loveandmagic

I think I am drawn towards broken peoplel bc I don't feel secure enough to be with someone who has their sh*t together, bc I somehow feel like I'm not worthy. My mom instilled that thought in my head, making me feel like no one successful and stable would want to be with me due to my life choices (not becoming a neurosurgeon, the fact that I'm an inked up artist who lives in a tiny bohemian apartment, and I don't mix well with her doctor, lawyer, country club crowd). So I find someone I'm physically, emotionally and mentally attracted to, who's needs a little TLC... And then I want to fix them so that then they're "mine."

I'm realizing my codependency issues come from my relationship with my mother. Though she loves me and supports me, her kindness and positivity towards me was extremely conditional. And it was based upon whether I met her expectations or not.

I'm so emotionally tired. I'm so mentally tired. I feel so overwhelmed with disappointment. And my depression is really draining me. I feel like I've lost myself. My friends tell me I'm not the same anymore. And I don't know what to do about that. I feel so discouraged.

hearthealth

Focus on that old you. Try to recall who she was. Build on the positives and work on those flaws. Everyone has flaws including your mother. Your life is about your standards and living up to your standards. Are you happy with your career, your housing? It's not your mother's life anymore it's your life.

LexieCat

I know *I* sure had a lot of self-discovery to do for myself. Unfortunately, rather than doing the self-reflection after I left my second husband, I jumped right into another relationship that was just as unhealthy--though in a different way (no alcoholism). During THAT one, my own alcoholism developed, and it wasn't until I got sober that I did the work I should have done before.

I had NO CLUE anymore who I was or what I wanted--I just knew that everything at that moment sucked.

But slowly it came together. I'm still not all the way there, but I'm doing well enough to like myself and my life, for the most part. I would have spared myself a lot of pain if I'd done the work sooner, but hey--better late than never.

loveandmagic

I'm not happy with anything, but I think that's my depression talking. I do feel understimulated.

I think I'm at a point where my depression is defining me, and I hate it so much. I'm trying to be patient, maintain therapy, keep busy, eat well, exercise... but it's almost exhausting bc I don't want to do any of it. I just want to sleep all the time. I don't want to engage with anything or anyone bc it takes so much effort to appear as though I feel fine.

HeartbrokenGuy

I posted about a similar thing earlier.

Basically my codependency derives from not feeling I'm good enough looking. I don't feel like I measure up to be worthy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have some deeper things that cause us to act the way we do. And it doesn't matter whether you are a guy or girl some of us have different reasons why we feel like we aren't good enough.

hearthealth

I hope in addition to therapy you speak to a medical doctor about the depression.

Jo2017

No real answers for you but I am experiencing some of the same feelings and it's helped me to post . You are not alone! So many people are dealing with the same issues but it seems like we're completely isolated in our daily lives. Not sure if you attend AlAnon but if you can get some face to face support, it may help. But I do understand about just hibernating-I feel like I've done that for the past 8 years! Praying for you!

honeypig

I also understand that urge to hide and isolate, just wanting to sleep 20 hours out of every 24. It seems to me that, at least for a while, that might not be so bad. Your mind and body likely are just exhausted and maybe it would be helpful to just lay low and let yourself mend for a while.

I know for myself that sometimes I just need to shut down, to spend a day or two doing nothing beyond what must be done for maintenance (let dogs out, fix meals), just reading, sleeping, and lying in bed. I used to feel such guilt about this (I should be doing X, Y, Z) but have gotten better about realizing that sometimes I really, honestly do need that time alone w/myself w/no demands of any kind. And I do feel recharged when I get back on my feet.

Bear in mind that I have no experience w/depression, though, and so what I'm saying might not be true for you if you have that condition. And again, I'm talking about taking a 24- to 48-hour break, not days or weeks...

maia1234

When we get overwhelmed and exhausted, how else do you expect to feel? I know we all want to feel 100 percent today. It won't work that way. It takes work on our selves, mentally and physically . Support meetings, theapist, antidepressants if needed, healthy eating and exercise. It's the big picture. All we need to do is start one positive thing today. Maybe add another one in a week. We didnt get in this mess over night and can't get out of it that way, either.

I want to say, there is hope for all of us. I was where you guys were years ago. I made it out alive and thriving. You can too!!! We care and we are all here for you. Keep posting and commenting, giving back, what little you have to give, and you will be ok!! Hugs to all of you who are in pain today. Stick with us, it does get better.

AnvilheadII

but it's almost exhausting bc I don't want to do any of it. I just want to sleep all the time. I don't want to engage with anything or anyone bc it takes so much effort to appear as though I feel fine.

well then maybe give yourself permission to hibernate a bit, shut down the chatter of the outside world, get some rest, and rehabilitate? maybe you take a week off. maybe you find a spiritual retreat to attend. maybe you find some nice off the beaten path campground, or cabin in the mountains and just go hang out with nature for a while. or a road trip to the coast.

Ap052183

I have the same issues. I pick the wounded birds as well. In addition to that, my ex was a doctor...so I found myself a successful mess. Match made in heaven for an insecure codependent! I was finally good enough for my extremely judgemental, chaotic family. They care less about character than status and image. I feel differently, though and it's my life.
I've had to become enough for myself, which will be a life long battle. However it's gotten better. It takes a lot of work but therapy is really helpful. Keep it up.