a butterfly feeling when i see him
Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Hi there,
It's nice that you found this place. There are a lot of wise people with lots of experience who can give you good advise. I'm sorry that you're feeling bad though.
I don't know much about method but I've learnt quite a bit about addiction and drugs sInce I joined this board. Why your bf is acting the way he is, is because he's and addict. Addicts behave very irrational being under the influence of substances. We non-users just cannot understand what is possibly going on in their minds. I also believe that is why he isn't able to love you the way you need and want him to love you and to care about you. He will probably never be able to meet your expectations. He is who he is and does what he does. You deserve better, someone who can truly love you. I'm talking out of experience. I got hurt by my AH. I wanted him to love me so bad but he chose his addiction.
Hugs,
SoDev
It's nice that you found this place. There are a lot of wise people with lots of experience who can give you good advise. I'm sorry that you're feeling bad though.
I don't know much about method but I've learnt quite a bit about addiction and drugs sInce I joined this board. Why your bf is acting the way he is, is because he's and addict. Addicts behave very irrational being under the influence of substances. We non-users just cannot understand what is possibly going on in their minds. I also believe that is why he isn't able to love you the way you need and want him to love you and to care about you. He will probably never be able to meet your expectations. He is who he is and does what he does. You deserve better, someone who can truly love you. I'm talking out of experience. I got hurt by my AH. I wanted him to love me so bad but he chose his addiction.
Hugs,
SoDev
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Hi Sarahas and welcome,
Since this is your first post and I understand how upset you feel about this situation so I say this with caring and kindness.
Please take this person off your radar as any kind of a romantic partner with any kind of a future with him. You will only get hurt and disappointed.
You are already hurt by his actions yet drawn in by his "words". As we say around here it's all about the actions not the words because they often never match.
I don't think you've done anything to him but what you've done to yourself is emotional involved yourself to someone who is emotionally un-available.
Since this is your first post and I understand how upset you feel about this situation so I say this with caring and kindness.
Please take this person off your radar as any kind of a romantic partner with any kind of a future with him. You will only get hurt and disappointed.
You are already hurt by his actions yet drawn in by his "words". As we say around here it's all about the actions not the words because they often never match.
I don't think you've done anything to him but what you've done to yourself is emotional involved yourself to someone who is emotionally un-available.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by atalose 
Hi Sarahas and welcome,
Since this is your first post and I understand how upset you feel about this situation so I say this with caring and kindness.
Please take this person off your radar as any kind of a romantic partner with any kind of a future with him. You will only get hurt and disappointed.
You are already hurt by his actions yet drawn in by his "words". As we say around here it's all about the actions not the words because they often never match.
I don't think you've done anything to him but what you've done to yourself is emotional involved yourself to someone who is emotionally un-available.
Since this is your first post and I understand how upset you feel about this situation so I say this with caring and kindness.
Please take this person off your radar as any kind of a romantic partner with any kind of a future with him. You will only get hurt and disappointed.
You are already hurt by his actions yet drawn in by his "words". As we say around here it's all about the actions not the words because they often never match.
I don't think you've done anything to him but what you've done to yourself is emotional involved yourself to someone who is emotionally un-available.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 38
Hello Sarahas,
I am so sorry to read what brings you here, I can understand how hard this is.
You know, the first thing that stood out from your posts were some of the words you used.
I thought I'd list them here:
Scared
Suffer
Sad (x3)
Jealous
Silly
Upset
Depressed
Wrong
Hurt
Confused
Withdrawing
Hurtful
The above are the words you wrote associated with feelings to this man.
This is not the happy, positive future you deserve. Put an end to it now for your own happiness.
Lots of hugs and support and love to you.
I am so sorry to read what brings you here, I can understand how hard this is.
You know, the first thing that stood out from your posts were some of the words you used.
I thought I'd list them here:
Scared
Suffer
Sad (x3)
Jealous
Silly
Upset
Depressed
Wrong
Hurt
Confused
Withdrawing
Hurtful
The above are the words you wrote associated with feelings to this man.
This is not the happy, positive future you deserve. Put an end to it now for your own happiness.
Lots of hugs and support and love to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Its hard to say why addicts do what they do but more often then not it's because they will gain something by it and someone around them will lose something.
I'd work with your T on why you seem so attracted to people who will never be able to give you want you wish and want.
I'd work with your T on why you seem so attracted to people who will never be able to give you want you wish and want.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 33
I have seen him numerous times tonight, he will barley say hi or make eye contact with me. He has been hanging out with his ex gf,who also uses and left him/ cheated on him with his cousin....I cant help feel like i have done something...he was so friendly and seemed caring, now he can barley look at me....wtf
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Sarahas
....I cant help feel like i have done something...he was so friendly and seemed caring, now he can barley look at me....wtf
the man is an ACTIVE IV meth user.
the story stops there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 293
There is no relationship to be had because he is not an entire person right now. He can't care about you, not really. What he says and does will not make sense because active addicts do not make sense. They aren't capable. You deserve better than that, right?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 19
Those ''mood swings'' of the active meth/crack user are 'normal'. They love you one minute, hate you the next. I think maybe it depends on where they are in their high.
I dealt with it for 4 years and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't waste the emotional and physical energy. Course, I'm ''old'' now and my tolerance for BS is very short!
I don't tend to be drawn to addicts. They're too unstable, and I didn't know that my friend was one until way into it. When I found out, I walked out and stayed out for quite some time. I'd allow some short phone calls or short visits, but in general, kept some distance. There were times when he needed to talk and I'd listen. The funny thing is, he fell in love with me and just a few months ago, he quit the chemicals, but kept the drinking.
However, he's discovered that the drinking causes him problems also, and so he stopped the hard liquor, and reduced the beer. I refuse to buy liquor for him, so whether he's employed or not, he has to make some money somehow to keep his habit going.
He knows I cared about him as a person, and I was honest and upfront without being unduly harsh, but I was and am very firm about certain things. Whatever the dynamics are from his POV, enabled him to begin to even think about getting sober from drugs, and then eventually actually do it.
And, as a result, his personality now is very different from what was, but, BUT, he was so intrenched and had so long ago become morally bankrupt, that he's had to relearn the difference between right, and wrong, between integrity and excuses for lack of them.
How long he'll be able to stay without the chemical addiction is anybody's guess but considering the paces I've put him through and he's put himself through and stayed away from the chemicals, I'd give him an A+ for effort.
It's also helpful that there is another meth addict in my apartment building and she displays all of the same types of traits that he used to. Psychotic fantacies about how wonderful she thinks she is, how powerful, how intelligent, controlling, angry, deceptive, unstable, ...the entire nine yards.
My friend can't stand her and I've had to show him that HE was just like her at one time! And he was!
Yes, even the addict can be charming but you have to find your happiness and security in something outside of your relationship with him if you're going to survive this and come out in one piece on the other end. Be prepared for a bunch of verbal abuse, and his wanting you by his side constantly, while dismissing you in the middle of a kiss because the 'shadow people' are talking to him, and you're the enemy!
It's gonna hurt.
I dealt with it for 4 years and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't waste the emotional and physical energy. Course, I'm ''old'' now and my tolerance for BS is very short!
I don't tend to be drawn to addicts. They're too unstable, and I didn't know that my friend was one until way into it. When I found out, I walked out and stayed out for quite some time. I'd allow some short phone calls or short visits, but in general, kept some distance. There were times when he needed to talk and I'd listen. The funny thing is, he fell in love with me and just a few months ago, he quit the chemicals, but kept the drinking.
However, he's discovered that the drinking causes him problems also, and so he stopped the hard liquor, and reduced the beer. I refuse to buy liquor for him, so whether he's employed or not, he has to make some money somehow to keep his habit going.
He knows I cared about him as a person, and I was honest and upfront without being unduly harsh, but I was and am very firm about certain things. Whatever the dynamics are from his POV, enabled him to begin to even think about getting sober from drugs, and then eventually actually do it.
And, as a result, his personality now is very different from what was, but, BUT, he was so intrenched and had so long ago become morally bankrupt, that he's had to relearn the difference between right, and wrong, between integrity and excuses for lack of them.
How long he'll be able to stay without the chemical addiction is anybody's guess but considering the paces I've put him through and he's put himself through and stayed away from the chemicals, I'd give him an A+ for effort.
It's also helpful that there is another meth addict in my apartment building and she displays all of the same types of traits that he used to. Psychotic fantacies about how wonderful she thinks she is, how powerful, how intelligent, controlling, angry, deceptive, unstable, ...the entire nine yards.
My friend can't stand her and I've had to show him that HE was just like her at one time! And he was!
Yes, even the addict can be charming but you have to find your happiness and security in something outside of your relationship with him if you're going to survive this and come out in one piece on the other end. Be prepared for a bunch of verbal abuse, and his wanting you by his side constantly, while dismissing you in the middle of a kiss because the 'shadow people' are talking to him, and you're the enemy!
It's gonna hurt.
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