Day 122: A bit disappointed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 38
Day 122: A bit disappointed
I have never made it this far sober. The past two weeks haven't been that great though. Waking up tired, feeling like I haven't slept; zombie-like monotony. I've been an irritable, drowsy mess and starting to probably realize that my issues probably go beyond alcohol withdrawal, PAWS etc.
Perhaps its time to see a shrink for depression and anxiety. I really do not want to be on any medication. I just wish I was enjoying my hard-earned sobriety more. I can't help but feel disappointed as my expectations at the four-month stage were way way higher.
Reaching out for something!
Perhaps its time to see a shrink for depression and anxiety. I really do not want to be on any medication. I just wish I was enjoying my hard-earned sobriety more. I can't help but feel disappointed as my expectations at the four-month stage were way way higher.
Reaching out for something!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hang in there, InASilentWay. There are lots of emotional and physical ups and downs in the first year of sobriety (or at least it was that way with me). It does get better and it is worth it.
Congrats on 1/3 of a year! That is awesome!
Congrats on 1/3 of a year! That is awesome!
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I know how you feel InASilentWay,
It's so frustrating when you work so hard on your sobriety and then the brain fog and anxiety and irritability all appear at the same moment and you think, "I felt better than this when I was drinking!" Good old AV, it will always pipe up when you're feeling low and doubting yourself.
If no one here ever posted about the struggles of the first year of sobriety, I would definitely have relapsed by now. But so many people with long term sobriety talk about the emotional roller coaster of the first year. They can't all be wrong. And what they say makes loads of sense. We spent ages changing the way we think and the way we feel by abusing alcohol. Of course it's going to take some time for our brains to return to normal. Frankly, I'm impressed by brain can even remember what normal is. And all those emotions we've been drowning out with booze? Of course they're going to come to the surface and demand some attention now. It's probably a good idea to see a doctor to rule out depression but whatever you do, don't lose hope. 122 days is amazing. Let's hang on to the roller coaster and keep going. And one day we can look back on this first year of sobriety and think, "wow! That was crazy. But so incredibly worthwhile". Good luck
It's so frustrating when you work so hard on your sobriety and then the brain fog and anxiety and irritability all appear at the same moment and you think, "I felt better than this when I was drinking!" Good old AV, it will always pipe up when you're feeling low and doubting yourself.
If no one here ever posted about the struggles of the first year of sobriety, I would definitely have relapsed by now. But so many people with long term sobriety talk about the emotional roller coaster of the first year. They can't all be wrong. And what they say makes loads of sense. We spent ages changing the way we think and the way we feel by abusing alcohol. Of course it's going to take some time for our brains to return to normal. Frankly, I'm impressed by brain can even remember what normal is. And all those emotions we've been drowning out with booze? Of course they're going to come to the surface and demand some attention now. It's probably a good idea to see a doctor to rule out depression but whatever you do, don't lose hope. 122 days is amazing. Let's hang on to the roller coaster and keep going. And one day we can look back on this first year of sobriety and think, "wow! That was crazy. But so incredibly worthwhile". Good luck
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Just reading a few of your posts, I gather you have not yet found a sponsor, which could mean you have not yet taken the steps. If that is the case you might be suffering from untreated alcoholism - restless, irritable and discontent feelings.
It happens to alcoholics of my type who try and follow an idea around AA that don't drink and go to meetings is the answer. It might be for some, but it wasn't for me. When I got serious about the steps, it took about 90 days for the whole world to change.
I still got my bumpy patches, which I think of as emotional or spritual growth, but drinking has never agian come up as a possible solution. The path I am on is far too rewarding for that, but it didn't happen until I took the steps.
It happens to alcoholics of my type who try and follow an idea around AA that don't drink and go to meetings is the answer. It might be for some, but it wasn't for me. When I got serious about the steps, it took about 90 days for the whole world to change.
I still got my bumpy patches, which I think of as emotional or spritual growth, but drinking has never agian come up as a possible solution. The path I am on is far too rewarding for that, but it didn't happen until I took the steps.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi InASilentWay
Going to see a Dr or therapist doesn't mean you have to accept taking meds if thats not what you want.
Some of the best counsellors I've had were psychologists which means here in Australia they can't prescribe meds.
Worth considering anyway...I think it's a great idea to pursue professional help.
Please don't tie yourself in knots seeing depression or anxiety as some kind of failure. They're not.
Please don;t aste too much time on beating yurself up for not being where you thought you'd be. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned was that maybe right now I'm, exactly where I need to be to learn what I need to learn, or grow where I need to grow.
122 days is awesome - you're doing great
D
Going to see a Dr or therapist doesn't mean you have to accept taking meds if thats not what you want.
Some of the best counsellors I've had were psychologists which means here in Australia they can't prescribe meds.
Worth considering anyway...I think it's a great idea to pursue professional help.
Please don't tie yourself in knots seeing depression or anxiety as some kind of failure. They're not.
Please don;t aste too much time on beating yurself up for not being where you thought you'd be. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned was that maybe right now I'm, exactly where I need to be to learn what I need to learn, or grow where I need to grow.
122 days is awesome - you're doing great
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
How long did you drink for?
I was the same in terms of sleep when I stopped.
I never slept as much.
I think it was the result of drinking for years and years and never falling asleep naturally, just passing out after boozing in the evening.
I did find that having a sugary drink or snack around 3-4pm helped me perk up a bit.
I would have a milkshake or a hot chocolate or a doughnut on my way home and it stopped me thinking about stopping off for booze.
I also think that I got into the habit of treating every emotion I felt with drink.
Happy and celebrating = have a drink.
Sad = have a drink
Bored = have a drink.
Edgy = have a drink.
I never coped with life without resorting to drink.
It may seem hard but you need to congratulate your self for not resorting to to drink to black out how you are feeling now.
If someone told me that I would deal with death, a break up, a house move, redundant twice without drinking I would have laughed out loud and never believe them.
But I did and I am proud of myself for doing that.
I had to learn coping methods when I was irritable or sad.
Sometimes exercise helped.
Getting out of the house.
Going to a meeting.
Distracting myself - I would find tasks to immerse myself in that took my mind away from how I was feeling.
Exercise releases feel good hormones and no pills are involved at all!
Does not have to be going to a gym, but a walk or swim maybe?
I agree with Dee too in that beating yourself up is not the way to be.
There will be days when you want to stay in bed and take it easy and thats fine.
I do take medication for depression and I am totally fine with it.
However thats me and it is a personal choice.
I think it is better to medicate following a doctors supervision than self medicate with drink.
I wish you the best xx
I was the same in terms of sleep when I stopped.
I never slept as much.
I think it was the result of drinking for years and years and never falling asleep naturally, just passing out after boozing in the evening.
I did find that having a sugary drink or snack around 3-4pm helped me perk up a bit.
I would have a milkshake or a hot chocolate or a doughnut on my way home and it stopped me thinking about stopping off for booze.
I also think that I got into the habit of treating every emotion I felt with drink.
Happy and celebrating = have a drink.
Sad = have a drink
Bored = have a drink.
Edgy = have a drink.
I never coped with life without resorting to drink.
It may seem hard but you need to congratulate your self for not resorting to to drink to black out how you are feeling now.
If someone told me that I would deal with death, a break up, a house move, redundant twice without drinking I would have laughed out loud and never believe them.
But I did and I am proud of myself for doing that.
I had to learn coping methods when I was irritable or sad.
Sometimes exercise helped.
Getting out of the house.
Going to a meeting.
Distracting myself - I would find tasks to immerse myself in that took my mind away from how I was feeling.
Exercise releases feel good hormones and no pills are involved at all!
Does not have to be going to a gym, but a walk or swim maybe?
I agree with Dee too in that beating yourself up is not the way to be.
There will be days when you want to stay in bed and take it easy and thats fine.
I do take medication for depression and I am totally fine with it.
However thats me and it is a personal choice.
I think it is better to medicate following a doctors supervision than self medicate with drink.
I wish you the best xx
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